Owning It: An Akward Posish

by Rachel on September 3, 2010

[All this talk about owning it led me to start thinking back to the first thing I ever owned and I believe it was this -- originally published it to The Spartanette blog as one of my very first posts. I think it really set the tone of what was to come from that blog and let people know that even though I was a 19-year-old girl, I had balls of steel. I thought it would be fun to share it again here -- updated a bit. TGIF -- enjoy!]

Consult any woman’s magazine or any dude with a pulse on what the best sexual position is and they will all agree: it’s the reverse cowgirl.

It is the Holy Grail of sexual positions.

Cosmo, Glamour, and all their little friends tout it as the Best Thing Ever. In every issue, we’re promised the best sex tips we’ve never heard, but month after month, we are told to simply turn away from him, hop on top, and ride that pony.

Girls like it because they are in control and it’s a good position for getting off. Guys like it because…well, because it’s sex with a girl.

The Reverse Cowgirl makes the world go round.

At the risk of completely betraying my reputation, I must own this.

I can’t master this position.

Everyone makes it sound so easy.

Not so, I say. Not so at all.

I try and I try…and I fall off the bed.

An equestrian, I am not.

I don’t know what my problem is. I don’t know if it’s my lack of rhythm or lower body strength but no amount of dance classes, squats, or, surprisingly, tequila seems to solve the problem.

I’m good at a lot of things but I suck at this position. And you know what? I’ve owned it.

When a guy suggests it, I say, “Well, we can try, but it’s not going to work.”

He doesn’t believe me…and then like two minutes later he most certainly does.

And then once again, I find myself crossing my arms over my naked chest in a huge huff, snapping, “I mean, maybe I could…if I had eyes in the back of my head.”

I used to get so embarrassed about this. I felt like I had a scarlet “RC” on my chest every time I attempted it and failed. I mean, for whatever reason, people think of me as someone with crazy sexual tricks up my sleeve (and my skirt and down my shirt and in my big hair). I’ve never openly declared that I possess some sort of vast repertoire of talents that brings all the boys to the yard. I show up, I take off my clothes, things usually go well (sometimes to the point that I can’t walk the next day), and I write about it from time to time. I worried that every fraternity meeting following one of these mishaps included a group discussion about how I was a fake. I know guys assume that I have threesomes every day before breakfast and think I approach even a casual makeout with the tricks and skillz of a porn star…and I worried they were telling all their friends that I was a total disappointment. 

It’s not like I don’t have any skillz, but it’s not my fault they are more canine than equine.

From what the women’s magazines tell me, I’m the only one who can’t make this happen. I used to be ashamed of my inability to do the RC and I’d try to make up for it with enthusiasm and willingness to, um, get back on the horse, but the fact is, I’m clumsy. I lack rhythm. I don’t know where to put my hands. Sorry, baby — maybe if you had reins.

You know, there’s optimism, but there’s also owning it. I’ve accepted my shortcomings, acknowledged that I do other things a hell of a lot better, and started telling guys that this posish won’t work for me, but I’m happy to simply turn around in the saddle and do what will. (And do it well, thankyouverymuch.)

To Cosmo, Glamour, and Every Guy I’ve Ever Hooked Up With: sorry I’m not sorry.

You can lead a girl to this position but I can’t make it work.

{ 12 comments }

The Poor Woman’s Comfort Food

by Rachel on September 2, 2010

Fact: When you are in a new town and feeling a little homesick, sometimes it helps to cook.

Fact: When you are in a new town and feeling a little homesick, cooking comfort food helps even more.

Fact: When you are in a new town and feeling a little homesick and hoping to cook comfort food, sometimes you’re also broke.

Fact: When you are in a new town, feeling a little homesick, hoping to cook comfort food, and pretty broke…you may also not want to get fat.

Fact: This recipe will solve all your problems.

Cooking Light Quick Chicken and Dumplings.

Or, as I like to think of it, “Thank you, Cooking Light Magazine, for showing me that I can cook comfort food and eat my feelings, and my jeans can still fit, because I sure as shit can’t afford new ones.”

“Don’t order takeout; this is faster, cheaper, tastier, and healthier” also comes to mind.

This recipe cost about $10 to make and gave me four servings. I used rotisserie chicken (which is quickly becoming my favorite way to spend $5). I was nervous it might be bland but it was delicious. Eric came over the night I made this and we both were amazed at how the flour tortilla strips could give the same texture and taste as dumplings.

We also couldn’t get over how buttery tasting it is! There’s only one tablespoon of butter in it and you use it to saute the onions, so I have no idea how the butter flavor was so present but…it is. And how!

All you college kids who just got back to school? Please make this a few times before you turn to ramen noodles. Not only will you feel like your mom is right there, but you’ll also feel like a bona fide chef, because it definitely doesn’t taste like a beginner’s recipe.

I think I’ll think of it as “No More Tears Chicken & Dumplings.” Because really, no matter what you’re bummed about, it’ll make you feel better without increasing your student loan debt.

{ 7 comments }

Rule #6: Spend Your Time Wisely

by Rachel on September 2, 2010

It’s no secret that I’m a pretty big fan of the internet. I feel so fortunate to be alive during a time when we are afforded such endless possibilities for such little cost. But there’s one thing that I cannot handle, and that’s the way it’s allowed everyone to start acting so batshit crazy, stalking each other.

Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about Facebook creeping on some dude you gave your number to at a party last weekend. That’s fine. That sort of stalking is part of the world we live in; it’s to be expected and you can own it. I actually wrote an article for TechCoquette about how to let on you’ve been stalking someone. We’re all pretty plugged in…there’s no shame in that.

But I’m talking about actively seeking out information about people you barely know…when you know it’s only going to make you feel bad.


When I was in college, I’d sit in the common areas of my sorority house and listen to girls Facebook stalk for hours. HOURS. These were smart, talented, driven women…and for some reason, they chose to spend their time looking at people they barely knew. And I wish it had ended with college, but it didn’t.

And of course, it’s usually all about boys.

Dude stalking involves looking at a guy’s profile on a regular basis and analyzing his Wall, photos, and status updates. You may actually be dating or you may just think you’re dating; you may have just hooked up or you may have just broken up. In any case, you’re not secure in the relationship. So you use Facebook as a way to make yourself more insecure. You question everything he’s doing and stress about his updates or lack thereof. And once you’ve started dude stalking, that leads us to…

Chick stalking was what really bothers me. In college, I’d watch as girls clicked through hundreds of tagged photos to check out the other girls they suspected of having some sort of relationship with their male target. They’d talk about the other girls’ dating histories, appearances, and sex lives. And they. Were. Mean.

Chick stalking was what made me truly uncomfortable. I don’t like listening to women talk shit on each other like that. And what bothered me the most was that I knew that in every sorority house and dorm, there were other girls doing the same things — but looking at pictures of my friends and me, talking shit for no reason except that the guy that was at the center of this couldn’t man up and say to either girl, “I don’t want to be exclusive with you.” Or maybe he had, and the girls couldn’t woman up and accept that for what it is.

In either case, it led to a lot of Peeing on the Wall – a term I made up at the time to describe how girls write on guys’ Walls with the sole intention of marking their territory and scaring away other girls.

Now, you may be happily married and done with the dating scene, so you might be beyond Facebook stalking your prey. But there’s another type of stalking that I can’t stand, and that’s blog stalking…when you hate the blogger.

All the Hollaback bloggers can tell you that I come out pretty strongly against hate following and shout this via e-mail on occasion. I just don’t get it. People spend hours reading blogs for the sole purpose of hating on them. Wait…what?

Why?

Oh, do you not have anything else to do? You just need to spend an hour a day reading about the daily life of a person whose daily life you don’t really like? You follow them on Twitter so you can e-mail their Tweets to all your friends with bitchy comments? You want to be the first to know if they get good news that will automatically piss you off? So you hate them…and yet you’re putting money in their bank because every time you go to their blog, their ads get a hit.

Um, why?

Seriously…why??

I doubt you’re bored. Most women I know aren’t actually ever bored. They have really full, rich, busy lives. They don’t have enough time for themselves. No time to work out! No time to cook! No time to find a better job! No time to relax and unwind!

But plenty of time to stalk.

I was never that drawn to stalking, but the day I logged onto Facebook and saw the guy I was in love with kissing another girl in a photo on my Mini-Feed was the day I gave it up. Sure, knowing is better than not knowing — that’s why now I just put on my big girl panties and tell guys what I want. I keep people who have the power to hurt me via status update removed from my feed. Sometimes I just de-friend them.

And while I love making new friends via Twitter and Facebook (fo realz — holler at me), I don’t accept friend requests from girls when the only friend we have in common is a dude I’ve hooked up with or girls who are BFFs with girls I know don’t like me. You actually think I believe you want to be friends? Yeah…you don’t. And I’d prefer to not give you my profile as fuel to the toxic conversations I know you and your friends are having. Sorry I’m not sorry.

Fact: I choose not to seek out things that would make me angry, upset, annoyed, or mean. I choose not to seek out ways to tear other women apart. So I choose not to stalk.

Fact: I am a productive member of society because I don’t stalk.

Fact: The time I could spend stalking I put into my own projects, which is why I have such a nice resume.

Fact: If you’re wondering why you aren’t getting everything you want out of life…and yet you’re committing a large chunk of time to doing something that not only doesn’t help you, but it actually makes you feel worseyou are ridiculous.

Fact: If you spend precious time during your day to actively follow the life of someone you don’t know, who has never done anything to you, and would probably be your friend in a different context…just to talk shit about her…you are also ridiculous. And kind of a bitch.

I guess because I’m tech-savvy, people think I’d know the best way to snoop on a guy…and I don’t. Because I’m pretty ballsy, people think that I’d be the first person to hate follow…and I’m not. When a friend comes to me with the details she’s found out about the “other woman” expecting me to get all worked up on her behalf…she is disappointed.

The other day, my mom sent me the link to this article about a woman whose body was found in her boyfriend’s chimney. She was trying to break into his place. She was a doctor.

People — that is tragic.

If you have to stalk a guy — or other girls as you pursue a guy — then your relationship sucks. And if you and they guy are over, then really, you’re wasting your time and just being crazy. Let’s talk about moving on.

If you read blogs you don’t like just to be snarky, then you need something to do. Let’s talk about ways to make your blog better.

I have a hard time believing that any woman reading my blog right now is anything but exceptional. I can assume that most of you have really good lives that are worth living and dreams worth pursuing. So don’t waste your time in front of a computer, feeling bitter or insecure. Don’t be That Girl.

Just your friendly Thursday morning reminder!

{ 38 comments }

New Month, New Goals: September

September 1, 2010
britney

What’s the first thing I do on the first of the month? Um, read my horoscope. (September is looking good for Leo!) What’s the next thing I do? Set some goals! Normally, I like to recap the previous month’s goals, but in all honesty, my goal-making has moved to the back of my mind since [...]

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Getting It: I Just Can’t Help Myself

September 1, 2010
rw coaching

Remember when I left Shedding It behind and brought you here? Well, there was a reason. Part of it was because I wanted to write about more than health and fitness, and part of it was because I was preparing to launch my own business. I have cards. I have a license. I don’t wear [...]

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Today

August 31, 2010
flowers

August 31, 1998 was my first day of eighth grade. It was a half day of school, and when I got home, my mom was waiting for me on the front porch. She asked me how my day went and then she said she was sorry…and I knew. I knew that my dad had died. [...]

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Meet the Owners 8/30/10

August 31, 2010
own it

I thought things might slow down with all the “owning it” going on in the blogosphere, but I was most definitely wrong! I couldn’t wait another week to share these posts; they are so great and needed to be posted immediately. I love seeing how different bloggers are running with this idea and talking about [...]

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Lesson #20: How to Watch a Triathlon

August 31, 2010
Thumbnail image for Lesson #20: How to Watch a Triathlon

This past Saturday, Eric competed in the Clear Lake International Triathlon and I went along for the ride. And…I learned a few things. It’s not easy to be a good spectator. [Download the song -- Mochi Beats "Forever Impossible"]

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Lesson #19: How to Look Great at a Toga Party

August 30, 2010
toga party

Toga parties are the quintessential Greek party, during which each sorostitute can demonstrate her own unique style while still dressing to match the overall theme. I’ve gone to a couple toga parties, and that picture is from my last one, at Lambda Chi my senior year at Michigan State. I figured that toga parties end [...]

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Lesson #18: How to Be Wrong About a Guy and Be OK

August 30, 2010
chalkboard

Last week, I got an e-mail asking for some guy advice. Long story short, our girl was feeling the dating optimism when she met this guy and thought he was the big love Five…and, turns out, he’s not. She wrote, “In all your experience, any advice on how to have a healthy break/break-up (so I [...]

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