Getting it: The thing about kegging it

by Rachel on March 17, 2010

If there’s one thing that I loved about Michigan State, it was St. Patrick’s Day. It was so fun at State.  I always had a complete blast. I usually had my first beer at approximately 7 AM and would continue to drink until approximately 3 AM. “It’s a marathon, not a sprint!” was my favorite phrase…because, yes that was my idea of a marathon back then.

Because it’s such a long day of drinking, it’s definitely a keg kinda day. Kegs with green beer…or just kegs with any beer! I mean, yes, there were times when it involved liquor as well. My junior year, when I lived in a room in my sorority house with four girls, we had quite a midday St. Patty’s party in our room, and I distinctly remember drinking cherry vodka straight from the bottle and then passing it along to my roommates and the four guys we had brought up there too.

Since my drinking habits senior year often followed a trajectory that went something like “don’t eat dinner, get ridiculous, drunk text, order a quesadilla, wake up with your phone in your hand, cringe at your own shamelessness, and go deal with it by eating two bagels,” there are things I wish I would have done differently. I mean I loved college and had a blast, but come on…I could have at least put the cherry vodka in a damn shot glass. Think of the germs!

Really, though, if I could go back, there is one major thing I would do differently…

AVOIDED DRINKING FROM A KEG.

Ohhh, how hindsight is 20/20!

At State, we had a lot of house parties (and frat parties) and played a lot of beer pong, and the red Solo cups were ubiquitous. I mean, I’m pretty sure they could have replaced Sparty as our mascot.

The problem is that these cups have magical properties. Seriously, they are like something out of Harry Potter. (You know how they did with that butterbeer.)

First, they hold so much beer! Sixteen ounces to be exact, which is four ounces more than you’d get in a can or a bottle. That extra four ounces adds up. It’s not one beer…it’s 1.25 beers. So if you’re drinking Bud Light, and you have “four beers”…you’re really having five beers. That takes you from 440 calories to 560.

The other major problem is that your fellow Spartans will never let your cup go empty! If you have half a cup — 8 ounces at this point, so nearly a full beer — someone always says, “Oops, you’re getting low!” and they’ll refill it for you. So now your cup is not only magically able to hold a ton of beer, it’s also bottomless.

DRINK ME

This makes it virtually impossible to keep track of how much you are drinking. You keep getting refills and it’s like, “OK, I had one beer [note: 1.25 beers] and then I got a refill when I was halfway done and then another one when I was two-thirds done with that cup, but then I played beer pong, and I’m not sure how much I actually drank during the game because I won one game but then lost the next, and how many ounces of beer are even in a cup during a game of beer pong [note: approximately four, if you are using cans, and it’s very likely you are not, so could be more like six] and how many do you drink when you end up drinking the other team’s too and what if you drink some of your partner’s because she’s a lightweight?” and the point is HOLY SHIT YOU CANNOT DO THAT SORT OF MATH OR HAVE THAT CONVERSATION WITH YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK.

BURRITO

And excess calories aside, I’d also like to point out that this confusion also has a major effect on how drunk you’re getting! I’m willing to bet that four cans of beer would have probably resulted in me sending significantly less drunk texts than four magically refilling Solo cups. And since how drunk you get has a big impact on how hungover you are the next day — which can lead to major lapses in healthy eating and exercise — the effect is really quite big. And even if you have an awesome metabolism or you know you’ll get up and run the next day, well, not to be whatever, but there is such a thing as being too drunk.

DO MEWe always talk about portion control. A keg is the antithesis of portion control.

Have a great St. Patrick’s Day, but please…try not to be That Girl.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jessica @ How Sweet March 17, 2010 at 7:52 am

My college St Patty’s Days began around 6-7am too, with tons of green beer. One year I thought it would be great to drink green vodka. Yeah…not so great.

On another note…
Have you ever been to boyne city? We vacation there every year!

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2 Rachel March 17, 2010 at 7:55 am

Green liquor..shiiiit. When my alarm went off this morning, somewhere in my brain I thought, Time to have a beer!

I haven’t been to Boyne City! My family doesn’t really do any of the “Up North” activities that most Michigan people do. :-/ Maybe someday though!

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3 Lauren March 17, 2010 at 8:17 am

Amazing as always. Love the graphics!

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4 Laura Georgina March 17, 2010 at 8:59 am

Love it–thanks for taking me down memory lane! I got to the college-partying scene a bit late, but it sure brings back memories (some of which make me blush, and that was in the days before cell phones and texting, ha!)

Another one to add–don’t drink Irish car bombs after downing green beer from a keg, unless you fancy the whole world seeing you look as green as the beer you just projectiled. In fact, that could be amended to plain old “don’t drink Irish car bombs, ever.”
.-= Laura Georgina´s last blog ..Swim? Sew? Neither–But a Girl Can Dream =-.

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5 Suzanne March 17, 2010 at 9:30 am

Oh girl, I know that’s right. Ok, true, maybe I made several regrettable decisions in college, but it was a little worth it ;). Except the year I had a midterm at 9 am the day after St. Patrick’s Day. Not only did I have to be good and study, but I lost sleep because everyone else’s party lasted well into the early hours of the morning. Evil professors…
.-= Suzanne´s last blog ..I SWAM A MILE! =-.

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6 Christie (http://rollerkoesterrun.wordpress.com/) March 17, 2010 at 11:08 am

Too funny! I never spent a St. Patty’s @ State, but that does sounds like a typical Spartan weekend! I loved visiting friends there! :) Good times… I think.. sometimes I forgot ;)

~Christie http://rollerkoesterrun.wordpress.com/
.-= Christie (http://rollerkoesterrun.wordpress.com/)´s last blog ..run around Tuesday =-.

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7 Jennifer March 17, 2010 at 12:08 pm

It’s like you know me….haha this is a good little reminder for this evening’s festivities. thanks! :)

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8 Becky @ flybynyght March 17, 2010 at 12:12 pm

I will remember this as I slosh green beer out of my solo cup in my drunken stagger to get a burrito. Ok, maybe there won’t be a drunken stagger in my future – but I do hope to have one green beer! Have a great St. Patrick’s Day!
.-= Becky @ flybynyght´s last blog ..And now she’s a naked doggie!!! =-.

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9 Angela @ A healthy fit March 17, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Hilarious! My college days went a little somethin’ like that as well. Oh how I wish I avoided the keg or just beer in general. We always brought backpacks full of beer to house parties so we wouldn’t have to wait in the keg line.

Drunk Dials were the worst! I went to college before texting. :)
.-= Angela @ A healthy fit´s last blog ..Spring Fever =-.

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10 samantha March 17, 2010 at 2:27 pm

i was a tourguide for u of m…. and my most memorable tour was on st. patricks day when all the prospective students saw what college is really about. it was hilarious, and it didnt help that i had already had a few beers. oops.

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11 Kim March 18, 2010 at 12:05 pm

Um yeah, can I say that I love your blog because it’s amazing and hilarious?
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Eating in equilibrium =-.

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12 Rachel March 18, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Whyyy thank you Kim!

You know, I have to say, when I was reading everyone’s comments on this post I totally felt like the mom in mean girls. “Oh you kids, you keep me young!”

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