“I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” — Chelsea Handler
It should come as no surprise that I really like Chelsea Handler. My Horizontal Life is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read; I literally laughed out loud the entire way through it. I used to forget to watch her show at night, but a few weeks ago I had a brilliant idea: I started DVR-ing it and now I watch it every morning while I have breakfast. Seriously, is there a better way to start the day!? Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is pretty good too. (Not as good as the first two, because honestly, I don’t think anything could be, but there are some definite LOLs in there. Personally I loved the chapter about the island vacation.)
I also really like Chelsea because she does what I like to think of as “hot girl comedy.” Never heard of it? That’s because it doesn’t really exist. Most comediennes aren’t overtly sexy…and that’s fine. A woman doesn’t have to be hot and funny. But a woman can be hot and funny, which is something more people need to realize in the male-dominated world of comedy. (Case in point: after a stand-up show, I had the male emcee tell me, “Oh, you were really funny! I didn’t think you’d be funny because you’re pretty.” Gee…thanks.) Most comediennes are self-deprecating and can’t seem to land a guy; Chelsea’s best stories come from the fact that she actually can.
So I like that Chelsea is just openly hot. And she took her hotness to this month’s Shape magazine!
She talks about how she wasn’t raised on the healthiest foods: “I was born with a french fry in my mouth. My mom was a great cook but her idea of a light after-school snack was mac and cheese and brownies.” She said that after a lot of yo-yo dieting, she now eats mainly healthy, non-processed foods (grapefruit, oatmeal, turkey salads, sushi). She also said she used to be a “fitness fiasco” but now loves pilates for staying in shape. And she flat-out told her nutritionist she’d never give up vodka.
So yes…I’m glad there’s hope for those of us who like a drink and were taught that Doritos were a food group.
What should have been in there is one of my favorite stories about Chelsea Handler and working out from Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea. She decides she needs to lose weight before her birthday and signs up for a private kickboxing class. After losing a bunch of weight, she decides to treat herself and pigs out on a mountain of junk food from Starbucks. On the way to pick up a friend later in the day, she nearly drives into a group of fourteen-year-old girls, one of whom calls her a c*nt. Feeling like a badass from her kickboxing lessons, she gets out to yell at them and they attack her and totally kick her ass. It’s so funny.
I actually think of it every time I’m kickboxing. Would I be able to use these moves to defend myself against a bunch of teenage girls?
So back in January, I saw on Facebook that Chelsea’s fans could use a code to buy tickets to her upcoming tour a day early. Like…right that moment. I have never dropped that much cash so quickly and impulsively, but I knew I needed to see her live in Detroit. And…the show is tonight!! Even better, I found out this week she’s doing a book signing at Borders before the the show today. I was out the door at 8 AM this morning to make the 45-minute trek down there to get a wristband. (You have to have a wristband to get in the book signing line, as they expect it’s going to get pretty crazy.) When I got there, the line was wrapped around the block, Black Friday style (with so many cute gay boys)!
Luckily, I got a wristband. This afternoon I’m heading back down there to meet her (!!!) and then see her show in Detroit. I am so excited! It’s going to be 80 degrees here today and it seems like it’s just set to be a damn near perfect Friday.
I’m out for the rest of the day — I’ll post pics tomorrow!
Have a great Friday!