[Well, I am now to an acceptable level of hot mess — an earth muffin and some mascara helped — to continue on with my story of Chelsea Handler’s visit to Detroit yesterday. It’s long, so I figured I’d break it up in three parts.]
As I said yesterday, I was up early to get my wristband for the book signing. After a power walk for some fresh air and exercise and a hurried lunch, I threw everything I own into a giant tote bag and headed back down to Birmingham where I’d be spending the rest of the day — first just hanging out at Borders waiting to get in line for the book signing (they said to get there early because it was going to be a madhouse) and then in line for the book signing (once it actually started). And after the book signing, we were going straight to the Fox Theater for her show.
Well, before I went back to Borders I had a slight detour to hang out with a cute little McMuffin (actually the inspiration behind the I’m Lovin’ It video). I can’t give too many details — I don’t want to get into trouble and lose all McLovin’ — but there were a few one-liners that, well…sometimes I know I’m meant to be a writer because God continues to present me with situations like these.
Five minutes after: “Well, wow! That was so much better than beating off.”
(Me: WOW. Thanks…thank you so much! I’m glad I’m better than Internet porn.)
It was really hot yesterday and it had been a long day, so I totally see where this next one came from…but still. While we were getting dressed: “God…I can’t wait to take a shower.”
(Me: Wowww…..thanks. I think you just need to stop talking.)
In the car: “Thanks for ending my dry spell.”
(Me: SERIOUSLY!!! STOP…TALKING!!!)
After I spritzed on a little perfume in the car: “You smell really good. You don’t smell like someone who just had sex.”
(Me: JUST STOP TALKING!!!!!!)
I included my responses, but honestly, I wish I could find a way to share the expressions that crossed my face. A furrowed brow, a dropped jaw, and the sinking realization that this is what happens to girls who break NAD rule #1: no technology.
Still, the McMuffin is so cute and sexy and good in bed, I’m totally willing to overlook occasional conversations blunders like these — especially because he realized they were ridiculous statements as soon as he said them/saw my face. The fact that some guys don’t realize when they are being ridiculous is considerably worse.
As I headed back to Borders, I figured Chelsea would be proud.