Hi, Girl, High!

by Rachel on April 20, 2010

Good morning! Welcome to the new theme week!

Since today is 4/20, I figured we’d start off “Getting You Higher” week with a little chat about going green. I talk a lot about certain vices like boozing and sexing, but I realized…I’ve been neglecting my readers who like reefer!

And…I know you’re out there. So, my bud buddies, today is your day! Just like I encourage your ladies-who-liquid-lunch counterparts to have three tequila shots instead of six, here’s how you can make pot a little healthier.

[Disclaimer: if you aren’t reading this from Amsterdam or treating your glaucoma, you should probably stop reading right now.]

Your lungs. First, how are you going about getting high? There are so many different ways to get high and if you’re really hardcore about being high and healthy, you should actually skip smoking and just bake with it. (Of course, I love cooking, so this is an out-of-the-park alternative in my book.) You can make butter with it and then bake it in things like brownies. If you aren’t feeling like Betty Stoner, then the next healthiest thing is to use a vaporizer. They aren’t super common because they are expensive, but they do get rid of a lot of the carcinogens that are released when you burn weed.

Your peepers. There’s nothing more annoying than a pretty girl with eyes so bloodshot she looks like a zombie. Get some good eye drops. I love Rohto Ice Redness Relief. These are seriously amazing drops in general, but when you’re high, you’ll love that icy, menthol-esque effect.

Your waistline. This is a big concern for all the so-called stiletto stoners out there. They like that pot doesn’t have the calories of, say, a glass of wine, but they don’t want to ruin that with a major binge. And you don’t want to be that lazy, sluggish burnout who never leaves the couch and gains a ton of weight from too many trips to the vending machine.

First, make a deal with yourself that you have to get in some exercise first. And get that cardio, girl, cause, let me tell you, if you’re, say, training for a marathon, you’ll build some big-ass lungs and when you do smoke, you’ll appreciate it that much more.

Next, plan ahead. Just like drinking or going to the grocery store, you shouldn’t smoke on an empty stomach. Either eat something before so you’re less hungry or plan that you’ll eat a really good home-cooked meal afterward. It’s also a good idea to just tell yourself, “I’m NOT going to use this as an excuse to get Jimmy John’s.” We will not let our inner potheads enable our inner fatties, so just tell yourself that from the get-go.

You can chew gum to help with that desire to move your jaw, or you can keep healthy snacks on hand that you can crunch through. One of my friends swears by cashews, but I also recommend Baked Lays. They are crunchy and salty and you can get them in portion-control packs.

Speaking of baked lays, having sex when high is a pretty interesting experience. Some women say they like it better than anything and only want to have sex high. I do NOT recommend this. I mean, that could lead to problems if you want to have a spontaneous quickie. Pausing to roll a blunt is more awkward than pausing to unroll a condom. The way I see it, high sex should be rare, for special occasions — like anal sex is for guys.

Like any vice, if you’re going to do it, be smart about it!

Any other tips from the midnight tokers out there?

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 dori April 20, 2010 at 8:48 am

Best. Post. Ever. Haha baked lays – you’re clever. And it is true that doing it high is its own special experience that little can compare to. But there’s a lot to be said for doing it not high as well :). I love healthy munchies like cashews! And egg sandwiches on whole wheat toast from the diner! Mmmmmm… Happy holidays!

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2 Crissy April 20, 2010 at 9:15 am

I am a relatively new reader and totally not a commenter… I am also no longer a part of the pot smoking community altho, it was good times when it lasted… this post almost made me pee my pants. thank you for the morning laugh.

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3 Suzanne April 20, 2010 at 9:17 am

You are so awesome. Thanks for not apologizing and being frank. You rock.

And by the way, yogurt is so awesome when you’re high…
.-= Suzanne´s last blog ..11 Miles, Done and Done =-.

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4 Heather April 20, 2010 at 9:27 am

You WOULD suggest baking with it, haha.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..A Week Without: Luna Bars =-.

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5 Nikki April 20, 2010 at 3:38 pm

I think this is a great mantra for potheads altogether:
“We will not let our inner potheads enable our inner fatties” -LOVE this. haha!

You know, after reading this post again, I think it covers all the bases just right – without getting technical about specifics and what not. Everyone’s different and weed affects everyone in different ways. I’ve managed to accomplish a lot at my age while never letting it take over my daily life. It’s more of a treat than a habit. :)

Anyway, I had skimmed through this earlier (since I’m at work and didn’t feel like answering questions as to why I’m looking at pot posts on the internet) and the only part I didn’t agree with 100% at the time was the “high sex.” But after reading it back, thoroughly, I see your point. When I read it the first time, I assumed you said you don’t agree with doing it high, etc.. But your point is practical, I gotcha now.

I do like your tip about not smoking on an empty stomach. That makes a lot of sense, and can truly save my ass from gaining the pounds I’ve lost back. Thanks for that one!

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6 samantha April 21, 2010 at 11:10 am

BEST munchie food ever – frozen mango! it is healthy, delicious and the cold feels just so damn good when you’re blazed. trust me.

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7 Rachel April 21, 2010 at 11:37 pm

Hilaaaaarious awesome post! God, your blog is such a breath of fresh air. Or a breath of THC-infused air. Mmm.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Friday Sunshine =-.

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8 Erin December 9, 2010 at 3:42 pm

Just stumbled on your blog (late obviously), but love this post. But, I have to disagree on one point–it can be completely sexy to pause to pack a bowl! But it is best to not get hooked solely on high sex :)

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