Goooood morning! I could barely sleep last night because I’m very excited to launch my newest feature…Gymnertainment!
What is Gymnertainment, besides a buzzword nearly as obnoxious as “Brangelina?” Well, I was going to describe Gymnertainment as a “love child” but it’s so much more than that. First, I think it’s more a bastard child than a love child.
So, if Shedding It & Getting It went on Maury to figure out who fathered Gymnertainment, it would be like, “I know Shed Theater is the daddy!” And then Shed Theater would be all, “That baby don’t look like me! She done hooked up with all that stand-up comedy, Maury.” And then Stand-Up would be like, “That ain’t my baby…looks like an audiobook to me!” And then Maury would be like, “Audiobook…you are NOT the father.” So then we’d go back on and say, “Maury, I know Podcast is the daddy and I just want him to take care of this baby!”
Got it? OK, let’s try again.
I love that I now have the freedom to share more material — while I don’t consider anything “too hot for Shedding It” so to speak, sometimes, getting your hair pulled by guys or losing your underwear just really isn’t relevant to our discussions! This is more like the stories that will appear in my book or the things I talk about in my comedy routine; however, none of this has been published here before, so it’s all new material!
And I watch enough infomercials to know that you need a good testimonial or two! (OMG I totally can see this on an infomercial. “TIRED OF YOUR BORING WORKOUTS? DOES GOING TO THE GYM MAKE YOU WANT TO CRY?”) I shared it with my Twitter friend Heather from Then Heather Said and asked her to take it to the gym and then write a review. This is what she had to say:
“Listening to Gymnertainment during my 30 minute run left me speechless and excuseless. Speechless because Rachel says it all; everything you’ve thought and wanted to say but didn’t know how to put it into appropriate words. Excuseless because I would run for another 30 minutes if I had the next episode of Gymnertainment loaded on my ipod. Rachel’s smart ass comments, honest depictions of her own humiliations, and general brilliance is all the motivation I need to get my ass back in my running gear, without all the yelling from certain well-known television personalities/personal trainers.Gymnertainment will have you loving your workouts and asking for more. It also adds dimension to your workout. I’ve never been so sore post run: my face from all the smiling, my abs from all the laughter. even the Kegels were completed by fighting off the urge to pee on myself when Rachel had me rolling in giggle fits, over and over again.‘Now I’m a spitter, you tricky bastard.’ It kills me. So many parts kill me. I’ve listened to it three times now.”
So! This first episode has three chapters:
I. Guys are the New Girls — With their hairless bods, skinny jeans, and desire to cuddle, I’m really starting to wonder what it means to have a Y chromosome these days.
II. The Lingerie Quandary — I have the worst lingerie karma. Cute bra? Can’t get ass. Laundry day? Everyone and their frat brother wants to get me naked.
III. The Princess and the Pee — Sorry, but I’m often too busy to stop to go to the bathroom. Like, I’d really rather check Facebook than relieve myself.
Intrigued? You can also click here for a little sample clip to get an idea of what you’re getting yourself into.
Because it’s sort of a special downloadable thing, I am putting a price tag on it, but as a broke-ass ho, I think $3.99 is pretty legit. It’s more than an iTune, less than an audiobook, and about equivalent to a latte. And really, then, you can just pretend you’re treating me to coffee after our gym sesh. I really don’t value myself much higher than a white chocolate mocha.
All right, enough talk! If you’re ready to LOL on the elliptical, then click the picture below to download! It’ll take you to a secure site where you pay with Pay Pal. (Which I use all the time because I buy so much in the “online marketplace;” if you’ve never done it before, trust me…it’s no big deal. Takes two seconds to set up and once you do, your Etsy addiction will flourish.)
I made my picture the album artwork because I want you to actually feel like I’m at the gym with you. And then if you find yourself audibly snorting at something, or, fingers crossed, laughing out loud, and you’re getting strange looks, you can just wave your ipod at them and say, “Oh, it’s just my friend Rachel. She’s so silly.”