Finding Love in All the Wrong Places

by Rachel on May 1, 2010

Oh, you guys…I just met my husband.

So this afternoon, after getting up to teach spinning, falling asleep and dreaming I was traveling through Europe, reading for a few hours, and transferring everything to our new fridge (!!!) I headed to Wal-Mart. (For the sake of this story just ignore the fact that I went to Wal-Mart; I went for a number of reasons, the main one being I knew if I went to Target, I’d spend too much money on stupid stuff, whereas Wal-Mart is such a turn-off I know I won’t spend too much time there.)

I headed directly to sporting goods, where I was looking for the Danskin yoga blocks I had just found online. When I got there, I saw a guy with green Danskin yoga blocks in his hand. The shelf appeared empty, so my first thought was, “Homeslice better step off!” Once I saw there was a second set of yoga blocks (purple), I picked them up. My next thought was, “Homeslice looks like a guy I’d sleep with!” Now, obviously, I have enough game to know that this is when I should have said something and I actually looked cute enough to flirt…but I got a little flustered at this point because I started thinking that he was buying them for his gf who was going to walk up at any minute. Maybe she was just looking at water bottles or something the next aisle over. But then I thought that he would have bought the purple blocks if they were for a girl, but I’m a girl, and I would have wanted the green ones, so I wasn’t sure. Also, he didn’t smile at me or acknowledge that a cute girl in bomb Nikes was buying the same item he was, so then I was just confused. And once I start to overthink things, I’m done for. Then I picked up a green yoga mat, which I dropped, and got even more flustered.

So I was checking him out out of the corner of my eye and thinking if he would pick up a product I already owned (pretty goddamn likely in this aisle) then I could make my move by saying, “Oh, you don’t want to buy that,” and giving him a review. But he was looking at those “Perfect Push-ups” things which is like the one thing I haven’t tried (note to self: damnit!!) and I was “ignoring” him and looking at yoga towels which I had no interest in buying but just wanted to linger. Finally, we both moved on. I went to look at scales, another thing on my list, but decided not to buy one.

A little while later, I was looking at meat (it’s a “super” Wal-Mart) and hunting for any sort of non-sodium steeped pork product (non-existent) when he came up behind me. So I was proceeding down the line checking the nutrition facts on everything (probably when I really blew it because he was like, “This chick is crazy,” but I just wanted to scream, “Yes, I read ingredients labels! You don’t want me to raise our kids to have hypertension do you?!!”) and he was sort of following along behind me, examining the products moments after I was. It was bizarre. I was thoroughly creeped out at that point.

Not only did he look and dress like every guy I’ve been into lately (I’ve been off Jewish Republicans and onto clean-cut sorta-crunchy white guys…I know…weird), but then I got a look at his cart. Ummm….well along with the green yoga blocks, he had the scale I had decided not to buy. And he also had the same produce as I did (including asparagus — not the most commonly bought thing in Wal-Mart!) As I settled on organic, free-range chicken thighs (who knew, Wal-Mart?!) I wondered, How could he not realize that we were soul mates?!?!?

I lingered. He still hadn’t noticed me, or my basket, which at this point I found a little absurd because by now, several other guys and stock boys had noticed me and were giving me attention. I love grocery shopping so I would love to meet the love of my life as we locked eyes in a grocery store…but it wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t choose my check-out line.

So he was the one who got away…but it’s probably just as well. I can’t be telling my grandkids I met the love of my life at Wal-Mart.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lesley May 1, 2010 at 7:00 pm

LOL! I feel like I’ve had this same experience. Except that it was at the dollar store!

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2 Melissa May 1, 2010 at 7:04 pm

That is funny! Now, if you see him at Sam’s Club or somewhere else strange, either he’s the ONE or he’s a creepy stalker. Weird that he bought the scale you were gonna buy. I’d be nervous about this one…did you notice if he followed you home? (insert creepy twilight zone music here)
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Flirting With Vegan =-.

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3 Kim @ LEO the lion says GER May 1, 2010 at 7:28 pm

I’m literally screaming out from the inside for you on this one. I wish I could have watched this as a play by play. I’d watch it just like Glee. I could sit here and yell at the TV and be sad and feel pathetic at the same time.

But maybe he wasn’t interested because he was buying the yoga blocks for his boyfriend?

Also, I had no idea Wal-Mart had anything organic. Sweet.
.-= Kim @ LEO the lion says GER´s last blog ..Finals! =-.

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4 Nikki May 1, 2010 at 7:33 pm

This made me crack up. Great story. haha.

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5 Rachel May 1, 2010 at 7:33 pm

Kim — If he were gay, he totally would be over here drinking wine and watching DVRd Chelsea with me right now! And yes, Wal-Mart does actually carry quite a good stock of organics!

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6 Anna May 1, 2010 at 9:19 pm

HAHA great story!!! And you guys can have your wedding in the Garden Section and feature it on PeopleofWalmart.com !

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7 Kevin @lunchboxsix May 1, 2010 at 11:38 pm

Yes. I agree with Kim. He was gay. Sorry. A straight guy would have used purple blocks, would not have read the label’s most likely, or bought a scale. And would have hands down asked you out for a drink. Guess he is the one losing out.

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8 liane May 2, 2010 at 12:36 am

The local grocery store chain in my city has won the “Best place to meet at date” in
in our city’s annual “Best of” poll for a number of years now. That distinction led to an annual Valentine’s Day Meet and Greet event for singles at one of their locations and that event was so succesful that they have parlayed it to a monthly event. So meeting your soulmate at the grocery store isn’t such a farfetched idea :)
.-= liane´s last blog ..These are my confessions =-.

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9 MelissaNibbles May 2, 2010 at 5:51 am

Oh, you should’ve said something!! My boyfriend is a Jewish liberal and I have to hide Walmart bags from him when I shop there. Seriously, if he ever knew that the organic spring mix salad he ate for dinner last night came from Walmart, we’d be over. Why can’t Walmart just be nicer to their employees so I can shop there without guilt and shame?! I’m risking my relationship on that place!!!

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10 Kionda May 2, 2010 at 11:02 am

Oh man! It would have been great if one of you said something! I would have loved to read the follow up blog to that one. ;)

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11 Fattie Fatterton May 2, 2010 at 11:13 pm

::Snorg:: The part about not raising your kids to have hypertension was the best part.
.-= Fattie Fatterton´s last blog ..Go big or go home =-.

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12 Johana - My Quirky Life May 3, 2010 at 2:35 pm

This has happened to me at Trader Joe’s…Target…and Big Lots, was like deja vu reading your re-telling of your adventure!
.-= Johana – My Quirky Life´s last blog ..Battle of the Eating StylesI have been noticing through all the… =-.

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