Rate Your Date: The Rachel Wilkerson Male Scale

by Rachel on May 27, 2010

People often don’t understand how I can love guys so much…and I can love banging them but also love dating them but also love being in love with them. Most girls say they can’t keep it all separate. But I know within one conversation with a guy what I want…because I’ve already rated him.

Yes…I rate guys. With numbers. But…it’s probably not what you think.

The scale is something I’ve shared with my friends informally over the years, as a way of explaining my feelings on certain guys. When I presented it to a good friend last night at happy hour, in an effort to help her understand a guy situation she was dealing with, she declared it “life-changing” and said, “I wish I had known this sooner.”

When I hear that, I know it’s time to share my secret.

It’s probably going to give the guys who still stalk me something to think about but ya know…maybe it’s time they knew.

But more important, it’s definitely time for more women to know! So I present to you…

Now I’m not just some man-objectifying biatch. These numbers are not about looks, skillz, inches, or anything like that. They just help me keep my head straight. They also help me decide when to take off my pants.

Allow me to explain…

0. Zero is for zero chemistry. No. Never. Not a chance. This isn’t saying he’s unattractive or anything…I just have a pretty specific type and don’t usually have chemistry with guys who aren’t my type. This is a guy whom I can be really good friends with and set up with my best girl friends but no…I’d never hit.

1. One is for “one-night stand.” Like, we may have amazing chemistry but we have nothing in common except a shared desire to see each other naked. I mean, yes I have a type, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t ended up in bed with bearded hippies before. They were Ones.

2. Twos are guys I like a little more than Ones; we might have things in common but we’re just not compatible. A lot of frat guys in college were Twos. Like, we can enjoy some sexy sarcastic banter and have a pretty good conversation about Greek Week….but they misuse “your” and “you’re.” I like them…but I don’t like their taste in music or books. I can just tell it wouldn’t really work out. I like them…but I don’t really care about them. I can have several Twos and once…and I’m not really concerned if they have other girls too.

3. Threes are the guys I can tell I have chemistry with and truly really like but I’m not totally sure where it’s going. This is usually where I’m most comfortable. I love dating! I love meeting new guys and being excited about them and wondering where it’s going to go. Threes are so fun! I wouldn’t have more than two Threes at once because I really do like them and don’t want to mess things up. (But until it’s on Facebook, I don’t have a problem with having two of them!) A Three can become a Four…or can become a Two. It usually all goes back to grammar.

4. This is a guy I like enough to hang out with on a weeknight. (I’m really selfish with my time/sleep during the week so that’s a big step.) I’ll spend the night in his bed even though I know it will cost me sleep and I’ll probably actually cuddle with him (for like 10 minutes max though). A Four is a guy I want to be my Facebook Official Boyfriend. I might not want to wife him, but I have really strong feelings for him and I think our relationship is going to be an important one.

5. Oooh weee…I am not messing around here; when it comes to a Five, I want a rock on my finger. I am in love, watching wedding shows, and imagining what our kids would look like. I can’t even think about dating another guy. I would be comfortable with him meeting my crazy family and I’m pretty sure we should move in together, like…tomorrow. For me, Fives are rare — as well they should be! When you lose a Five, it hurts.

(And that is why I don’t like math.)

Now the Male Scale might seem a little ridiculous, but it actually really helps me…because I’m not so much rating the guys as I’m rating my feelings.

When you’re meeting guys, you need to know what you want. Sometimes I can say, “I’m only looking for Twos right now,” and it’s just better to know that and act accordingly (tequila, anyone?!). But I’ve also realized that you have to be honest with yourself and figure out what you want based on each individual guy.

If a guy is a Three or higher, I also wait at least three dates to sleep with him. That probably clears up a lot of confusion for guys who don’t understand how I can blog about my sex life and then get all, “How dare you!?” when they go for my skirt.

Really, though, sometimes people don’t understand the whole “having sex with a guy you aren’t dating” thing. They can’t separate sex from relationships. And there’s nothing wrong with that! But because I sort of know ahead of time what I want from a guy, I just sex accordingly. (And if I know a guy is a Zero, I don’t accept a dinner invite because I don’t want to sex at all.)

Sex too soon can make you turn a Three into a Four way too soon and that is not pretty. Not pretty at all.

One thing I’ve become aware of is that I never really want a Four or a Five…until I meet him. Then being in a relationship — with him — is all I want.

I’ve never told any guys about this and I’d never tell a guy where he stands; it’s just a way that I can be honest with myself about what I want from guys. And I think this is a lesson a lot of girls could stand to learn. If a guy is a Four and you tell yourself he’s a Two and so then sleep with him…you’re going to be really, really hurt when he casually mentions he’s sleeping with other people. If you see a guy as a Five and he sees you as a One, you need to run away. Run.

And that’s the part that my friend said was life-changing. I think a lot of us make a habit of pretending we don’t care about a guy in an effort to not feel rejected or hurt if he doesn’t feel the same way. But I don’t anymore. If a guy is a Four, I accept that and don’t pretend he’s anything less. And yes, it hurts, but I try to think about how I feel about Twos or Threes and I remember…it’s not personal. I just don’t feel that. And nothing they do will change my mind. And you can’t change a guy’s mind. If you see a guy as a Four and he sees you as a Zero, taking diet pills is not going to help. It’s time to move on.

And remember, you should rate yourself too! You are somebody’s Four. You are somebody’s FIVE! I’m a dating optimist. I truly believe that there is a guy who is my Five who thinks I’m a Five too and hello

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

1 zenLizzie May 27, 2010 at 12:38 pm

“I like them…but I don’t really care about them.”..lol.. your dating philosophies remind me a lot of mine in the pre-bf days. And, probably, they would be the same now, I’ve just tried to settle down because I think he’s a “5.” I honestly have felt sorry for guys that I dated because I knew they were 1’s or 2’s, but they didn’t realize that at the time. I wish I would have had this scale so I could have given them the “You’re SOMEONE’s 5… just not mine”-talk.
.-= zenLizzie´s last blog ..My Week Without Sugar (almost) =-.

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2 Alicia May 27, 2010 at 1:02 pm

See, when you old and married like me, the rating scales become related to if the hubby liked what you made for dinner. I have to admit: I miss my use of your just a little bit :)
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..The “I Heart 2010″ Playlist =-.

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3 Hayley @ Breath of Fire May 27, 2010 at 1:08 pm

I love this so, so much.
“Sex too soon can make you turn a Three into a Four way too soon and that is not pretty. Not pretty at all.” –> You NAILED it, woman.
Overall, in my life right now there is an excess of zeros and ones.
I wonder what the male version of this scale would look like? Would there even be one, since it’s based on feelings? (I kid…. kind of)
.-= Hayley @ Breath of Fire´s last blog ..Hayley: Addicted =-.

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4 sarah @ syrupandhoney May 27, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Give me the bearded hippies, please!

“It usually all goes back to grammar.” AMEN.
.-= sarah @ syrupandhoney´s last blog ..Cooking Skirt Steak =-.

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5 Manon May 27, 2010 at 2:31 pm

I’m soooooooooo sending this to all of my friends who think I’m nuts when I tell them I can tell after hanging out with a guy ONCE where it’s going. Now if I could just hold to your rule of a 3+, keep your panties on, I’d be in a lot better shape. Or, KNOWING a guy is a 2, but he’s sooooooooooo good I try to pretend he’s promotable. ….is that a word? Anyway, yeah…..never pretty.

and ps….yes, grammar is key :)
.-= Manon´s last blog ..Nightmare on Elm Street…..and a Back-up Plan…. =-.

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6 Katie May 27, 2010 at 2:47 pm

This reminds me of a song by Ida Maria called “I like you so much better when you’re naked.” LOL I totally understand where she’s coming from!
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Apricot Glazed Turkey Burgers Stuffed with Goat Cheese =-.

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7 Rachel Marlena May 27, 2010 at 2:48 pm

“But until it is on Facebook, I don’t have a problem having two of them!”

So true. If it is not facebook official, it is NOT official. Such a great post Rachel — being honest with ourselves and other people, ESPECIALLY when it involves relationships and sex can only lead to good things (well…within reason).

xoxo

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8 Rachel May 27, 2010 at 9:17 pm

@Katie I love that song!! (As you might expect…)

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9 Rachel Marlena May 27, 2010 at 11:41 pm

LMAO a few of my friends literally introduced that song to me by saying “Rachel, listen to this: it is your theme song.” In particular ‘What the HELL did I do that for!?’

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10 Katie May 28, 2010 at 9:23 am

hahaha, nice!

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11 Caitlin May 28, 2010 at 5:07 pm

“It usually all goes back to grammar.”

Thank GOODNESS I am not the only one who screams from the inside when men (and heck women, too) don’t get this straight. I have put plenty of men to the side for bad text messaging, emails and Facebook posts looking like all the vowels decided to up and leave the grammar party. Amen!
.-= Caitlin´s last blog ..Summer Spending Challenge =-.

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12 Fattie Fatterton May 29, 2010 at 1:55 pm

LOVE it. I am the same way – I can separate out sex from relationships and I think it’s fine to do that.

The best part of a relationship is always the beginning where you are excited about the possibilities. Even as happy as I am in my relationship, I do miss the feelings of the beginning sometimes. But I also appreciate the steadfastness and consistency of my relationship.
.-= Fattie Fatterton´s last blog ..I would write something witty… =-.

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13 Lauren @ She's a Runner June 5, 2010 at 4:57 pm

This is golden! I agree that it’s life changing. I am sending a link to my sister, who has a tendency to find Ones and Twos and try to change them into her Five. Or thinks they will magically change on their own. The whole thing is genius. So many people are not honest with themselves about the way they feel (or the way the other person feels) and they end up in bad situations. (And when I say they…I’m including myself. Big time)

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14 Elisabeth August 30, 2010 at 11:58 am

I can’t figure out how I never read this post before, but it’s definitely a classic. I haven’t been “off the market” for long enough to forget the days of pretending like a 2 is going to turn into a 3, but then he instead becomes a 1.

It is definitely true also that if you’re only looking for 2’s, that’s what you’ll certainly get. When I met Rick, I was looking for a 3, and hoping he’d turn into a 5. It took some time, but he did!

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15 angierunner September 2, 2010 at 2:41 pm

love your blog!

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16 Rachel September 15, 2010 at 5:45 pm

Well after reading this, my roommate and I had no choice but to draw our own scale and put it on the fridge…with current boys in their respective categories. I would definitely recommend doing this, it was good roommate bonding time and also a good reminder. :)
Thanks Rachel!

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17 Rachel September 15, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Awww…I literally laughed out loud at that!!

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18 Erin December 9, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Your scale is so brilliant!
My type is definitely the bearded hippie, who uses correct grammar.

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19 BulldozerBegins April 4, 2011 at 10:03 pm

With a little tweaking of criteria, this scale could easily be applied to what a man like me thinks of a woman. I’ve recently been talking a lot with someone who is about at 2.5 on your scale. I CARE about her; and we seem to get along well; but I don’t really TRUST her with anything. Former friends of hers have warned me that she can be pretty unreliable. I’ve seen evidence she can be accident-prone; and is her own worst enemy at times. Not hopeless, but not impressive. The worst part is that her and I go back all the way to grade school; so there’s some implication that I should be loyal and lenient to an old friend. If she were a complete stranger, she’d be a 1, and I’d’ve given up on her right away.

I’m drawn to extremes; but it seems that in the end, I choose classy over trashy.

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20 Megan March 29, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I just found this post and LOVE it…I just got out of a relationship with a “5” a few months ago and have reallllly had trouble not feeling totally rejected anytime I meet/see a new guy and he doesn’t show immediate interest back, or if we have a tequila-fueled sleepover and he doesn’t call me the next day. It has made for some serious headcase games and can be totally confidence killing (on top of a confidence killing breakup!). This post reminded me how I once used to view men…or like you said, viewed my feelings about men…and I want to get back to that. Sometimes you just need to get laid really fucking well, but I don’t need to do that with any 3’s or maybe even 2’s right now. So bring on a few 1’s and maybe a 3 or 4 somewhere in the future when my heart is stronger and ready for it.

Thanks for the post and the reminder! Love your blog and your life-lovin’ groove!

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