After reading Cook to Bang, I couldn’t resist soliciting the banging cook himself for a guest recipe. He asked what you guys would be interested in; I told him about McMuffins and he totally got it. I think you’ll love his style of prose that made me LOL in his book, plus the recipe is off the hook. So now I’m turning it over to Spencer Walker, author and blogger of Cook to Bang!
Engage your suspension of disbelief for a moment and imagine that me, a stranger with average looks, height, and income, could pick up the uber sexy Rachel Wilkerson at a bar. No doubt to score a quality woman like Rachel would require all manner of charm, humor, and memorable quips to arouse her mind and body. Using canned pick up lines, bragging about my 401K, or even intimating that I’m packing heat in my pantaloons will cause Operation Ravish Rachel to crash and burn. The only way to bring this babe home is through promises of delicious decadence. [Rachel’s note: That or tequila.]
Which brings me to be the most effective method of getting the girl or boy of your wet dreams to give into your carnal desires. Cook for them, that night if possible. While Rachel the health nut will surely pimp-slap me for suggesting late-night dining due to digestion and calorie build-up, you can’t beat something scrumptious when liquor courses through your veins. Plus you can stop a hangover before it cock-blocks your following day. More importantly, you and Mr./Ms. Right (Now) can share a meal that will bond more than just your genitals.
My best pick-up move that many of my friends have since adopted is to pick up someone deemed “out of my league” by discussing food rather than their tits and ass. Describe in vivid detail a meal you had recently, or better yet cooked yourself. Engage their tummy in conversation and demonstrate your worth through your prowess…your culinary prowess. Play it right and when the time comes, offer to fix them a late-night snack. My go-to is breakfast food; it’s usually technically morning anyway. Plus breakfast food is fast and just do damn satisfying. Below is my recipe for from-scratch banana pancakes. Skip the wack pre-mixed shit because it shows little imagination and gumption — stuff you’ll need by the bucketful once you enter the bedroom.
Total time: approximately 12 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking wingman: Mimosa
Ingredients (serves 2)
1 cup flour
1 tbsp peanut butter
2 tbsp brown sugar
1/2 cup milk
1/2 stick butter
1 banana sliced thinly
1 handful pecans chopped finely
1 tsp baking powder
2 tbsp honey
Step 1: Create the peanut butter banana pancake batter.
First sift together the flour, brown sugar, and baking powder. Melt half the butter. Create a hole in the center of the powder and fill it with the egg, milk, and melted butter. Mix it into a batter, and then add the peanut butter, half the banana, and honey. Mix it all and hot damn!
Step 2: Make it hot.
Heat up a pan, skillet or griddle. Throw a sliver of butter down before ladling the pancakes one at a time. Cook each side until they brown (approx 2 min) flipping once. Repeat until you have four glorious pancakes. Lay out the banana slices and scatter shot the pecan pieces. Add butter and syrup, as you deem necessary.
This recipe makes me so excited it’s almost the weekend! Thanks to Spencer for getting us all one step closer to getting banged. Personally I appreciate any breakfast recipe that can be enjoyed before going to bed…honestly, when have I ever stuck around long enough for brunch?