Lesson #11: How to Get Over of a Fear of Flying

Ever been afraid of flying? Don’t be.

1. Read Meeting Your Half Orange.
2. Put a picture of an orange on your Vision Board and ask to fall in love.
3. Confront your secret crushes and accept it when your crush doesn’t see you as a Five.
4. When a really good friend offers to set you up with a guy who she thinks is perfect for you, let her, even if he lives in another state. Even if he lives in Texas.
5. Rate the new guy accordingly. Be surprised when you realize he rates pretty high.
6. Look really good on web cam while you video chat with him for at least three hours a day.
7. Realize that the situation is absolutely ridiculous, in the best way possible.
8. Tell your friends and your mother “DIK.”
9. Let him book you a flight for your first date, on the agreement that there are no expectations.
10. Stop watching “Law & Order: SVU.”
11. Re-read Meeting Your Half-Orange in between more three-hour video chats, non-stop texts, and a few lengthy phone calls.
12. When the date-cation is a five days away, and you can barely stand the anticipation, take good ridiculous to a new level and suggest he book your flight for…like…now. Wait while he calls Southwest at 1 AM to re-schedule your flight for the next day.
13. Appreciate the fact that Southwest is kinda baller and lets you check two bags for free. Subsequently over-pack. Be OK with it because you know this is a trip where you aren’t bringing any excess baggage.
14. The day of the flight, try to eat but realize that it’s damn near impossible because of the anxiousness you’re feeling. You were already like a kid before Christmas, and now it’s like Santa told that kid, “Hey guess what! Christmas is December 15th this year! And you’re getting a PlayStation, a pony, and maybe getting laid!”
15. Since you can’t eat, have two drinks…and suddenly remember why you drink. You can tooootally do this. Board the flight to Chicago. See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?
16. Transfer to the plane to Houston. Close your eyes as it takes off and try to be OK with the enormity, ridiculousness, and level of optimism involved in what you’re doing.
17. When you’re en route and your buzz wears off, you’ll start to get anxious again, so have another drink on the flight…
18. …and then go ahead and have a second (well, technically, fourth). I mean, really, you’re flying across the country for a first date! Then remember that you’ve been too nervous to eat anything all day so you should probably lay off the booze at this point.
19. Still lacking an appetite, offer your seat-mate your airline-issued 100 Calorie Pack of Cheese Nips. When she says, “Oh my gosh, thank you! There’s nothing I’d like more than to have your nips!” and then turns bright red, die laughing with her. This moment will be the moment when all your anxiety and nerves completely vanish and turn to pure excitement. Turns out, your LOL is actually more calming than any drink could ever be.
20. Despite the fact that you’re not a rom-com girl, kiss him right in the middle of baggage claim and let your date-cation begin!

Any questions?