On Breeding

by Rachel on July 26, 2010

I have touched on this before but I have a very, very specific type when it comes to guys. Once night recently, Leah and I were on Facebook looking at guys we’ve hooked up with and she said that all mine look the same.

That might be true.

I have a type. What can I say?

I actually have two types, and not to get all “men are like dogs,” but this can best be explained by turning to examples from the American Kennel Club.

At first, I just started thinking of dogs to explain the differences in their body hair, but I realized it really is just a good way to explain each type….or, well, breed.

Dobermans are dark-haired, broad-chested, muscley guys, usually on the shorter side. They take good care of their bodies and are usually really good-looking. And it’s not like Dobermans specifically have to be Jewish…but I am attracted to the dark hair and, well, large snouts. Dobermans also tend to be pretty conservative, politically speaking. I’ll come across them at a party as they are talking to a bunch of fratty-looking guys about their favorite Fox News talking heads. You’d think I’d care, but I just file it under “good ridiculous,” while they just sort of pat me on the head and say, “Oh, you, silly girl. You and your civil rights!” They like rap and are likely to be wearing a graphic tee or a button down (not Jersey-shore style though; make no mistake — I’m not that ridiculous). Here’s the thing about Dobermans though: while they seem ridiculous or even aggressive, their bark is worse than their bite. They usually are sweeter and more genuine than you’d ever expect.

Then there are the Pomeranians. Pomeranians are taller and thinner, with more of a runner’s build, although they are never super-defined. They have sandy-colored hair and blue eyes. They are cute and popular; you can’t help but really like them. They are more known for their sense of humor, whereas Dobermans come across as more serious. I don’t really like goofy guys, but Pomeranians tend to be sillier. (I mean, just look at that dog and the way its tongue hangs out all the time. They just make you laugh.)

Pomeranians are more liberal than Dobermans. They aren’t hippies, but they are a little more crunchy, carrying a Sigg water bottle and wear super broken-in Seven jeans.. They definitely listen to rap…but they also listen to John Mayer. The problem with Pomeranians: they are so cute and fun, they seem harmless. But they aren’t. You think, Oh, this little dog can’t hurt me, but they’ll bite your finger and break your heart before you know what’s happening.

In terms of body hair, Pomeranians have lots of blond fluffy hair. It’s not excessive but you know it’s there, and they do have to take care of it, because it can get a little out of hand. In general, it’s just a nice, healthy coat. Dobermans have the ripped chests and arms…that are covered in a fine layer of stubble. They would be hairy, but they are kinda vain, so they shave it, leaving me with rug burn all over my upper body.

(On a slightly related note, last spring, I hooked up with a Chihuahua. No hair, just skin. A little disturbing.)

(Also, Doberman or Pomeranian, they almost always wear glasses. I love when guys wear glasses. I love it especially when they only wear them at night after they’ve taken their contacts out because I equate seeing a guy in his classes to seeing a girl in her cute and sexy pajamas. It’s intimate, you know? I also love it when they take them off before they kiss you. When a guy takes off his glasses, it’s like, “Oh yeah, it’s on.”)

I’m not sure a Doberman and a Pomeranian could mate, but if they did, then they’d produce a puppy, I suppose, that would be just like Eric. He’s got so many characteristics of each, it’s impossible to peg him as either. But I’m cool being with a mutt.

A lot of people say they don’t have a type, and that’s fine, but I know there have to be other people like me, whose type you can spot a mile away at the dog park! Do you have a type? And if so, what breed is it? Do share!

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Ashley July 26, 2010 at 8:52 am

You know, as a dog person I love this but I cannot pin down a breed for fiance! I tend to divide men into types based on the S&TC husbands and tell people that while I’m a Carrie, I’m marrying Harry Goldenblatt.

I picture Eric as a cross between Harry and Smith!

Reply

2 Rachel July 26, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Hmmmm I will have to think on this a little longer but I like the Harry/Smith combo a LOT. Like, SO nice but looks great with his shirt off. Also, he does not sit naked on the couch or leave tea bags everywhere…thank goodness.

Reply

3 Elisabeth July 26, 2010 at 9:03 am

I TOTALLY have a type. Totally. Like, anyone can look at a guy and know that he’s my type. Tall, dark, handsome. Square features, high cheekbones, thin, yet athletic and muscular. Slightly aloof (I somehow equate this to being “cool”), but willing to fight when the time is right. Not hairy…I’m so NOT into hairy guys. I mean, Chihuahua’s are creepy, but the less body hair, the better.

No idea what breed this equates to. Greyhound maybe?

Reply

4 Rachel July 26, 2010 at 10:54 pm

Yup. Greyhound for your man. Except Blackhound.

Reply

5 Bonnie B July 26, 2010 at 9:09 am

Asshole and non- ?

Reply

6 Sophie @ yumventures July 26, 2010 at 9:10 am

I have two types: the hook up type and the dating type.

The hook up type is always very pure bread, some sort of sporting dog. They like to hang out on the Cape and wear boat shoes. They are pretty conservative but also can be found wearing hemp necklaces and riding a bike. Like the preppy hippy. Definitely went to a private school in CT. I would probably call them an Irish Setter or something like that.

The dating type are usually blonde, blue eyed, often Polish, always Republican and Catholic (I’m neither. Don’t ask. I just find them). Not too troubled or “deep”, but always have more to them than meets the eye. And very intelligent. They always have a large stature but are incredibly gooey at heart. But if anyone tries to cross me, they will fight to the death. Like a blood hound.

PS TOTALLY agree about the glasses thing. Can’t go wrong there =)

Reply

7 Rachel July 26, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Irish Setter, too perf, I can totally visualize it!!

Reply

8 Katie July 26, 2010 at 11:26 pm

Sophie- I’m not even going to write an original response because it is just totally the same as yours. I went to private lib arts and so there were tons of Irish Setters to hook up with… now I sound like I’m into really weird sh*t.

Reply

9 Rachel's Mom July 26, 2010 at 9:14 am

The AKC classifies dogs into groups like working dogs, herding dogs, sporting dogs, toy breed, etc. I wonder how those classifications play into women’s choices. I guess the “toy” breed is what the cougars are looking for!

Reply

10 Bess July 26, 2010 at 9:55 am

I love this analogy! I have definitely dated my share of German Shepherds and French Bulldogs.

But as for long term, I am looking more for a Rottweiler or a Mastiff.

Reply

11 Eunice July 26, 2010 at 12:47 pm

My type must have the 3 B’s: big, black and bald. I dont know which dog that would compare to, I guess a rottweiler? That’s my type, has always been, and my boyfriend obviously fits that description haha. As far as personality, I like shy guys, smart, thoughtful, but not too sensitive. I appreciate a little arrogance.

Reply

12 Kendra July 26, 2010 at 1:15 pm

I have two pretty distinct types that I’ll actually be interested in. I’m kind of a crush slut but I don’t take 90% of them seriously.

The first, and the type that I am much more attracted to for the long term is the brooding artist. He’s an intellectual, smarter than me, thin and tall. Usually has a strong jaw, a strong bone structure in general. He’s a strange mix of conservative and liberal because he’s really analyzed the issues. This is my ideal.

The second type, and really just the type I want to lust over is the super strong manly man. Not a meat head, but muscle-y. His personality doesn’t really matter, he’s just there to be looked at.

I have no idea how these fit into the dog prototype.

Reply

13 Robyn Horn July 26, 2010 at 3:26 pm

I’ve always thought I’d end up with a German Shepherd — tall, dark-haired, brooding and serious.

I have never dated this type.

Was very serious once upon a time with a Rottweiler — tough, militaristic and a bit clueless. Alas, that did not work out. (For the better anyways . . . he was a Republican.)

I’m ridiculously happy with my BF of almost a year (his name is Alex – no, you can’t have him), who is most like a golden retriever – blonde, happy, loving and loyal. Almost all of the guys I’ve dated were this type. Kind of appropriate, though — my parents have three goldens (Rosie, Hunter, and Chunk).

Reply

14 Tara July 26, 2010 at 3:42 pm

Boxer, Boxer, Boxer! That really describes the men I love to love (and look at). Powerful, confident, muscular, and totally rough around the edges. It’s the guy that I see from across the street then tromple through traffic to get over there and get his attention. And the whole time I’m staring at how gorgeous his eyes are and how well-defined his body is, I’m thinking “he can’t ever meet my friends…I mean call them the wolf pack because they would tear him to pieces”. Because well…he’s just not refined or intelligent in an Anderson Cooper kind of way (damn!). He probably could benefit from a few etiquette classes as well, but he’s okay with that and in fact is so dripping with confidence that he’s actually incredibly arrogant. He can however totally rehab my bathroom, fix my car, and still manage to shoot the breeze about fluff politics. That’s fine in my book…I’ll teach him in a thing or two.

And while he is ready to throw down in my honor in an instant, he’s a total Puggle inside. In his most vulnerable moments he’s actually really sweet and caring. The tough guy persona, although very much him, is often left outside of the relationship and he is extremely tentative to my needs. He loves to take me out to nice dinners or really show out for date night and his efforts are definitely rewarded!

Reply

15 Tara July 26, 2010 at 10:49 pm

*Attentive NOT tentative- this made me laugh so hard when I got home tonight because all day I was scheduling my meetings and I can’t count how many times I said “the tentative date is…”!! This is exactly why I do not do extracurriculars at work!

But, okay, Rachel I later went online and read about Boxers and I didn’t even scratch the surface of why my men are total dogs (in a good way!). Point by point I really do love Boxers. I have never thought about the canine pedigree of my guy but I feel like I just aced a ‘Do You Know Your Man?’ Cosmo quiz.

Reply

16 Rachel July 26, 2010 at 10:52 pm

I literally LOLd at “total Puggle inside.” This was so great.

Reply

17 Meg July 26, 2010 at 4:08 pm

I love this piece. And, I do have a breed type. I love German Shepherds. I like men and dogs who are super smart, hard working and talented. This type is generally tall, well muscled and strong, but not ‘roid monsters. They are as motivated by mental challenges as they are by great food. Their hair/coloring can be black, white or multi-ratial, long hair or short hair but worn proudly with their head held high. They can easily be placid and laid back, but can also become alert and on-guard when necessary. German Shepherds take an experienced handler. You must earn their respect–they are not push-overs. However, once they form a bond, it is a close and permanent relationship.

Reply

18 TonjaToi July 26, 2010 at 8:48 pm

Talk about a 180 – from Doberman to Pom. Tara’s comment is so funny – I think I own the dumbest boxer ever. I couldn’t stand the 2 legged variety for long.
I don’t discriminate when it comes to dogs. I go for the good looking A-hole of all breeds. I settled for a lazy but intelligent stud for 7 years… which ended recently so I’m ready to add a couple more good looking A-holes to the hit list.

Reply

19 Carla in Sydney July 26, 2010 at 9:55 pm

I own 2 Jack Russells and I also tend to go after the “Jack Russell” of men too….energetic and athletic. Very head-strong but not in a cocky way….they will come on most occasions that you call them but, ocasionally, they will ignore you just to keep you on your toes. They are clean and don’t smell and they are way too refined for “drooling”. They are playful and silly and like to “go” until they literally fall down. This “dog” is friendly with most people but remains 100% comitted and loyal to it’s owner. The Jack Russell may be smaller in stature but it is “the little dog with the big heart”. (Now…. The real Jack Russell’s don’t wear glasses but I am an absolute SUCKER for a guy with glasses…..they make ME drool!!!).

LOVE this post….so much fun!!! :-)

Reply

20 Rachel July 26, 2010 at 10:51 pm

HA I love “go until they literally fall down.” Ahhh…cute.

Reply

21 Paige S July 26, 2010 at 11:19 pm

Boston Terrier for sure: they have that perfect mix of humor and charm. They only have two settings, insane energy and coma-like sleeping. Also, they’re usually pretty independent(love that) but occasionally really sweet and understanding. Although I think bug eyes and huge ears are probably best left to the dogs…

Reply

22 Carla July 26, 2010 at 11:41 pm

Wow, I was really unsure of my breed at first, so i thought about “my type” . . . Great Dane came to mind turns out it couldnt be more fitting!
*As described by the American Kennel Club, “The Great Dane combines, in its regal appearance, dignity, strength and elegance with grand size and a well-formed body. One of the largest working breeds, it never appears ugly.”
“The Great Dane is typically a gentle giant, easygoing and mild-mannered.
He needs only moderate exercise, but does need space. Above all, this sociable breed needs companionship. He doesn’t do well when left alone.”
*Also Scooby-doo is a Great Dane :)

Reply

23 sbg July 27, 2010 at 2:31 am

lol that you say your type is jewish guys who are conservative!

i’m jewish also, so i get a kick out of this.

Reply

24 Trinidad Pena July 27, 2010 at 11:01 am

Too funny… Hmm, what’s my type… I’m gonna go with Dalmatian! Ha!
“The Dalmatian is alert and active, possessing great endurance, speed and intelligence…”
I’m a fan of the um… endurance.

Reply

25 Annabelle July 28, 2010 at 12:24 am

Haha, I always assumed I was more attracted to the ~brooding artist~ types. Then I realized that those guys typically just irritate the hell out of me, and almost every guy I’ve ever been attracted to has been a crew-cut jock. Surprise!

Reply

26 Erin December 9, 2010 at 7:46 pm

I just discovered your blog today, and it makes me so happy. You are SO right about the taking the glasses off thing. It’s always super sexy, and definitely means business.
Hmm, my type might be a Lab. Shaggy, affectionate, and smart. My boyfriend has ridiculous amounts of beard and shaggy hair, that he can’t be bothered to groom.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: