I have touched on this before but I have a very, very specific type when it comes to guys. Once night recently, Leah and I were on Facebook looking at guys we’ve hooked up with and she said that all mine look the same.
That might be true.
I have a type. What can I say?
I actually have two types, and not to get all “men are like dogs,” but this can best be explained by turning to examples from the American Kennel Club.
At first, I just started thinking of dogs to explain the differences in their body hair, but I realized it really is just a good way to explain each type….or, well, breed.
Dobermans are dark-haired, broad-chested, muscley guys, usually on the shorter side. They take good care of their bodies and are usually really good-looking. And it’s not like Dobermans specifically have to be Jewish…but I am attracted to the dark hair and, well, large snouts. Dobermans also tend to be pretty conservative, politically speaking. I’ll come across them at a party as they are talking to a bunch of fratty-looking guys about their favorite Fox News talking heads. You’d think I’d care, but I just file it under “good ridiculous,” while they just sort of pat me on the head and say, “Oh, you, silly girl. You and your civil rights!” They like rap and are likely to be wearing a graphic tee or a button down (not Jersey-shore style though; make no mistake — I’m not that ridiculous). Here’s the thing about Dobermans though: while they seem ridiculous or even aggressive, their bark is worse than their bite. They usually are sweeter and more genuine than you’d ever expect.
Then there are the Pomeranians. Pomeranians are taller and thinner, with more of a runner’s build, although they are never super-defined. They have sandy-colored hair and blue eyes. They are cute and popular; you can’t help but really like them. They are more known for their sense of humor, whereas Dobermans come across as more serious. I don’t really like goofy guys, but Pomeranians tend to be sillier. (I mean, just look at that dog and the way its tongue hangs out all the time. They just make you laugh.)
Pomeranians are more liberal than Dobermans. They aren’t hippies, but they are a little more crunchy, carrying a Sigg water bottle and wear super broken-in Seven jeans.. They definitely listen to rap…but they also listen to John Mayer. The problem with Pomeranians: they are so cute and fun, they seem harmless. But they aren’t. You think, Oh, this little dog can’t hurt me, but they’ll bite your finger and break your heart before you know what’s happening.
In terms of body hair, Pomeranians have lots of blond fluffy hair. It’s not excessive but you know it’s there, and they do have to take care of it, because it can get a little out of hand. In general, it’s just a nice, healthy coat. Dobermans have the ripped chests and arms…that are covered in a fine layer of stubble. They would be hairy, but they are kinda vain, so they shave it, leaving me with rug burn all over my upper body.
(On a slightly related note, last spring, I hooked up with a Chihuahua. No hair, just skin. A little disturbing.)
(Also, Doberman or Pomeranian, they almost always wear glasses. I love when guys wear glasses. I love it especially when they only wear them at night after they’ve taken their contacts out because I equate seeing a guy in his classes to seeing a girl in her cute and sexy pajamas. It’s intimate, you know? I also love it when they take them off before they kiss you. When a guy takes off his glasses, it’s like, “Oh yeah, it’s on.”)
I’m not sure a Doberman and a Pomeranian could mate, but if they did, then they’d produce a puppy, I suppose, that would be just like Eric. He’s got so many characteristics of each, it’s impossible to peg him as either. But I’m cool being with a mutt.
A lot of people say they don’t have a type, and that’s fine, but I know there have to be other people like me, whose type you can spot a mile away at the dog park! Do you have a type? And if so, what breed is it? Do share!