My Very Worst Date: Just Ridiculous (Part II)

by Rachel on July 30, 2010

All right, when we left off yesterday, the person I want to hit most in the world had just confronted me and I was beginning to really like my date!

Once I started to forget about running into Smash, I really started to have fun. And sometimes, when I have fun, I drink freely. I can’t remember exactly how I ended up with a vodka and water in each hand, but it happened. Tracy, meanwhile, had texted every Sigma Kappa in our pledge class to let them know the ish that had gone down. This is the house dramz we live for, even a year after graduating. I was too busy hanging out with my date to notice the texts I was getting from all my old friends about it.

Eventually my friends came up to me and said they were going to head out. Instead of going to Kaitlin’s house, Tracy was going with our other friend Megan to stay at her apartment in Birmingham. I didn’t know where it was, but I’m certain if Tracy sends me the address, I can find it in the morning after I leave Royal Oak…and then pick Tracy up there and take her back to Northville before I go to the bus station in Ann Arbor…at 8 AM. So they texted me the address and I was good to go.

A little while later, I completely forget that I can’t, under any circumstances, go home with this guy. And when he asked me if I’m ready to leave, I said, Of course I am! After all, I’d already gone against my better instincts and let him kiss me in the bar. I was really digging him! So we left the bar and went back to his house. I swear, I honestly just forgot that it was stupid to do that. Probably because of his glasses, the vodka, and the fact that he was so fun.

So we went back to his place and I proceeded to totally seduce him — but not bang him because I know he’s at least a Three and I want to keep it classy. (He said something like, “I need to take you out to dinner;” I ignored him and went for his belt. Like I said, classy.) After leaving the living room and kitchen trailed with clothes and shoes, looking something like the opening scene of “Law & Order,” we headed upstairs. I told him I had to be up the next morning early so he could drive me to my car in Royal Oak, and then I will drive to pick up Tracy from Megan’s in Birmingham…and then drive Tracy back to Northville…and then get on the bus in Ann Arbor…all before 8 AM. He said he could just drive me to pick up Tracy in Birmingham and then drive us both back to Royal Oak and it would be much faster.

And it totally would have happened if he had just been able to get up exactly two hours later, as I had planned.

I was awake and ready to go at 6:00 but he had to find clothes and blah blah blah.

It was already 6:30 when I texted Tracy that I was coming to get her…and I guess she was expecting that I was picking her up in my car; she was not expecting me to roll up with a guy who I had specifically said I wasn’t going home with under any circumstances. But she ignored that for the moment and said, “Can we just talk about how crazy last night was?”

“You mean how we ran into Smash?” I said.

“No…Rachel…we saw a kid get hit by a car.”


Apparently, after they left the bar, they went to Jimmy John’s and ran into a friend one of the girls knew from high school. He was pretty drunk and separated from his party bus and had wandered into JJ’s. (Good choice.) They told him he could hop in their cab because they were heading in the general direction of where the party bus was, so they could at least get him closer if he was going to look for his friends on foot. He got in their cab, but then, at a stoplight, he decided he just needed to get out right there and find him. So without giving anyone a second to say anything, he just opened the door and exited the cab — right into oncoming traffic, where he was hit.

I mean.


Not in a college town, even?

That shit is bananas.

So they called an ambulance, of course, and Tracy said watching him get hit and then just lay there on the pavement was incredibly disturbing. The driver who hit him was seriously upset, as she had been doing nothing wrong, just driving along, minding her business. When his friends got there, they took it as an opportunity to start snapping pictures of the driver/scene with their camera phones. As far as I recall, the guy was taken to the hospital but he lived and no serious injuries resulted.

(Which is why we can tell it as part of an “OMG” story now.)

By the time we got back to Kaitlin’s, I was trying to get out of “Walk of Shame” mode and into “You need to spend three hours on a bus” mode. I was trying to pull my life together and collect all my stuff and get my bags with my party clothes and the alcohol I had bought for the party and such. Tracy hinted at me that I might want to get going because it did not take 20 minutes to get to Northville and then to Ann Arbor.

See, in my mind, it did. But it…didn’t.

You know I’m bad at math, but I should also say that geography is also a weak subject for me.

As we got closer to Tracy’s place in Northville, it became apparent that there was no way I’d make it if the bus was on time. Of course, the Megabus is often late, so I thought about risking it. I also thought about trying to get there on time and then sitting on the bus for three hours and then trying to get pretty for a Christmas party…after the night I’d had. And it didn’t seem likely. I could try to get on another bus, but I sure as hell couldn’t do that from my Blackberry in the car. What I needed was carbs, water, and a comfy couch to call home.

So Tracy played hostess and we got bagels for breakfast, and then I tried to change my bus from the comfort of her couch. It finally became apparent that it wasn’t happening, and I was so tired, I was pretty much incoherent, so we said fuck it and put on “Mad Men.” Eventually, our good friends from the house started getting up and texting to hear more about the curious incident of running into Smash at the bar. We were video chatting with our friend Erica, and my favorite part was 15 minutes in, she said, “Wait…aren’t you supposed to be in Chicago?”

I also really enjoyed the, “Oh, you might think running into her is good…but wait till Tracy tells you what happened after they left the bar!” Because you know, your friends think they know you, and they know me, and I’m pretty sure they were expecting some sort of sexual mishap on my part. The thing is, no matter how many crazy moments you’ve had with your sorority sisters, the minute you say, “…and got hit by a car!” their jaws hit the floor.

As the day went on, I had to tell everyone, family included, why I didn’t make it to Chicago for the party.

Smash called me and left me a voicemail saying she wanted to continue our conversation from the night before. I didn’t call her back.

After the holidays, I had drinks with the guy a few weeks later, back in Royal Oak. After he and his friends left the bar, they found a kid passed out in the back of their car.

Two months later, I tried to use the bus ticket toward another trip to Chicago. I missed the bus again.

Just ridiculous.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Bess July 30, 2010 at 9:49 am

Even though I had a strong feeling, the trip to Chicago was impossible from Part I, I loved reading the payoff.

Did you at least manage to leave with all the clothes and accessories from the night before?


2 Lauren July 30, 2010 at 10:15 am

Which part is more redic….you THINKING you were going to make the first bus, or when you missed the bus a SECOND time? Anyway….let’s see if you get an invite to my holiday party next year…haha! But seriously…ridiculous :-)


3 Trinidad Pena July 30, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Ha! I love these! I can’t imagine seeing someone get hit by a bus. Be glad you weren’t there!


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: