The WTF Weekend

by Rachel on August 22, 2010

OK I’m back! I needed to spin and sweat for a good half-hour to try to shake everything that went wrong this weekend out of my system.

I generally consider myself the luckiest person I know. Things are always going my way and turning out even better than I expected. Eric considers himself pretty unlucky and is sometimes reminiscent of Eeyore. My good attitude usually wins out, but this weekend, his vibes totally beat mine. By a lot.

I’m not sure how things got so Debbie. We had a good date night, and Eric woke up Saturday morning and went for a long bike ride with his triathlon club while I started doing blog stuff (the new Top Posts page — check itttt). I somehow forgot my camera cord, which was annoying, but not “Holy shit, this day is about to fall apart” worthy. When he got home, we lounged, did laundry, and finished the second season of “Californication.” All good. Then we had lunch at Sweet Tomatoes; also fine.

The trouble started when Eric convinced me to go along on some errands after lunch. I hate running errands, especially in Houston. It’s always 100 degrees and the traffic is always a bitch; it’s just not my favorite thing to do. And then shit unraveled.

  • We went to get his oil changed. The oil change place was closed.
  • We went back to his apartment to get my car, and I followed him to a mechanic, where he could have the oil changed and leave his car to have some minor engine work done as well. They were really busy and trying to overcharge him.
  • We left my car there and headed to JoAnn’s to get supplies for a toga-themed party we’re attending next weekend. The JoAnn’s we found sucked, and we had to settle for somewhat boring fabric, and we’ll still have to go to Hobby Lobby or Micheal’s for accessories.
  • Then we got lost.
  • Then we got stuck in mall traffic — and it was tax-free weekend, so the mall traffic was bad.
  • Then we got lost again.

In the car at this point, Eric said, “This is going so badly, I know it’s one of those days where you just need to give up. The universe is saying, ‘Just call it a day. You can’t win today. Just go home and stay there.'”

So we knew…but we didn’t listen.

After cooling off for a little while at his apartment, we decided to have dinner and rent a movie. I was in the mood for thin crust margherita pizza, so we decided to get takeout. Even though it was still 95 degrees, I thought it might turn into a good, relaxing evening at home.

  • We went to Blockbuster first; they didn’t have “Waiting for Guffman,” which we had planned to watch. (We ended up getting “Date Night,” which is, oddly enough, about a couple who has a pretty bad date. I’m starting to wonder if we accidentally took someone’s restaurant reservation at some point.)
  • When I called to order the pizza, the number was out of service and we didn’t know where else to call. I wanted restaurant-style pizza, not something like Domino’s. Eric didn’t know of another place, and Google was useless. Neither of us could access the menus of the places we found. Blackberry and iPhone can both suck it.
  • We decided to go to Whole Foods to get a pizza. While we waited, hunger took over, and we ended up picking up an odd collection of items, including popcorn chicken made for children, fruit bars, bananas, bacon, yogurt, and a very large Rice Krispie treat.

The pizza was good, as was the movie — but it wasn’t lost on either of us that neither of them were what they were supposed to be. And the Rice Krispie treat was a total mess; it didn’t taste right at all (damn imitation Rice Krispies) and fell apart into individual Krispies with each bite.

Things turned around when we went to bed. After a good ending to the night and an even better wake-up call, I think we both let my optimism take over and we both believed today would be better. But thinking sex could turn this weekend around was like trying to put a Band-Aid over a bullet hole.

  • We started the day by making pancakes. That’s a whole other story, but suffice to say: DISASTER.
  • After lounging for a bit, we headed to the farmers market. I had gone to one last Saturday on Richmond; this week, we decided to visit the one at Discovery Green. I said we should stop and get cash but we sort of forgot/didn’t see a bank until we were down town. We drove around for 30 minutes in the 102 degree heat looking for a Chase. I actually looked on foot for a while because we were at the actual Chase Tower in downtown Houston, and with four skyscrapers owned by Chase, you’d think one would have a bank branch/ATM in it. You’d think.
  • Eventually we found a CVS so I got cash back there and then we headed to Discovery Green. We got a great parking spot — and then a cabbie almost stole it. It’s a good thing he started backing out, because I’m pretty sure there would have been a beating otherwise. I. Was. Over. It.
  • We go to the farmers market…and it’s seriously like…four vendors. One meat stand, one vegetable stand. No bread, no cheese, no eggs, no fun!
  • Due to the heat, we left immediately. And immediately got lost again.

Again, we both agreed that we should just go home and not leave again. Clearly, this was not our day. But did we? Of course not…

By the time we got back near Eric’s apartment, we were both pretty hungry, but entirely lacking an appetite. We went through food options (so, so cranky at this point) and decided we could work with what was at his apartment, but we needed a few additions, like fruit. Eric said he didn’t have the patience to drive all the way to Target and said we should just go to Wal-Mart.

To me, going to Wal-Mart on the best day of your life is a bad idea. But when things are already bad? Come on. That was asking for it.

We got into the parking lot, and, as you might expect, it was a circus. We had been crawling along, looking for a spot, and I pointed out that in that amount of time, we could have been to Target. At that moment, we came upon a man shouting. I thought maybe he was a parking lot preacher or something, because his arm was in the air and he was that fervent. But he was not wielding a Holy Bible; he was wielding a shoe. His children sat in the backseat of his van, and the rear hatch was open. He was screaming as a way of peddling Air Jordans out of the back of his van in a packed Wal-Mart parking lot.

Before I could even really say anything, Eric said, “Fuck it. We’re going to Target.”

Normally Target is the happiest place on earth, but at this point, we were to wary to believe we could get in and out without any major issues. If we had had a flat tire and a pregnancy scare in the four minutes it had taken to get there, it wouldn’t have surprised me. Fortunately, we were OK and were able to eat our thrown-together lunch (chips and guac, pizza, and watermelon? I don’t know why I wanted that either) relatively unscathed.

At that point, we finally accepted that we could not try to run any errands for the rest of the day. I read Cosmo (vagina bedazzling — yay or nay?) and he watched “Ghandi” (yes, I just re-read that sentence too) and we pondered how things went so badly this weekend. And after the whole smoke detector debacle, I have to wonder what the F happened to my good luck.

I mean, I’m a positive thinker, but right now, I’m just positive someone has made a voodoo doll of me.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Bess August 22, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Okay, can’t decide which is my favorite sentence:

“But thinking sex could turn this weekend around was like trying to put a Band-Aid over a bullet hole.”


I read Cosmo (vagina bedazzling — yay or nay?) and he watched “Ghandi” (yes, I just re-read that sentence too)


2 Dori August 22, 2010 at 9:19 pm

Nay on the vag bedazzle


3 Eric August 22, 2010 at 9:25 pm

I don’t know why I even read that…just reliving this weekend made me want to cry


4 Taylor August 22, 2010 at 9:31 pm

Look, Joanns blows here. Tomorrow you should go visit High Fashion on Elgin. Also check out High Fashion Home. I’m a Houstonian who has lived here my whole life. I know all the secrets of HoTex. There is a colinas that has good Italian, westheimer near chimney rock-ish…Are you ordering from Star or Pinks Pizza? Worth it!!

On a side note, if you have streaming Netflix, waiting for guffman is now available, I literally just watched it!


5 Rachel August 22, 2010 at 9:34 pm

Taylor — Thanks for all the tips!! We were actually in the ‘burbs last night but I will most DEFINITELY check out the places you recommended because that’s very near my apartment. I need all the tips I can get!!

Don’t have streaming Netflix — YET. But I do own Waiting for Guffman, I just didn’t bring it with me…so again, the problem of being out in the damn suburbs!


6 Summer August 22, 2010 at 11:11 pm

Boooo…that sucks :( I hate the Wal-Marts, too—imagine what they are like in Alabama. Redneck paradise.


7 Michelle @ Give Me the Almond Butter August 22, 2010 at 11:16 pm

Vag bedazzling might scare some people…including myself. I say bedazzle your underwear if you get the urge.


8 MelissaNibbles August 23, 2010 at 6:47 am

Oh worst. I’m sorry girl! Please don’t bedazzle your vag.


9 Caitlin August 23, 2010 at 9:14 am

Oh dear LORD I hope I am not rubbing off on you. I feel like every time I have a day off and try to get things accomplished I have a day like this. It usually involves me screaming in my car, looking to the sky several times asking, “WHY?!?!”

As if driving around Texas in the flipping jungle heat sweating every moment of your day isn’t bad enough…


10 Taylor August 23, 2010 at 2:58 pm

I think you will love High Fashion and High Fashion Home. Those stores make me want to glue-gun things together, but that usually ends up kinda ugly, and very crusty.

That market at Discovery Green *just* got started, Urban Harvest is going to rock it out in a few weeks when they get more vendors. Have you been to the free classes they offer there? Very nice. Well, maybe not in August, but in October…

Thursday afternoons at CityCentre (a jaunt down to my neighborhood!) there is a farmers’ market too. FYI the country’s greatest Anthropologie is there too, and Flora & Muse which is set to open next month. It’s going to be a super cute. Concept: a coffee/patiserie/flower shop. Also, my favorite bar the Monnalisa at Hotel Sorella. Obsessed with CityCentre.

I hope you are having fun here. I know it is hot as balls and the traffic is shit, but you kinda get used to it.

Wait, why am I tell you this? You can read about where to eat and shop for food in Houston on SideDish:


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