Eric and I haven’t road tripped since the two-day trip to get my ass down here — but here’s how our second little jaunt went!
Zero further discussion of college football.
Six hundred and thirty miles in two days. Five hours each way. Twenty minutes from Mexico.
Five minutes of entertainment from reading 17 Facts About Bacon.
Endless discussion on this list of paraphilias. Thirty minutes reading interesting sex facts. 28 mph — how fast sperm travels on its way to the goal.
Ten minutes gushing about our previously unknown shared love for The Fratellis.
One $85 hotel room. Thirty minutes of “I haven’t seen you in four days, three of which I was pissed off” sex.
Twenty minutes to try to fix my JBF hair before the wedding. Sixty minutes wasted on that morning’s blowout.
Ten bridesmaids. Ten groomsmen. Nine groomsmen who made it through the ceremony without passing out.
Less than one black person in attendance. (Well, OK, we’ll round up in this case and say one.)
One guest whose short red dress left everyone in attendance saying, “I’m glad I’m not That Girl.”
Six mosquito bites from the outdoor reception.
Zero dancing (we know our strengths).
Four and a half pieces of cake shared between the two of us. Two sugar comas that led to no post-wedding hotel room sex.
A thousand Subways encountered. Four attempts to go to Subway. Two scary Subways. Two actual trips to Subway. Thirty inches of Subway shared between us.
Zero trips to McDonald’s!
One more day in the three-day weekend — hope everyone’s having a great one!