The Wedding Weekend by the Numbers

by Rachel on September 5, 2010

Eric and I haven’t road tripped since the two-day trip to get my ass down here but here’s how our second little jaunt went!

Zero further discussion of college football.

Six hundred and thirty miles in two days. Five hours each way. Twenty minutes from Mexico.

Five minutes of entertainment from reading 17 Facts About Bacon.

Endless discussion on this list of paraphilias. Thirty minutes reading interesting sex facts. 28 mph — how fast sperm travels on its way to the goal.

Ten minutes gushing about our previously unknown shared love for The Fratellis.

One $85 hotel room. Thirty minutes of “I haven’t seen you in four days, three of which I was pissed off” sex.

Twenty minutes to try to fix my JBF hair before the wedding. Sixty minutes wasted on that morning’s blowout.

Ten bridesmaids. Ten groomsmen. Nine groomsmen who made it through the ceremony without passing out.

Less than one black person in attendance. (Well, OK, we’ll round up in this case and say one.)

One guest whose short red dress left everyone in attendance saying, “I’m glad I’m not That Girl.”

Six mosquito bites from the outdoor reception.

Zero dancing (we know our strengths).

Four and a half pieces of cake shared between the two of us. Two sugar comas that led to no post-wedding hotel room sex.

A thousand Subways encountered. Four attempts to go to Subway. Two scary Subways. Two actual trips to Subway. Thirty inches of Subway shared between us.

Zero trips to McDonald’s!

One more day in the three-day weekend — hope everyone’s having a great one!

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Rachel's Mom September 5, 2010 at 9:02 pm

Hopefully you brought back ZERO bedbugs!
A groomsman passed out during the ceremony? Poor guy! Did it cause a big commotion?

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2 Rachel September 5, 2010 at 9:38 pm

Yeah, it DIDN’T cause a big commotion. For the first few seconds, I was the only one who apparently noticed. I was like DYING because I thought it was going to be this huge dramatic thing, but it totally wasn’t. People didn’t notice until like two minutes after it happened.

Apparently the whole thing is “Don’t lock your knees.”

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3 Michelle @ Give Me the Almond Butter September 5, 2010 at 9:18 pm

I swear there is always one groomsman (or heck, even a groom!) that passes out during a wedding. My 10th grade English teacher passed out during his buddy’s wedding, my boss barely made it to his wedding because of a horrible hangover, and another groomsman passed out at a wedding my dad attended this summer. hahahhaa.

Love the waffle by the way.

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4 Rachel September 5, 2010 at 9:39 pm

Your boss sounds awesome.

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5 Kendall September 6, 2010 at 11:37 am

If any groomsmen pass out the day I get married (also known as the “day we don’t speak of” according to my boyfriend), I will probably die of laughter on the alter.

My favorite bridal gift will also be a Texas-shaped waffle maker. I don’t care if someone has to call Holiday Inn Express to figure out where to get one, it just better be in my hands on the day of my wedding.

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6 Rachel September 9, 2010 at 10:07 pm

haha the waffle maker was at Country Inn and Suites, but I’m also pretty sure you can get them other places! I actually saw one at Buc-ee’s later that day!

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7 Aj September 6, 2010 at 1:48 pm

I was at a wedding where a groomsman nearly didn’t show up…he was arrested and put in jail after the rehearsal dinner. Gotta keep those guys under lock and key. And that’s why I’m not marrying one! :)

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8 MelissaNibbles September 6, 2010 at 2:55 pm

The post-wedding sex wouldn’t have lived up to the pissed off sex from earlier anyway.

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9 Robyn September 6, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Love this. Too funny — and I’m so glad you’re classy enough to not be That Girl. P.s. Can I have your waffle? I’m really hungry right now . . . Wanna ship it to me in California? I think Dominoes delivers in under 30 minutes — maybe they could hitch it over here?

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10 Secondhand Smash September 6, 2010 at 7:15 pm

I love these number posts. :)

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