Dear Everyone Who Didn’t Just Move to Texas,
I was going to ask what you’re doing this weekend, but I actually don’t need to. I know what you’re doing.
You’re drinking a pumpkin latte.
No, no, you’re right! I didn’t hear you the first time. Tell me again, please!
Tell me until it’s trending on Twitter, because I totally forgot what happens at Starbucks this time of year. They use a seasonal flavor! OMFGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE.
I get it.
Fall is here.
I mean, it’s there.
Where you are.
And you’re drinking a pumpkin latte.
I know…there’s a chill in the air. You had to put on a sweatshirt. There was frost on your car this morning!
It was 90 degrees when I left my apartment this morning and the humidity punched me in the face.
Sort of like I want to punch everyone who “Just remembered that Starbucks has pumpkin lattes again!” in the face.
But you know what? It’s fine. You can spend your Saturday morning sipping on 200 calories of pure sugar.
And come November, when I start tweeting, “God, even if I weren’t half-black, I’d still be rocking a great tan right now!” and twit-picing the palm trees that line the street next to my Starbucks — you don’t get to complain.
On another, less bitter note, I made a ton of pumpkin recipes last fall, when I was living in the great Midwest, and since everyone seems to be so hot and bothered for pumpkin right now, I thought I’d share.
Put on your fall boots and turn on the oven. I’m going to put on my cowboy boots and turn away as though I don’t care.