We all know that looking great means dressing for your body. And if you’re confused about how to dress your body, the women’s magazines are here to help!
I have a stack of new magazines piled almost as tall as the lamp on my bedside table, and each issue offers me advice.
OK. We get it.
And in nearly every issue, the body types are the same.
I’m so OVER IT.
There are just so many things wrong with these articles and body descriptions. First, they include a few people and leave out so many others. What if you are petite and pear-shaped? What if you’re tall with an hourglass figure?
You obviously cannot dress these bodies. Go to work naked, friends.
And then there are the words themselves.
boyish (adj.): naturally skinny women of whom we are jealous. We cannot handle the fact their DNA shaved a few inches off their hips, so we just de-womanize them.
“Boyish” women are always instructed to add ruffles to give the appearance of curves. I guess you better add ruffles…and lots of pink…to give the appearance of a vag! Otherwise, people might think you’re a dude. Because, you know, curves are what make a woman, well, a woman.
curvy (adj.): 1. the politically correct way to say “fat.” 2. referring to a celebrity, it means, “less anorexic-looking than Nicole Richie back in the day.”
Both these words will frequently appear in the hundreds of “What men really think of your naked bod!” articles.
“I don’t want a boyish chick! I want a curvy girl with some meat on her bones.”
“Boyish” is just rude. And “curvy” makes me crazy.
That word gets tossed around to describe so many women. Celebrities are rather fond of calling themselves curvy. Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Simpson, Jessica Biel, Beyonce, Eva Mendes, America Ferrera, Christina Hendricks, January Jones, and Jennifer Lopez have all been called — or called themselves — curvy.
So you’re reading the cover story, reading about these “real women” who call themselves curvy simply because they don’t embody heroin chic and yeah, there will probably always be someone thinner out there — but they are all still incredibly thin, fit women. When their waists go in, they go in to flat, perfect abs. Where they bulge out, they bulge out with huge, perfect boobs, and hips not more than 30 inches. Yes, they have curves…packed onto teeny, fat-less frames.
But then you flip a few pages, and you’ve got “curvy” meaning “plus-sized.” Many of these curvy bodies are actually overweight. So you’ve a towering glamazon of beauty who is likely underweight for her height on the cover claiming to be “normal” and “curvy” and then you’ve got the random makeover subjects being called “curvy” — and there’s a huge difference between the bodies.
A “curvy” celeb might be 5’7 and 118 pounds, while a “curvy” normal woman might be 5’2 and 218.
And technically, aren’t our boyish and pear-shaped friends curvy too? If you have boobs — even small ones — or junk in your trunk — but less up top — aren’t you curvy as well?
Maybe “curvy” is just a word that lets every woman like her body.
I like my body but I don’t use the word curvy, simply because I think it’s played out and meaningless.
I prefer “ripe” or “juicy” to describe my body.
So I’m wondering, whether for fashion’s sake or for your own sake, what adjectives do you use to describe your body? Do you use the classic but annoying fashion magazine terms? Or do you go against the grain and describe it another way completely?
I’d love to hear what you all think about this!