If you are the type to frequently place orders on Amazon, so frequently, in fact, that they have all your mailing info stored…then I beg you, please, remember to update your preferred mailing address when you place your first order after your cross-country move.
Otherwise, certain books will be sent to your family’s home in Michigan.
You know, the worst part of this was not the fact that, after I was like, “What the hell, two-day shipping?!” and tracked the package, I had to call my mom and casually ask if anything had come in the mail for me and casually tell her five times not to open it, but please just toss it straight in the box with the other things she was sending me.
No, the worst part was that my mother has her hands full as a teacher and, well, a mom, and did not get around to sending the package — which also included the pants I asked her to hem on my birthday in August, that have never been worn and now may be too big and I’m not sure if I’m happy or annoyed — until last week…meaning I have spent the past four weeks thinking, Goddamnit, I know there are like 300 positions just waiting for me to try them and I don’t know what they are!!!! I want my freaking book!!!!
But now that it’s here, the wheels are turning.
Do you think I could go “Julie & Julia” on this book and get it made into my own book/movie?
Or perhaps I should just start working on a sex book of my own, which I shall call What’s Your Favorite Posish? The Clumsy, Often Lazy, but Sometimes Motivated to Put on Heels and Thigh Highs Girl’s Kama Sutra.
(Not reverse cowgirl, not standing up, and nothing in the shower, of course.)
Anyway. That’s my Hump Day Treat.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
HAHAHAHAHA. Love that that book got sent to your mom — and I love that you even ordered that book in the first place. Really, I just love you.
Similar thing happened to me on RueLaLa. I still had my ex’s address and had a pair of expensive jeans sent there! Ugh…
Dori´s last post ..What I’m Doing Wrong
I bought that book about a year and a half ago, but my ex was not all about trying new things so I never really got to take advantage. That should be changing soon. :)
Stina´s last post ..200 Enchilada Spaghetti
HAHAHA @ Julia & Julia
hahaha Can’t be worse than working in the same real estate office as your mum, having her buzz you in another office saying “Help! I’m trying to open some photos on your laptop but can’t figure out how to get to where the office photos are saved”….and walking in to see your mum staring at your laptop….and suddenly realising she’s staring at a bunch of “sexy” thumbnails of you….naked!! My computer opened up at the last directory I’d been in….my personal photo directory. I almost DIED with embarrassment! I laugh so hard when I think about it now (this was only about 6 months ago hahaha). So bad! I feel your pain, Rachel! lol
haha OMG my jaw just dropped reading that! hilarious but so painful!!!
And you know what….I didn’t even say anything!! hahaha I just kinda acted all “yeah whatever” about it and navigated to the correct directory! I didn’t know what else to do. It all happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to think. haha Meanwhile my heart was thumping! Poor mum. You’ve got to love mums though! She didn’t even blink an eye at the photos. Probably because she was just sitting there…staring! lmao Thank God for small thumbnails!
I ♥ you. That is all.
Manon´s last post ..Breaking Manon- GET YOUR ASS BACK ON THAT WAGON!
Awww, the perfect Hump Treat too funny. I would die if my Mom opened my mail to find a book like that, luckily she never opened my mail when I lived at home. I did freak out after sending something like that to my boyfriends apt. His roommate at the time liked to open all the mail w/o reading who it’s addressed too…that was embarrassing!
What a great post! Whether you decide to go through your book a’la Julie & Julia or pen your own, I look forward to you blogging about it! Does that make me a perv? Oh, who cares! LMAO!
Stephanie @ Single in the City´s last post ..Owning it
Love the Julia and Julie idea! I would read the blog/book AND see the movie, maybe even in the theater! You will want to start taking yoga as well. Some of those positions are impossible without stretchy hamstrings… ( i do know that from experience)
haha!
What a fun, refreshing post Rachel (as always!) Nice to read something silly. . . and the best part is that you were able to laugh it off. I’m one of the most awkward people on earth and the only way to get by is laughing at yourself and moving on. Great story hahaa Enjoy the book & happy Hump Day!
Rachel´s last post ..Single Gal’s Fresh Mozzarella & Pesto Pasta
I UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION.
My BFF Sara had an internship at a publishing house that specialized in LGBT erotica. (So many stories! I am jealous.) She gave me a whole bunch of free gay erotica for Christmas that year, which I promptly took back to my college apartment for display/mocking. (One of the books was called “Frat Sex II.” Come on, it was asking for it.) When packing for my cross-country move this summer, I put my sketchy porn in a box separate from the rest of my books. I thought it was safe there. My mother thought differently. She called me to say she was re-packing all my stuff (which we had already done twice during my brief layover in Michigan) and which books did I want? Since it was clear she was going through ALL of my remaining belongings before they went in the moving van, I had to say, “Mom…if you find a book called ‘Frat Sex II’, I’m sorry.”
SO AWKWARD. SO SO SO AWKWARD.
Love all your posts. Guess b/c I love the raunchiness? Is that a word? Our son has found one of The Lover’s Playboys. Awesome!
This is amazing and would totally happen to me. :) Enjoy the book! ;)
LMAO!!! That is classic right here. I am a huge Amazon shopper and have to be careful of not accidently ordering stuff too. However, it will go to my place and not my mom’s house.
amanda´s last post ..Bananas and nuts
LOL! Who’d play you in the movie?
Trinidad Pena´s last post ..Hump Day Hooray- Discounted Galas and Brunches- oh my!
too. freaking. funny. that is all. :)
That is my go-to Bachelorette gift. It is awesome and not weirdly detailed. Like I said, I think you should email cosmo and tell them YOU want to write their 77 sex positions in 77 days column.
I rarely get my address wrong but I ALWAYS screw up the zip code. Apparently Michigan’s zipcodes do not work in Austin. Who would have thought?
LOL! So funny that you had it sent to your family’s home. Seriously something I would have done.
I fully endorse the Julie & Julia idea! :)
Eh…..she was just afraid that if I opened it, I might have kept it.
LOL. I love it!! I would totally have my mom open it just to embarrass her.
Lol. I don’t really like to try new positions. Is that weird? In fact, I remember it used to annoy me that my man always wanted to try different things mid-uh-stroke. :p
My mom would laugh her butt off at that book.
Jasmine @ Eat Move Write´s last post ..This is What It Looks Like- A Story Part I
oh PLEASE do go ‘Julia & Julia’…. ! While it won’t be possible for me to read you any more often than I already do, I promise to read with even more enthusiasm! :)
Eli´s last post ..MADE for my brain
HILARIOUS! So I take it your mom didn’t open the package and see the book? I would be pretty mortified! hehe!
Brittney´s last post ..To Eat Meat Or To Not Eat Meat
Ha! This reminds me of when my mom was borrowing my older sister’s suitcase and found a vibrator. Awkward!
Libby´s last post ..I Have Been Out of Commission
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