Here’s a question, SAT kids! Publicity stunts are to Spencer and Heidi like…
a. Black guys are to Kim Kardashian.
b. Jersey Shore is to you.
c. Halloween and tequila is to Rachel Wilkerson.
d. All of the above.
Any girl worth her Kaplan prep course can tell you that it’s D — we all have a weakness, and even if it’s sometimes a bit of a train wreck, it’s just what we’ve come to know and expect. I love tequila any night of the year, but on Halloween? The way I see it, tequila is pretty much guaranteed to make me get naked — so why not go for it when I’m already 80 percent naked?
The ipod costume I wore a few years ago? Has seen some shit. And some Cuervo.
I have absolutely no intention of stopping this tradition, but now that I’m out of college and an “adult,” I think I have to stop taking tequila shots alone in public. Therefore, I had to find a socially acceptable way to get my fix, and really, a pumpkin margarita is the perfect way to do it. As you sip on it in public, everyone will think you’re a classy lady, but a few drinks later, when you have an irresistible urge to hike up your costume and have sex in a stairwell, you’ll know you stayed true to yourself and to the magic of Halloween!
You can make it for your pumpkin-carving gathering tonight, your party this weekend, or just for a fall date night with your S.O. I chose the latter. The thing is, I felt like I Eric needed to be initiated into one of my tequila nights. I mean, he knows about all the other tequila nights and he’s so supportive of my book and openness of my past, um, indiscretions, I thought it was only fair that he is at least able to experience it firsthand.
I used this recipe (which seems fine at first, but then you realize is horribly written and makes it very easy to mess this up) — here’s my version.
Start by making a pumpkin simple syrup: combine 1 can of pumpkin, 3/4 cup brown sugar, 2 cups water, and one cinnamon stick.
Cook over low heat for 20-30 minutes, until the sugar is dissolved and the cinnamon smell is present throughout.
Let the pumpkin mixture cool for as long as possible. Meanwhile, combine 1/4 cup brown sugar, 1 tsp allspice, and 1 tsp salt on a plate. This is for your rim job.
If you’re using glasses, run a lime wedge around the rim and then dip them in the sugar mixture to get them nice and coated. (If you’re using adorable Halloween glasses that you got on sale at Michael’s for $1 but that are actually plastic, don’t bother — it won’t stick.)
Push the pumpkin mixture through a fine mesh strainer until just the liquid remains. I recommend handing it off to someone else at this point. You’re the hostess, after all, not the bartender, and this step is a little messy.
I mean, you want to get sloppy, but not just yet.
Before you start slurring your words, make a hot fall dinner: turkey burgers topped with the perfect spicy-and-sweet cranberry habanero jelly, plus green beans and potato wedges.
Make two margaritas: combine 4 ounces pumpkin mixture, the juice of one lime, 3 ounces of tequila, 2 ounces of triple sec, and shake it all up. Then serve on the rocks and prepare to get your rocks off.
Chug when no one is watching. Dance on a table like you’ve never fallen off.
I loved this whole dinner! And I also feel like now that Eric has experienced tequila’s effect on me, we’ve been able to bond on a much deeper level.
It feels good to be an adult, you know?