[This was one of my first posts as The Spartanette and I thought that Election Day would be a good time to share it here.]
After doing a lot of soul-searching, I have come to a realization about myself. I fought it for a long time. I tried to ignore it, tried to pretend it was just a phase. But it’s been with me since I was 16. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, but I’ve decided that I no longer want to live in shame. I know I am going to take a lot of heat for this, but it’s time to stop living a lie.
I’m a good liberal girl.
But…I love Republicans.
I’ve owned it — my “type” is tall, dark, and right wing.
And I don’t go for the moderate Republicans. No “economically but not socially” or “my parents were” or “I guess I am technically Republican” Republicans. I go for the “I want to run for Senate someday and gee, Bill O’Reilly is a genius” Republicans.
How am I attracted to people whose political views stand in such clear opposition to my own? I don’t know. I just happen like guys who are incredibly ambitious, and these type-A men just happen to love Dubya. And honestly, there’s just something sort of sweet and vulnerable about a man who is…wrong. It makes me want to take care of him.
And Republican guys seem to like me too. I have no idea why. Maybe they want to pull a Strom Thurmond with me, or maybe they like me for the same reasons I like them. They want to save me from myself. They think it’s cute that I care. “Awww…you and your civil liberties! Thinking women should have equal pay! Oh, come here, you silly tree-hugging girl!”
On the other hand, Democrat guys infuriate me. All the liberal men I know are just hippies who hate the world and smoke a lot of weed. I dig their lax views on sexuality, but not much else. They’re too lazy and unmotivated to actually vote or do anything remotely political. They are too busy playing with their Macs to play with me. And they definitely aren’t taking me out for a nice dinner anytime soon. The most anyone can hope for from these guys is herbal tea from a vegan café and a scratched-up chin from their beard.
So I vote Democrats and fall in love with Republicans. My love life may be the only thing in this country that is truly bipartisan. There is nothing more romantic than a love that knows no political boundaries.
It’s not a love without peril. He says, “Talk dirty to me.” I say, “There was no evidence of WMDs in Iraq.”
I know that given my track record, I run the risk of giving birth to half-Republican babies. Quarter-black, half-Republican, and very, very conflicted come Election Day.
But I’ll risk it. Because it’s better than getting involved with a hippie, because banter is way hot, and because when it comes right down to it…Red vs. Blue just doesn’t seem to matter anymore when I find that one special guy who makes my big, bleeding heart beat a little faster.
[As you go to the polls today, just remember — it’s OK to bang Republicans, but it’s not OK to live in a country run by them. And if you share my affection for the GOP, just remember that you’re really better off if they lose today. If they do, just head to a bar tonight in a conservative part of town — those boys are going to be on a mission to hate fuck.]