Owning It: I’d Fuck a Republican — I Just Wouldn’t Vote for One

by Rachel on November 2, 2010

[This was one of my first posts as The Spartanette and I thought that Election Day would be a good time to share it here.]

After doing a lot of soul-searching, I have come to a realization about myself. I fought it for a long time. I tried to ignore it, tried to pretend it was just a phase. But it’s been with me since I was 16. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, but I’ve decided that I no longer want to live in shame. I know I am going to take a lot of heat for this, but it’s time to stop living a lie.

I’m a good liberal girl.

But…I love Republicans.

Sorry I’m not sorry.

I’ve owned it — my “type” is tall, dark, and right wing.

And I don’t go for the moderate Republicans. No “economically but not socially” or “my parents were” or “I guess I am technically Republican” Republicans. I go for the “I want to run for Senate someday and gee, Bill O’Reilly is a genius” Republicans.

How am I attracted to people whose political views stand in such clear opposition to my own? I don’t know. I just happen like guys who are incredibly ambitious, and these type-A men just happen to love Dubya. And honestly, there’s just something sort of sweet and vulnerable about a man who is…wrong. It makes me want to take care of him.

And Republican guys seem to like me too. I have no idea why. Maybe they want to pull a Strom Thurmond with me, or maybe they like me for the same reasons I like them. They want to save me from myself. They think it’s cute that I care. “Awww…you and your civil liberties! Thinking women should have equal pay! Oh, come here, you silly tree-hugging girl!”

On the other hand, Democrat guys infuriate me. All the liberal men I know are just hippies who hate the world and smoke a lot of weed. I dig their lax views on sexuality, but not much else. They’re too lazy and unmotivated to actually vote or do anything remotely political. They are too busy playing with their Macs to play with me. And they definitely aren’t taking me out for a nice dinner anytime soon. The most anyone can hope for from these guys is herbal tea from a vegan café and a scratched-up chin from their beard.

So I vote Democrats and fall in love with Republicans. My love life may be the only thing in this country that is truly bipartisan. There is nothing more romantic than a love that knows no political boundaries.

It’s not a love without peril. He says, “Talk dirty to me.” I say, “There was no evidence of WMDs in Iraq.”

I know that given my track record, I run the risk of giving birth to half-Republican babies.  Quarter-black, half-Republican, and very, very conflicted come Election Day.

But I’ll risk it. Because it’s better than getting involved with a hippie, because banter is way hot, and because when it comes right down to it…Red vs. Blue just doesn’t seem to matter anymore when I find that one special guy who makes my big, bleeding heart beat a little faster.

[As you go to the polls today, just remember — it’s OK to bang Republicans, but it’s not OK to live in a country run by them. And if you share my affection for the GOP, just remember that you’re really better off if they lose today. If they do, just head to a bar tonight in a conservative part of town — those boys are going to be on a mission to hate fuck.]

{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Devon November 2, 2010 at 8:31 am

Mmm….. Republican boys do it for me too.

Everyone always thinks Brandon and I are Republicans. Why? We live in a VERY conservative area. We’re young, white, well dressed, college educated, and do fairly well for ourselves. Apparently that translates to Republican in North Florida. *shrugs*

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2 Robyn November 2, 2010 at 10:34 am

I totally get this — I went to college in Fresno, CA. California, while a fairly liberal state, has a HIGH concentration of die-hard, big-R Republicans who are mostly found in the Central Valley where Fresno is.

A white girl, a Christian, a college degree and someone who dressed fairly well for a broke 21-year-old (no stains on my Target khakis, man!) — but about as liberal as one could be. I was also dating a right wing Republican at the time (hey, in Fresno, it was slim pickin’s). Alas, that ended and now I’m dating a moderate-yet-probably-slightly-liberal-in-a-semi-Libertarian-way Decline to State voter and I couldn’t be happier. He’s not totally on my side about everything (or at least not as far on my side about everything), but he makes my socks roll up and down. :)

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3 Anne Bender November 2, 2010 at 8:41 am

My step-dad gave a pollster a few choice, well-spoken words the other day about why he would never vote Republican. I imagine this guy [the pollster] later told friends and family all about this and so on and so forth and change is a-happening. It’s a nice thought that keeps me a little warmer at night. Guess my step-dad is one of the rare worker-Democrats with a mind, but has been known to “get a little high with his friends” back in the day. Now, off to do my part and have my say in this great big political machine.

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4 Kristine November 2, 2010 at 8:48 am

awww no! I love you, but i’m a republican, so I must say I disagree! Look at the facts, not at what the media is telling you. You might be surprised. Sorry i’m not sorry. :) :)

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5 Carolyn @ Lovin' Losing November 2, 2010 at 8:48 am

Too funny! I did a little research on the Congressional candidates in my area and am completely confused. I am about as moderate as they come and there’s never a candidate for me. I need a candidate who supports women’s rights and gay marriage, but opposes cutting defense spending and losing me my job. :/

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6 Di November 2, 2010 at 9:21 am

This is exactly how I feel.

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7 Nicole November 2, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Same here…I’ve been laid off 3 times in the past 2 years (Thank GOD I’m finally steadily employed again) so I’ve been especially frustrated with the way things have been going with our economy. However, I don’t care if my neighbors are gay, I obviously support women’s rights, and I do believe we need to continue defense spending (I have a gay nephew and a nephew in the Marines..go figure)

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8 marie November 2, 2010 at 9:03 am

funny, I am marrying the opposite! I’m a hardcore Republican and he’s about as liberal as they come. Opposites attract I guess. Although my father isn’t too pleased about it- he’s convinced “we’ll get him over to our side” All’s fair in love and politics I guess!

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9 Annoy3d November 2, 2010 at 9:08 am

Stick to talking about food. Or exercise. There’s a reason why your blog is not a political one.

This has nothing to do with your political leanings, it’s just that no one follows your blog to read about this crap. Keep alienating people with your crass, media-driven topics and there will be no one left but your little ‘holl(er)-back’ minions.

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10 Melanie November 2, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Sounds like someone needs to reread this post: http://www.hollabackhealth.com/2010/10/stop-hate-following/

I have no doubt that Rachel has followers on both sides of the aisle who enjoy this post. Or who could at least express their objection to it in a respectful way.

Remember to vote!

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11 Rachel November 2, 2010 at 3:47 pm

How DARE you say my blog isn’t a political one?! This post was my application essay for a position at The New York Times!

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12 Manon November 2, 2010 at 5:03 pm

I love how haters are always “anonymous”. Obviously you must REALLY believe you have valid opinions and thoughts when you can’t even put your NAME behind it.

LLOL at this nonsense.

The beauty about opinions is that we all have one, which we are all entitled to, and disagreeing makes for great conversations and allows us to take a look from other points of views we wouldn’t otherwise be exposed to, when it’s done with some respect and tact. Otherwise you just come off looking like a bitter, ignorant, hater. Hopefully next time you want to voice that you disagree with someone’s view you’ll consider going the ‘respect and tact’ route–I think it’s pretty safe to say people will be a hell of a lot more willing to listen.

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13 Kristin November 2, 2010 at 5:05 pm

I’m an educated Republican (though not as strict as the dudes Rachel likes to bone) and I loved this post. Will I still read this blog daily even though we don’t agree politically? Um, yes.

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14 Rachel November 2, 2010 at 5:21 pm

Whyy thank you, Kristen!

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15 Annabelle November 2, 2010 at 7:21 pm

And here I thought this blog was titled “The Life and Lessons of Rachel Wilkerson”, and that politics are a part of life, and that it’s her own damn blog and she can post whatever she wants. Guess I was wrong. Silly me!

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16 Emma November 13, 2010 at 12:06 pm

I find it difficult to believe that it has nothing to do with her political leanings, as political or not, this is a very classic Rachel post. And why are you hating on the HollAback Girls??

I came back to read the comments after today’s post, and think it’s really cool that everyone (else) was able to enjoy the spirit and fun of the post, regardless of their political leanings. I also think it’s a great post; I also liked the other very short post about the importance of voting, regardless of who it is for; I couldn’t agree with that sentiment more. I’ve always been bugged by the trend of describing your political views as ‘apathetic’ on facebook; what do you mean you don’t care how the country is run?? Do you even know what that means??

ANYway, thanks for the post, Rachel, and you feel free to come outta that kitchen whenever you want – hell, even Betty banged a government man to get what she wanted (no dam and no Don). You’re still a domestic goddess, even with other (gasp! – political) thoughts in your head and on your blog!

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17 Leah @ L4L November 2, 2010 at 9:22 am

This is hilarious to me. My roomie in college was a tree-hugging-pot-smoking-philosophy-loving-liberal and ended up marrying a guy in the Air Force who is very Republican. It makes me LOL when I think about it.

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18 Di November 2, 2010 at 9:24 am

I think this was the perfect time to share this post.

I’m always a mess on Election Day and spend the entire work day re-researching everything I’d already looked at so I can go vote when I’m done here. It’s just like a multiple choice test for me. I think I know the answer and then I second guess myself. Sometimes I stick with my original answer, but sometimes I change it. Sometimes I’m right, sometimes I completely fucked myself over. I can’t wait ’til today is over.

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19 Mel November 2, 2010 at 10:49 am

Ahh haha same for me!

I’m so ready for the awful campaign attack commercials to be over. It’s hard to really find out every truth about candidates with them defending former foibles in every interview.

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20 AR November 2, 2010 at 9:26 am

“The most anyone can hope for from these guys is herbal tea from a vegan café and a scratched-up chin from their beard.”

AH AH AH AHA HA HA HA

It’s funny because hipsters suck.

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21 Tenecia November 2, 2010 at 10:45 am

“And honestly, there’s just something sort of sweet and vulnerable about a man who is…wrong. It makes me want to take care of him.”

FRICKIN’ HILARIOUS!!!!

T.

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22 Jessica November 3, 2010 at 8:18 am

Yup, this was my favorite part, too.

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23 Gracie November 2, 2010 at 11:02 am

I am a Republican, and I love this post.

Oh, and Annoyed (sorry…Annoy3d) – speak for yourself please. It’s posts like this that are exactly why I follow Rachel.

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24 Caroline November 2, 2010 at 11:07 am

I mean .. I totally disagree politically (sorry I’m not sorry tehe) but this post made me and my super conservative boyfriend laugh!

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25 Rachel November 2, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Good! Honestly, I have so many conservative friends and it amazes people but I think that it’s because when it comes down to it, I just like to hang out with people who don’t take anything too seriously!!

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26 Veronica November 2, 2010 at 12:11 pm

I’m a very liberal Democrat and married a Republican. His family is BEYOND conservative. We’ve been together 11 years, married almost 6 and they have no f’ing clue who I vote for. They would die….like literally. I just try thold back my fits of laughter and/or vomit when his mother talks about how amazing Sarah Palin is. Our poor children are so screwed.

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27 Ramou November 2, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Where in the hell are you finding these buttoned up White Republicans who enjoy ladies of color?

I understand that this is my Black Girl Fear, but I worry that this type of dude would be fulfilling some type of Jezebel fantasy and will demand that I call him Massa. Should I talk this out with my therapist?

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28 Rachel November 2, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Literal LOL. I always worried about that too. My thing is, I think it makes them feel really good to be going after a brown girl. Like, because then no one can accuse them of being racist. They can always shout, “No way! I banged a half-black girl once!!!”

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29 Emily November 2, 2010 at 12:48 pm

AH I find myself afflicted by this too! Republicans tend to have lots of money and dress well and I’m a sucker for clean cut guy wearing Brooks Brothers.

The only caveat–I think feminist guys are hot too.

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30 Retta @ RunRettaRun November 2, 2010 at 1:27 pm

Love this post so damn much! I live in OK where Republicans are abundant. I have screwed one and it was scary. Not the screwing part. The Republican part. :)

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31 Lisa @ I'm an Okie November 4, 2010 at 9:15 am

oh yes, oklahoma is all republican. :) no fun! I found myself a liberal guy–who isn’t a hippie or a pot smoker–although, he does like a beard in the winter!

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32 Elina (Healthy and Sane) November 2, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Hehe, not for me. My husband is not a dirty hippie, takes me out to nice dinners (although I hold up my own… actually make more than him) AND he votes democrat. Yup, he’s a keeper. I guess there are always exceptions ;)
PS – I’m hosting an awesome giveaway for a coffee maker. Check it out if you’re interested! :D

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33 Debbie @ Live from La Quinta November 2, 2010 at 2:10 pm

So funny and perfect for election day.

My problem is that, left winger that I am, I fall for the lefties, too, which is probably the reason I still have to work for a living. It get’s better as they get older though (although mine still has long hair and is voting yes on CA prop 19). Plus, liberals help around the house, love animals, and listen when you talk. And we do go out to nice dinners.

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34 Diane November 2, 2010 at 2:30 pm

I live in D.C., which slightly increases my chances of meeting a Democrat who has his shit together. Sadly, my attempts at bipartisan banging have failed. I’ll be playing “which dude on this Metro car would I bone?” when I see a really cute guy … and then I realize, he’s rocking a side part no left wing dude would ever wear. Republican hair strikes again! And I just can’t.

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35 Jess-The Semi Abnormal Gal November 2, 2010 at 5:19 pm

I LOVE this post…. this must be why I can’t find a good dude as I’m a liberal gal, living in a liberal college town. That move to DC is sounding better all the time!

Rock it Rachel! Maybe you should be the new spokesperson for Rock the Vote? At least you get all the people taking!

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36 Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) November 2, 2010 at 6:43 pm

haha. It’s the whole ‘bad boy’ image.

I have a friend who had the hots for a staunch republican. She married him and now…
GASP!
SHOCK!
HORROR!
She became a republican too- BY OSMOSIS! It’s criminal. Even their spawn can identify every made and model of Mercedes and he’s just 10. It’s so sad. And this girl took me to the Jimmy Carter library in Georgia. Sigh.

I forwarded this to all my family- they will love it. THanks for re-running it!

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37 Briana November 2, 2010 at 7:40 pm

I enjoyed this post. Thoroughly. You make a lot of good points. Being a fan of red, I find myself thinking, hm, could I actually date a republican? No, there would be far too many agreements in our relationship! I need a little debate here and there, like when we fight over which news network to watch or which are cuter, elephants or donkeys. Point being, if we agreed on everything, I’d learn nothing! And having lived in western Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Vermont all my life, I’ve gotten used to Dems asking me out…I know they think I’m neat and interesting too, obviously only for my love of red. And see how this election pans out…if the GOP comes up short, I’ll have a better night, my boyfriend works for a left winger.

So thanks Rachel! Your posts is once again interesting and hilarious, not caring if its about food or exercise. I like your points of view!

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38 Cynthia (It All Changes) November 2, 2010 at 8:25 pm

I’m pretty moderate and married a very conservative man. He calls me a flaming liberal all the time but I love him dearly. I think he’s wrong half the time but he takes good care of me and loves me.

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39 Aj November 2, 2010 at 11:42 pm

Oh jeez oh petes. I know one lesbian (well one lesbian couple…same thing though really) that are Republicans. There’s just too much self-hatred going on to make fucking any fun. I had plenty of that with the self-loathing Jew I dated (before everyone jumps on me…and not in a fun way…I AM Jewish) Plus, my world is already shaking because Republican lesbian pretty much disproves evolution and survival of the fittest, so no need to attempt to rock my world in bed.

In my family – my dad is 9 years younger than my mom, he was raised Italian Catholic, she is Atheist and Jewish, my cousins are all in inter-racial relationships and my parents were thrilled when I came out. Date a Republican? I would be disowned in a heartbeat.

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40 jenna November 3, 2010 at 1:17 am

As a hardcore Republican, I enjoyed this post. Republican men (and women) definitely are sexy!

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41 Brittney November 3, 2010 at 8:39 am

LOL! So funny! I historically dated many Republicans too, but it just got too damn annoying. I found that they tended to be uptight and stubborn in ways I couldn’t deal with. I ended up marrying a liberal guy and the fact that we’re on the same page with our views of the world makes life so much easier. He’s also just so much more relaxed so I think that works better for me since I’m the more type A neurotic one. He calms me down. :)

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42 Misty Jean November 4, 2010 at 1:25 am

I don’t go anywhere near Republicans. Can’t wait to go back to Europe.

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43 Emily November 6, 2010 at 11:31 am

I loved this post! I am a Republican and my boyfriend is a Democrat, we have been together for 8 years and have made it work. During election time everyone breaks out their “views” and it becomes so polarized. We have completely different political views but agree almost exclusively on day to day decisions, even ones that are politically charged. I think everyone is a little more moderate than they think they are.

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44 Shikole September 5, 2011 at 1:27 pm

You’re description of liberal men is so spot on it’s sad. I have fought dating a Republican all of my life, I went to college in DC and now live there. Liberal men are great friends but I get so angry at their lack of motivation when it comes to dating them!

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45 Michelle December 20, 2011 at 8:56 pm

“So I vote Democrats and fall in love with Republicans. My love life may be the only thing in this country that is truly bipartisan. There is nothing more romantic than a love that knows no political boundaries.”
You are so witty! I am democrat myself, and I’m really getting into politics.

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46 Ally November 6, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I LOVE this post!! I seriously laughed my booty cheeks off!

I know a LOT of young liberals that were just easy going, pot heads, with dreads but that was back when I was in college 18 -21. I hang out in liberal circles still to this day & have connected with intelligent liberals who either have a management position or started their own companies… but they are 35+ One guy has a hybrid Lexus – you know for the environment. LOL!

I’m just ended a relationship with a liberal & it was amazing to be with someone that had the same views as I did – always is. I’ve dated a Republican before once & he said some racist comments & I’m interracial so I had to cut him lose. Then you have my daddy the Republican & he just can’t see any point in a man telling a woman what she can do w/her body. I really don’t have a preference just as long as they are tall, talented & totally worship me. :)

It doesn’t matter what party you are registered as – or align with – since members of each party are known to change their opinion on legislation/issues as it comes up.

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