Not too many years or too many pounds ago, I was convinced I just needed to lose weight to get a boyfriend.
I really wish someone had been able to talk some goddamn sense into me.
I know it sounds crazy, but that’s just because you’re hungry and can’t think straight.
Don’t believe me? Seriously, you don’t believe me? Go…anywhere! Go shopping. Go out to dinner. Go to the airport. Go to a sex toy shop. You know what you’ll see? Couples. And you’ll see that in many cases, one half of that couple has lovehandles.
Shocking I know.
Look, I don’t care if you want to lose a few pounds because it will make you feel more attractive, I really don’t. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I truly believe you can have a healthy relationship with your body and still be kinda vain. What I care about is how so many women think they won’t find love until they reach a certain point on the scale. I care when you’re positive that the reason you’re single is because of your weight.
Let me tell you what happens when you use that to motivate you to lose weight. It will, quite often, work. You can do like I did and stop eating every time I was sick of being single (which was kind of a lot) and whenever you want to just give in and put some real food in your stomach, you can tell yourself, “Nope. Can’t. Don’t want to be single!” And you’ll lose a few pounds and you’ll be feeling all sweet at life.
And then you might get to a point where you are the pretty, thin, popular girl…who is still single.
And you’ll take a long, hard look in the mirror and you’ll say, “What the fuck? My hair is awesome, I’m so pretty, and I lost weight, so I look really great in my jeans. Why doesn’t anyone want to date me?”
At which point your reflection will cock her head and say, “Maybe it’s your personality.”
And THAT is not a good feeling.
I’m not saying your personality sucks…I’m saying that your personality matters.
And I’m saying that when you make how you look physically the most important thing about you, the reason someone will want to date you, then you will be let down. When this happened to me, time and again, I was left feeling one of two ways: guys only wanted to date me because I was now, technically, “hot,” (also known as Pimp My Ride Syndrome) or guys still didn’t want to date me, meaning I still wasn’t hot enough — which is pretty dangerous — or I just wasn’t cool enough — which is super depressing.
But maybe it’s just your personality. Maybe it’s the other person’s. Did it ever occur to you that some people are going to see you as a Two, no matter what you weigh? Honestly, that didn’t occur to me for a long time.
Eventually I had my “getting it” moment in which I said, “Fuck that mayonnaise!” and let go of the idea that my relationship status was directly tied to a few extra pounds. I didn’t stop caring about my appearance, I just started working on my head and my ass and really, just all aspects of my life because I finally realized that all those bigger girls who were in relationships? Were maybe onto something.