Lesson #67: Two Things Amazon Doesn’t Tell You About the Kindle

In the month since I received my Kindle, I’ve been putting it to good use.

But I’ve discovered two things that I never would have expected, that Amazon doesn’t tell you.

Of course, I’m going to tell you myself, because that’s what I like to do.

1. You can’t judge a book by its page count. When you are browsing at Barnes and Noble, you may come across a book that looks intriguing. But, after lifting it off the shelf, you’ll realize it weighs as much as a newborn, so you’ll immediately replace it, remembering that you simply do not read books that are more than 300 pages, because you only have time to read so many pages in a year, and you can’t give such a large percentage of those pages to just one book. (Especially, if you’re me, one work of fiction.)

But when you buy a Kindle book on Amazon, you have to actively seek out a book’s page count. If you don’t, you’ll buy a book like The Corrections without even thinking about it, until, after several days of reading, you realize you are only 20 percent done according to the timeline at the bottom, and you think, Hm…how the fuck long is this?

And then you realize you committed yourself to 576 pages with the Lambert family, which is totally is not a bad thing, because I loved the book, but it’s something that I would have liked to know ahead of time. I am now dying to start Freedom, but it’s also 576 pages and I need to mentally prepare myself.

What’s a girl to do when she’s committed herself to 576 pages of fiction? Fill the Kindle with other books for when she wants a break, of course! Because it’s so easy to tote your whole library around, it’s so easy to read a little of one book and then a little of another. I alternated with…The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, Assassination Vacation, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary, Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, and The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the Twenty-first Century. (The last one is not available for Kindle, so I did have to feel so 2009 and actually flip pages.) That’s a lot of pages to cover in one month!

2. No one can judge you by a book’s cover. Amazon, Amazon, Amazon. You’re missing a huge marketing opportunity here! Because the Kindle? Is perfect for perverts, sociopaths, or simply anyone who wants to read a book about suspecting their husband is gay or quitting a terrible job. We’ve all seen those books that we’d love to read, but the title is just too embarrassing to actually purchase in a store or read in the company of other people. Why isn’t Amazon telling people that they can discreetly read trashy romance novels, nerdy sci-fi, or books about how to lose their virginity and get knocked up by an NBA star in six easy steps or and no one will have to know?!

When I had this amazing “getting it” moment and tweeted about it, there was a mixed response. Some people expressed sentiments to the effect of, “DUH! Why else would anyone pay $150 for a piece of technology if it didn’t in some way help with activities you’re ashamed of?” Other people were equally as blown away as I was. My favorite response was someone who congratulated me that I could now buy porn this way. I tweeted back, “Aww…I think it’s cute that you’d think I’m ashamed to be seen buying porn.”

(I don’t buy it, but if I did, I’d own it.)

Actually, the book that made me discover this amazing fact was one book that I’m not so sure I would have wanted to buy in a store, and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be seen reading. This book has the worst, worst, worst title…but let me just tell you, it’s filled with incredibly valuable information. And I’m not just talking about the titillating second half which shows off classics such as “The Basket Weave” and “Ode to Bryan.” I actually loved the first half, which had a ton of really fabulous tips on just having a good relationship. It really made me think about what I bring to a relationship (besides the mad skillz I was now learning in the later chapters) and, basically, how to not act like an asshole. (Although ass-play was covered toward the end.) Some of the tips were the kind of common sense that it’s good to re-hear, and others made me think about things I hadn’t thought of before. With a title like that, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to even keep it in my nightstand, but because I was able to put it in my Kindle, I didn’t have to worry about it.

Thanks, Amazon Kindle!

What’s everyone reading at the moment? I’ve got $20 from my Living Social deal to burn and could use more recommendations. All your suggestions on my last post led to some great reads!