There are few things I enjoy more than feasting with friends, new and old and lays, present and future. But poor food sharing etiquette? Is a dealbreaker.
Rule #26: I know my food looks delicious, but at least let me taste it before you start eyeballing it. How about I eat a few bites, offer some commentary on how it tastes, and then you pretend that you’re just now noticing it for the first time? We both know this is a lie, but it’s the polite thing to do. This at least gives me a chance to offer you a bite. Which I may or may not.
Rule #27: If you want to try a bite of my food and I haven’t offered it yet, you have to ask first. First. You have to ask first. You know, like before you help yourself.
I’d also like to point out that “May I have a fry?” is, in fact, a Yes or No question. That means the answer may be no. I mean, I really love fries. And maybe I didn’t get that many. And maybe I’m really hungry.
More often than not, I don’t eat every thing on my plate, and I’ll offer you more fries than you even wanted. But if you decide that you won’t allow me to feed you my scraps like you’re a stray dog, and that you’re going to just risk it without permission, you may actually find a bloody stump where you were expecting to see that truffle fry.
Rule #28 If you know you’re going to want fries, just order the goddamn fries. If you order a salad because you’re trying to “be good,” but then try to finish off my fries, first of all…I don’t want to go out to eat with you anymore. And second of all…don’t do that! If we agree ahead of time that you really want the pasta, but you’re torn, because you also want fries, and I say, “Well, I’ll get the burger and share my fries with you,” that’s a different story. But if you ordered your burger without a bun and with a side of veggies instead of fries…and then start trying to molest my fries…I’m going to fight you. And I’m going to win, because you’re too weak to fight back due to your stupid diet.
Rule #29: Don’t abuse your food sharing privileges. If I say you can have a bite of my burger, don’t take advantage of my generosity. When it comes to the food I share, “a bite” does not mean “everything you can cram into your mouth at once, leaving me with nothing but a scrap of bun and a tiny corner of cheese.”
Rule #30: When I dip, you dip, we dip — until you get greedy and I’m forced to hate you. Nothing provides me with more anxiety than sharing dip with other people straight from the container. I love dips, but I hate how people get carried away with their dip-to-chip ratio.
Imagine this scene: after a long day of shopping, we’re hungry, so we decide to grab a snack on the way home. We sit down at the table with a container of hummus and some pretzels for dipping. I daintily dip a pretzel into the hummus, pulling it back with just enough hummus to get the flavor of it, while still being able to taste the pretzel. You scoop the pretzel into the hummus, effectively drowning it and pulling back a smothered pretzel (and finger) that means not only can you not taste the pretzel, but also that you’re going to decimate the hummus supply in just three pretzels.
I find this situation so profoundly irritating, I try to avoid it altogether by providing plates for everyone involved in the dip sharing. That way, each person can put some chips and dip on her plate and then feed herself without having to go back to the community bowl. Otherwise, with every trip of chip to dip, I get a little more frustrated.
Maybe it’s the former fat girl in me, or maybe I’m just cheap, but my food is mine. And our dip is ours — not your personal pool for burying chips alive. You have to be caring when sharing.
Anyone else feel this way? Or are you OK with people taking food right off your plate while you eat?
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL! This reminds me so much of the Friends episode where Joey is out on a date with a woman who keeps casually taking the food off of his plate (including french fries, I think)… he is super outraged, it’s SO funny!
My husband and his whole family have this food sharing habit where it’s like “what I order, we all order.” It was so hard for me to adjust to — if you wanted the salmon, you should have gotten the salmon. I don’t have to cut my salmon up into 6 pieces to give you all a taste…
Bethany @Bridezilla Bakes´s last post ..January Goals- Review
haha yeah I thought of Joey from Friends too. (what does that say about our age group? haha).
I have to say, I never venture to share, unless with really good friends. And in that instance, the sharing depends on the friendship. For instance, I pretty much always ask before robbing from my boyfriend’s plate. But if I ask, and he says no, then I just take. Especially if I know I’m going to end up paying for the meal. EFF that. My money, my food. (he’s not cheap, we just do halfsies like a modern, been dating for six years kind of couple).
On the other hand, I noticed recently that I’ve just been taking food off my one friend’s plate. She might be secretly seething at me, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t care. We eat out at the same place pretty much once or twice a week, and she almost always gets the same Mediterranean salad, and when she does get it, she always leaves extra feta on her plate. The first few times, I asked. Now, when she orders, I consider 50% of the feta mine. That said, I generally don’t pick (without asking) until she seems to be done.
So.
Analyze my etiquette.
Do it!
Mary @ stylefyles´s last post ..Dear Boyf
My favorite was when my co-workers all went to eat dinner at “The Stinking Rose”, which is a restaurant specializing in garlic in San Francisco’s North Beach.
We all ordered our meals, they arrive and we start to eat. I only got a very small portion of garlic mashed potatoes. After we had been eating for a bit, I say, “Wow…these mashed potatoes really are amazing!” My co-worker says, “I know!” and reaches across the table with her fork and takes my LAST forkfull of potatoes and eats them! She didn’t even ask!
I was like, WTF?
Her response, “I already ate mine…”
Then I tell her that stealing food off of my plate is totally NOT cool with me. A few minutes go by, and then she steals ANOTHER bite of something else on my plate! I thought I was going to have to beat her to death with my oversized beer glass…
Alexa @ The Girl In Chucks´s last post ..Dialect vLog
OMG I had an anxiety attack just reading that.
Geez, me too. I can’t even explain my relationship with the Last Bite of Something Delicious, but it borders on inappropriate.
Paige´s last post ..Cute Serving Dishes- Napkin Rings- and Other Things We Rarely Use
this is actually awful!
LOVE: “You may also have sex with me.” Hilarious. I don’t mind people taking my food actually. But I do mind “everything you can cram into your mouth at once, leaving me with nothing but a scrap of bun and a tiny corner of cheese” which is what my mom does. It upsets me every time because I can’t call her out on it or she flips out on how mean I am to her.
Dori´s last post ..I’m Quoted in the NY Times!
Not ok with it. With family and friends, I will always offer to be polite and expect the same in return.
On one of my boyfriend and I’s first date, he tried to swipe my cornbread as soon as the waiter put my plate down. I just glared at him and said “What do you think you’re doing!?” Apparently he thought I didn’t like cornbread… umm sorry buddy, I love cornbread. And even if I didn’t, you don’t just take it from my plate, you ask first. It’s become a joke now, but at the time, I was not impressed…
Yes…anxiety! That’s exactly how I felt when my boyfriend and I would share some dips and I’d get all squirmy inside when I saw how much he would scoop onto the carrot/tortilla chip/pretzel. It made me feel like I had to race him and get as much dip as possible, when all I wanted was a nice lady-like scoop to begin with. It’s like I wasn’t competitive until I thought I might need to be, and then I would get super intense over it.
haha My boyfriend does this as well!! I’m always yelling at him to be a more conservative dipper. He usually ends up spilling some of the dip on the trip from the bowl to his mouth anyway.
Wait. But some people really like dip. I mean, what if you’re one of the people who likes super chunky salsa, and considers the best part of the bite to be the salsa, not the chip? Have I been turning eating into a competition, unbeknownst to me? I promise I’ll make/buy enough dip so there’s enough for everyone. And, if it’s any consolation, I eat an equal proportion of salsa-to-chips when it’s just me alone.
Seriously, I need AT least a 10 oz. worth of salsa for one plate of nachos.
Mary @ stylefyles´s last post ..Dear Boyf
PS I just made myself really crave nachos
Mary @ stylefyles´s last post ..Dear Boyf
Couldn’t agree more! I particularly hate it when I order something really fancy schmancy and beautiful – like a gorgeous salmon fillet or gourmet pasta dish that I RARELY get to eat, and all the sudden my plate it being attacked. It’s like DUDE, let me enjoy it first. When I’m full, I’ll share. It’s not like I have 10 salmons to spare. I get one. One little delicious one, so back off. hahaha. Great article girl, as always!
Rachel´s last post ..Quotable Sunday- The Beauty of Traveling
Great post and I agree. Except with my daughter, when she was younger. I’d let her steal anything she wanted off my plate. Because it meant she actually was eating. And with young kids, that doesn’t always happen often. The nieces and nephew though? Eww, get off my plate! My kid only. ;)
The line about being too weak to fight due to their diet? Awesome! I laughed way too hard.
HAHAA wow this SO resonates me with me. my fiancé always tells me that i’m a bad sharer because i flip when he steals food off of my plate. but seriously? he eats 10 times faster than me so of course when he has an empty plate and i still have a full plate he’s going to be envious and want to steal. he should learn to slow the eff down. my food is my food – and just because i’m slow doesn’t mean that i’m not savoring every bite. i don’t want less bites. his justification is always, “but i don’t mind you taking food off of my plate!” but to get some of his i’d have to speedily grab some as soon as it hits the table before he picks up a utensil. i have manners like you and respect that it’s his food, also, so i would never compromise my principals like this. and i don’t like eating like i’m running a relay race either. what you said about hummus is how i feel about guacamole. whenever there is guac i am watching how much everyone consumes and silently judging… and if they’re taking a lot then i start putting so much on my chip until i have a tennis ball of guac teetering on my chip to ensure i get enough. i don’t even WANT all of that at once- i just do it because i’m scavenging!! this is not okay.. i might just send your blog post to everyone i know.
p.s. i’m a new reader and your blog is AWESOME!!! cracks me up every time! thank you!
carly´s last post ..reverb10 30
Hilarious post! We don’t have to worry about any guidelines in my house though, the fiancée refuses to share food with anyone. I’m learning how to deal, but he eats a bunch of crap anyways so I don’t want it.If he would only want to steal a few carrot sticks of my plate…that’s a whole other story.
I just read Rule #30 to my boyfriend, because that is totally him whenever guacamole is involved.
His response was: “But i enjoy the dip more than the dipping object! Not my problem that you like the chip as well”
I think I need to start getting him his own order when we get chips and guac. He’s like a bear eating it.
I’m on board with all of these, although I think I abuse some of them with my husband. With this whole gluten intolerant bit, I can’t order a lot of things as I used to. I con him into giving me very small bites of somethings – and sometimes talk him into ordering things b/c I want to taste them though I can’t have an entire serving of it.
Yes, I’m a sneaky wife. I proudly own that. And he still loves me for it.
You are hilarious! One thing that bothers me is when I share nachos with someone and they take all of the good stuff off… so once we’re done we’re left with a plate of all the good stuff and no chips. I hate that!
ashleigh´s last post ..Lentil Soup
Oh, Rachel. I have decided that if I were a lesbian, I would be in love with you. Yes, that’s right, I said it. New mission: find male version Rachel Wilkerson.
I too understand the food sharing rules – the dip! THE DIP! It’s especially important when dining OUT and sharing some sort of warm, creamy dip (TWSS? no?) and your dining partner has changed the stakes of sharing an appetizer. I feel like I am in a race, suddenly, because Greedy McGreederson is shoveling chips so quickly into their mouth that I feel like the only acceptable response is to abandon all conversation and join the damn sprint before this fool laps me.
That said, however, there are SOME people in my life who I break all sharing rules with – I don’t know what it is about them, or more specifically, my relationship to them, but there is an unspoken sharing understanding. One friend and I have never discussed our sharing, but when food is delivered, we each naturally give each other half of whatever we ordered. It is some sort of alternate universe taking place when we are at the same booth, perhaps? Has an angel of sharing mercy produced a hedge of food-feeling protection over us? I’m not EXACTLY sure, but I don’t plan on stopping it any time soon. This woman understands my pallet better than I do, and with out ever discussing what we are getting before waitstaff arrive, she always orders the perfect companion to my own selection. Maybe we are food soul mates? Maybe if I were a lesbian my love for you would be a contrast with the obviousness of she and I being made for each other in the PFLAG sponsored RomCom of the year? I don’t know – but it’s perfection.
This is such a serious issue for me. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m very defensive of my food, especially when it’s something I’m craving, like chips and fresh salsa or quinoa or something! Get your own!! If I know there will be others around who are likely to want to share (even if they aren’t invited), I’ll try to have extra on hand so my craving satisfaction isn’t ruined.
My other strategy when I’m going out to eat is to negotiate with my eating companion prior to ordering – like, you get the burger and fries, and I’ll get the pasta and we’ll ask for a couple extra plates to share things. If you’re ordering two entrees, most places won’t tack on a ‘split plate’ charge so it works out :) Besides, I can never decide what I want to order at restaurants because usually everything sounds so good, so this solves that as well.
I typically love to share (because I want everyone to share with me)….but I go batshit when somebody just goes straight for my plate without asking. Drives me NUTS!
Manon´s last post ..Project Tasteless- Beer Puff Duo
I’m okay sharing with my S.O. because we tend to just naturally share food. But if I’m out with a girlfriend or group of friends, they had better STEP OFF my queso!!!
Natalie @ Scarlett Notions´s last post ..On my classes
My ex was the king of your dip-horror situation. I HATED it. *Hate*
There are two things that my husband and I fight about: housekeeping and french fries. If we get fast food and try to “split the fries,” it ends up being an anxiety-ridden competition to see who can eat them faster and therefore get his or her fair share. So we always order two orders. Always.
So yeah…I hear ya.
shelby´s last post ..What I’ve been doing
One of my best friends in college would routinely ask her bf to “split” something with her. Apparently splitting the plate of fries meant he got three undercooked fries while she ate everything else. It was sort of endearing how he put up with it, but if she ever tried that with me, she’d be missing one of her cute little hands. SPLITTING = 50/50 UNLESS YOU DISCUSS OTHERWISE.
Oh I can totally relate to this.
First of all, Alex takes the HUGEST bites of food, while I am a nibbler. So obviously this is a problem when he wants to try my burger. He’s essentially “trying” half of the burger in one fell swoop.
He also often asks for my LAST BITE OF FOOD. Which I do give him, begrudgingly. He’s learned not to do this, however.
Cyndie´s last post ..panda babies!
Oh my. This is too funny.
One day I was getting lunch with my boyfriend. And I mean, I was getting lunch. He wasn’t hungry, so he just got a drink. I ordered this delicious salad, which came with a mini muffin on the side (PS do all restaurants do this?). It was a magical-looking cranberry muffin, but before I had the chance to taste it, my boyfriend swiped it right off the plate and ate the whole thing in one bite. Our waitress heard me throwing a fit over it, so she brought me two replacements :)
(which I did not share).
Erica´s last post ..Pizza Cookies Frozen Packaged Together Like- In One Box
Gahhhhh! PTSD flashbacks of every meal with my ex-husband!!
I am so with you on this. Especially rule #28 which I found hilarious. Not a fan of the scavengers! I am usually not into sharing food for all these reasons. Especially when you don’t know the people that well. Because I like to be able to be shamelessly honest and “Bitch get your own fries!”
Danielle´s last post ..Baked Eggs with Artichokes
Ryan and I are swipe-for-swipers. We just assume that we’ll be stealing parts of eachother’s meals. What really irks me is when he’ll order something he knows I won’t touch then expects to eat some of my stuff. None for me…none for you. That’s the rules. :)
Stephanie´s last post ..Saturday Seven
I hate when people steal slices of my apple. Do you want an apple? Cut one up. I will eat every slice of my apple and still want more. If you steal my apple, I will hurt you.
Katie @ Live for the Long Run´s last post ..Mini-Goal Monday- Veg-tastic
My dad used to always eat off of my plate! It was so annoying. Now I finish off whatever my friends don’t eat–usually their steamed veggies ;)
Michelle @ Give Me the Almond Butter´s last post ..Midterms and THE BIG ANNOUNCMENT
Hahaaaa — so on the same page where fries are concerned, but I’m more zero-tolerance. It’s a standard rule that my fries are my fries — even if you think you might want to just have a couple, you have to order your own portion (to be fair, I’ll probably help you polish that portion off as well as my own if you think you’re going to run into problems…)
Vics´s last post ..How big are newborn feet anyway
my friend totally killed half a tub of hummus in about 10 minutes the last time she was over. with about 8 mini-crackers. seriously? people are so lame sometimes.
Jess´s last post ..avocado fries
Yay! So glad you posted about this after our conversation in Houston last week.
You know that I also have food sharing anxiety. I’m definitely guilty of monitoring community dip use and also prefer the “let’s each put some dip on a plate” strategy when possible.
I also hate when people think my plate is a free for all. Politely ask me and I’ll give you a bite. It’s not rocket science people.
And also, is it just me or do you notice that the “salad dressing on the side people who massacre your fries” always wind up eating more fries than they would have if they had just ordered them. Here’s a novel concept: you can enjoy more than 1 dish in a meal without gorging yourself.
I will say that when I am dining out with someone with a similar palate as mine, I do get a little anxious if we both order the same dish because secretly I am hoping for a little taste of theirs. But on the other side of the coin, it exempts me from meal sharing privileges :)
Bess´s last post ..Texi-fornication Weekend In Pictures
I am super territorial about my food! I think it’s the former fat girl in me…or perhaps because my sister traumatized me by always, always eating the last of anything I wanted! I *told* my mom not to have her….. ;-)
This is so true! The worst is one of my college roommates who I offered to have a banana and some nutella one day. 4 days later, the jar of nutella was gone along with the bananas. I offered some nutella not the WHOLE jar. However, she did leave one small dip at the end…thanks.
Lauren´s last post ..Addicted
LOVE THIS! the other night I was going out to dinner with five of my friends, and one girl said she hates when people try to eat her food. then, we got our food- and that said friend starts eating off another girl’s plate! haha. that being said, i will sometimes take small bites from my boyfriend’s plate without asking. oopsies:)
Jess@atasteofconfidence´s last post ..Crepes & Skates
Ohhhh yeah. I do not like to share food, especially fries, actually. What I hate more is when my hubby wants me to try HIS food. He literally will not stop until I try it. I hate when people are too forceful with you trying foods. Do not force your food on me and do not steal my food. Period!
This should be added to your list: I was out to eat with my mom and her friend, who I didn’t know at all. (If it matters, my mom paid). We went to an Indian restaurant, and my mom and her friend split two orders, while I specifically ordered tandoori chicken, which is both fairly healthy but expensive, with the idea that i would eat half and save the rest for another meal. So I leave like 4 pieces of chicken on my plate and am waiting for it to get packaged up, and my mom’ friend asks if she can have some, and then takes 3 pieces and leaves one! This still annoys me..why leave me one piece. If you insist on taking some, take all, you already ruined its future meal potential. ughh.
I HATE when someone takes a bite or a drink of my food before I have a chance to try it! I know it shouldn’t matter, but definitely one of my pet peeves.
i absolutely could not agree more! and it is totally my former fat girl and the fact that i’m just plain cheap. don’t mess with my food! :)
jessi´s last post ..your daily quote
I can’t STAND it when folks help themselves to what’s on my plate! I always have my fork at the ready for whomever wants to try to swipe whatever goodness I am partaking in at that moment. It’s an all out war with family…especially my sister.
Kionda´s last post ..Hello February!
I’m not too bad with this but the bratty kid in me breaks out every now and then especially if it was something gorgeous I’m eating.
My boyfriend is a total food scavage… We went out last Friday and got some take out fish and chips (how terribly British of us, right?!) and we get home, plate it up, sit down to eat and half way through despite his plate still containing much food and plenty of chips he reaches over and takes a chip off my plate… I literally saw red like Dude! What’s your deal? You have your own freakin chips… I can only assume the look of one of them on my plate took his fancy but still… Not cool.
Don’t even get me started on drinks… I’ve just offered you a drink, you’ve said no so I got myself one but 2 mins later you’re more or less draining my drink in one slurp?!? What’s that about? Beyond frustrating!