Happy February! I know most people hate this month and hate Valentine’s Day, but I love Valentine’s Day and you’re just going to have to deal with it. The good news is, I have just the thing to convert all you haters out there…
Slutty — but gorgeous and classy — Valentines!
Back in December, a lovely reader directed me to an Etsy shop, which led me to the seller’s actual Web site: Flytrap. The tagline? “We make smart people laugh.”
Um, more like, “We make sex-crazed (smart) girls who love dirty jokes and beautiful stationary feel all warm inside (and laugh).”
Within minutes, I had fallen in love with all the cards I’ve always wanted to send but could never find at Hallmark. Last week, I went back to pick out a card for Eric. As I searched for the perfect Valentine’s Day sentiment, I fell in love with gems like “Let’s be together tonight,” with an inside that said, “But when we’re done I’d like to leave” and the simple “I really wish your tongue was here.”
Did they read my mind?!
(And more important — do other people actually talk to their boyfriends like that?! SO VALIDATING!)
As I struggled to choose just one card, I realized that you guys needed to know about these cards too. So, I sent an e-mail. “I have a blog…my readers are awesome…slash ridiculous…I think they will love you…please help!” And they responded! Bearing gifts!!! And so here we are.
I now have seven fabulous cards to give away to you to pass on to your nearest and dearest or just send to yourself because they are so amazing, you may not want to give them away. (For those of you who love paper as much as I do, rest assured that these have that heavy, beautiful texture that will make your inner stationary snob feel extremely satisfied.)
“Will you be my Valentine?/Oops, that’s right. You don’t have a penis.”
“Love isn’t easy…/Fortunately I am.”
“I love everything about you./Especially your dick.”
“It’s Valentine’s Day! You know what that means…/I’ll be in my room crying.”
“I’m so glad we’re in a committed relationship now…/I was getting tired of whoring around.”
“I’m so glad I found you/Instead of Jesus.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day! Love is in the air!/Yep. That’s sex you’re smelling.”
(After reading about Jen, the founder and owner, and learning the company’s background, I fell even more in love. You know I love women running businesses, especially ones that favor “pushing the boundaries of acceptable behavior.” I’ve also asked if I can commission her for my Save the Dates when the time comes. Best idea ever or BEST IDEA EVER?!)
OK, I’m guessing you’re getting all hot and bothered and would like to know how to win, right?
To win you must…
- Go to the Flytrap Web site and browse the selection. Besides Valentine’s cards, there are fantastic cards for all occasions (I love the wedding cards!) plus fabulous journals and mini note sets. I spent like two hours on there one night.
- Leave a comment on this post telling me what your favorite item from the store is, and also what your relationship status is this Valentine’s Day. First, I need to know which Valentine’s Day card to send you! (I mean, I’m not going to make you the winner of the “especially your dick” card if you’re single or a lesbian or both.) Second, um, I just like when you guys leave comments telling funny/interesting personal stories about yourselves because it makes me laugh and I can only imagine what your relationship status tales are this time of year.
Get two bonus entries!
- Follow both me and FlyTrap on Twitter and tweet: @RachelGettingIt and @ShopFlytrap are giving away [sexy, hilarious, awesome] Valentine’s Day cards and I want to win! http://wp.me/pVuYy-2we You pick the adjective and then just come here and leave another comment saying you done tweeted it.
- Friend me on FB, “Like” FlyTrap, and then tag us both in a status that says the same thing/includes the link. And then leave a comment here letting me know you did!
You have until Thursday, Feb. 3 at 11:59 EST to enter. I’ll pick random winners from the comments and hook you up with your lovely Valentine!
See? February is going to be OK.