“Love Is In the Air! Yep. That’s Sex You’re Smelling.”

by Rachel on February 1, 2011

Happy February! I know most people hate this month and hate Valentine’s Day, but I love Valentine’s Day and you’re just going to have to deal with it. The good news is, I have just the thing to convert all you haters out there…

Slutty — but gorgeous and classy — Valentines!

Back in December, a lovely reader directed me to an Etsy shop, which led me to the seller’s actual Web site: Flytrap. The tagline? “We make smart people laugh.”

Um, more like, “We make sex-crazed (smart) girls who love dirty jokes and beautiful stationary feel all warm inside (and laugh).”

Within minutes, I had fallen in love with all the cards I’ve always wanted to send but could never find at Hallmark. Last week, I went back to pick out a card for Eric. As I searched for the perfect Valentine’s Day sentiment, I fell in love with gems like “Let’s be together tonight,” with an inside that said, “But when we’re done I’d like to leave” and the simple “I really wish your tongue was here.”

Did they read my mind?!

(And more important — do other people actually talk to their boyfriends like that?! SO VALIDATING!)

As I struggled to choose just one card, I realized that you guys needed to know about these cards too. So, I sent an e-mail. “I have a blog…my readers are awesome…slash ridiculous…I think they will love you…please help!” And they responded! Bearing gifts!!! And so here we are.

I now have seven fabulous cards to give away to you to pass on to your nearest and dearest or just send to yourself because they are so amazing, you may not want to give them away. (For those of you who love paper as much as I do, rest assured that these have that heavy, beautiful texture that will make your inner stationary snob feel extremely satisfied.)

Selections include:

“Will you be my Valentine?/Oops, that’s right. You don’t have a penis.”

“Love isn’t easy…/Fortunately I am.”

“I love everything about you./Especially your dick.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day! You know what that means…/I’ll be in my room crying.”

“I’m so glad we’re in a committed relationship now…/I was getting tired of whoring around.”

“I’m so glad I found you/Instead of Jesus.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day! Love is in the air!/Yep. That’s sex you’re smelling.”

(After reading about Jen, the founder and owner, and learning the company’s background, I fell even more in love. You know I love women running businesses, especially ones that favor “pushing the boundaries of acceptable behavior.” I’ve also asked if I can commission her for my Save the Dates when the time comes. Best idea ever or BEST IDEA EVER?!)

OK, I’m guessing you’re getting all hot and bothered and would like to know how to win, right?

To win you must…

  • Go to the Flytrap Web site and browse the selection. Besides Valentine’s cards, there are fantastic cards for all occasions (I love the wedding cards!) plus fabulous journals and mini note sets. I spent like two hours on there one night.
  • Leave a comment on this post telling me what your favorite item from the store is, and also what your relationship status is this Valentine’s Day. First, I need to know which Valentine’s Day card to send you! (I mean, I’m not going to make you the winner of the “especially your dick” card if you’re single or a lesbian or both.) Second, um, I just like when you guys leave comments telling funny/interesting personal stories about yourselves because it makes me laugh and I can only imagine what your relationship status tales are this time of year.

Get two bonus entries!

  • Follow both me and FlyTrap on Twitter and tweet: @RachelGettingIt and @ShopFlytrap are giving away [sexy, hilarious, awesome] Valentine’s Day cards and I want to win! http://wp.me/pVuYy-2we You pick the adjective and then just come here and leave another comment saying you done tweeted it.
  • Friend me on FB, “Like” FlyTrap, and then tag us both in a status that says the same thing/includes the link. And then leave a comment here letting me know you did!

You have until Thursday, Feb. 3 at 11:59 EST to enter. I’ll pick random winners from the comments and hook you up with your lovely Valentine!

See? February is going to be OK.

{ 107 comments }

1 Brittney February 1, 2011 at 8:43 am

I have to go with the “Naughty Adult Friendship Greeting Card with Airline Seats / 8 Inches” since my husband is a pilot. We like stupid airline humor, what can I say ;) And I assume my relationship status will still be “married” on Valentine’s Day. He doesn’t have much time to escape me between now and then…
Brittney´s last post ..A French FeastMy Profile

2 Liz @ Blog is the New Black February 1, 2011 at 8:44 am

These cards are hilarious! I am happily in a relationship with my bf of 3 years. I’ve never cared either way about V-day. I like the card that says, “I’m so glad we’re not the type of friends who keep tabs on how much we owe each other. $6.52.”

GENIUS! Thanks for sharing.
Liz @ Blog is the New Black´s last post ..Orange Creamsicle CookiesMy Profile

3 Kelly February 1, 2011 at 8:46 am

So I will be married 5 1/2 years on Valentine’s Day, and my husband and I usually do fairly mushy cards for each other. That’s why this one is my favorite:

FRONT My Love, for the long term, I want to love you, hold you, adore you, please you, take care of you, and make you the happiest person who ever was.

INSIDE For the short term, I just want you to do me.

On the front, it will look like the typical mushy card, but the inside will surprise him! Great etsy site – thanks for sharing!

4 Paige February 1, 2011 at 8:49 am

I am obsessed with this store. I spent hours the other night trying to pick the right card for Nathan and ultimately never picked one because there were so many great options. I’m pretty sure that the “instead of Jesus” card is the winner though…I’d go for that if I won!
Paige´s last post ..Cute Serving Dishes- Napkin Rings- and Other Things We Rarely UseMy Profile

5 Andie February 1, 2011 at 8:54 am

This one is without a doubt my favorite, partially because it took me half a beat too long to get:

FRONT Spaghetti, sushi, tacos & you.
INSIDE Four things I love on an empty stomach.

Amazing. Thank you for introducing me to these cards! I’m in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend of somewhere between 1.5 and 3 years (uhh… yeah, 1.5 years of what a lot of these cards describe, sans the relationship part…). As much as I love this card, there are a few others that I hope really come true on Vday (i.e. 12 roses? not the candlelight crud.) :)

6 Dori February 1, 2011 at 8:54 am

This. Is. Amazing. Seriously, thank you for bringing Flytrap to me, I am in love. I just followed Flytrap on Twitter and tweeted (adjective: raunchy).

My relationship status is single. So, if any of Rachel’s readers know any dorky Jewish boys in New York City, let me know. Please.

My favorite card is this one because of it’s simplicity and succinctness: http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/CLVS005.html

FRONT Thinking of you…

INSIDE … naked.
Dori´s last post ..I’m Quoted in the NY Times!My Profile

7 Lara February 1, 2011 at 8:56 am

Whoa! This is a toughie as all the stuff on this site is awesome. I did love reading over the Valentine cards especially. Very funny and cynical. I can relate totally. Anyhow this will my husband’s and my 12th Valentine’s Day together….please randomly pick me! :)

8 Stephanie @ The Cookie Battle February 1, 2011 at 8:57 am

I retweeted :)
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9 Stephanie @ The Cookie Battle February 1, 2011 at 8:58 am

My relationship status this v-day is “it’s complicated.” I’m technically in a relationship but we are contemplating breaking up while still having fantastic sex.

I would LOVE the “especially your dick” card, it definitely applies to my situation right now!
Stephanie @ The Cookie Battle´s last post ..Very Delicious But Not So Healthy Banana BreadMy Profile

10 Lara February 1, 2011 at 9:01 am

I have tweeted about your amazing giveaway…and picked all three adjectives!

11 Alie February 1, 2011 at 9:01 am

I like the wedding card that says: FRONT You’re so lucky to have her as your bride!
INSIDE (The front of this card was a lie. She’s crazy, dude. Abort! Abort!)

Was in a relationship for four years (moved to a different state for him) and we broke up last year but still “hang out” on occasion. Still love each other, not sure why we are both being idiots (him more than me). So I would pick the card that says “Love isn’t easy…/Fortunately I am.” :) Seems fitting haha.

12 Dallas February 1, 2011 at 9:06 am

Oh. I would go for the “Thank you for not” thank you card… And I am… single. But half-oranging it!

13 Dallas February 1, 2011 at 9:07 am

I tweeted, yo!

@curiousbelle
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14 Lara February 1, 2011 at 9:07 am

Done on Facebook though not sure if I “tagged” you properly…just put your name in my status post! Hope that’s good enough! the word is out at any rate! Cheers!

15 Tenecia February 1, 2011 at 9:07 am

Umm….I think I may love you….that.is.all.

T.
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16 April February 1, 2011 at 9:09 am

Oh, love this site! I might be in trouble now. I love the Thank Gratitude journal. Such a great reminder to enjoy even the little things.

Yes…I am a totally single straight gal BUT love Valentine’s Day. I love the pink and red and hearts everywhere.

17 Manon February 1, 2011 at 9:15 am

OMG….this site has Manon written ALL over it!!! It doesn’t make me love Valentines Day, but it DOES make me love you even more…..I’m so god damn bored being laid up and I’m pretty sure this site will keep me entertained for at least one day! I love the journals, especially the BOINK one since that’s one of my favorite words….but I’m pretty sure there won’t be any boinking going on here for a while, so I may have to get the Laugh one for now. So yeah, my relationship status is extremely SINGLE….and CRIPPLED….so I can’t even whore myself out if I wanted to. Is there a sympathy card for that? There should be.
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18 Manon February 1, 2011 at 9:20 am

Tweeted!
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19 Jess February 1, 2011 at 9:23 am

I loved the wedding cards! I may have to buy all of them now, thank you. This valentine’s day I am in a relationship..with a guy, by the way, who loved the valentine’s day cards from Flytrap…he’s a keeper.

20 Manon February 1, 2011 at 9:23 am

aaaand FB’d!
Manon´s last post ..Project Tasteless- Beer Puff DuoMy Profile

21 jenna February 1, 2011 at 9:26 am

These cards are amazing! I’m loving the friendship cards..my fav as of right now “Birds do it..Bees do it…”

22 lisa February 1, 2011 at 9:30 am

I like the theater card: “Break a leg” / “Seriously. Then I’ll not only be smarter and funner than you, I’ll also be faster.”

I am as single as the day is long. Newly single. And trying to be “friends.” Whatever that nonsense means.

Winning a card would be way better than the Valentine’s Day when a boyfriend gave me a head of lettuce as a present… true story…
lisa´s last post ..in which I dont have to go to schoolMy Profile

23 Lindsay February 1, 2011 at 9:33 am

My favorite v-day card on the site is the one with the sheep:
FRONT I love ewe.

INSIDE Not sheep, you perv! It’s a pun. It’s like I said I love YOU, but cuter. I’m pretty cute, aren’t I?
My boyfriend gave me a stuffed sheep once, and we always make jokes about it.
I also like the whoring around card you listed. hahahah
We’ve been together for 2.5 years though! We love humor like this. Even if I don’t win, I’ll probably buy one of the cards anyway

24 jenna February 1, 2011 at 9:34 am

I tweeted as well! Forgot to mention in the previous post, I’m rockin the single status this year.

25 Whitney February 1, 2011 at 9:39 am

OMG (omg omg) I love this site. Screw a “cute handmade” card, I totally wish I had found this website before. Considering I’m single (with a huge lust crush right now), I would totally go for the “Love isn’t easy, fortunately I am” and if I won that, I would totally give that to my lust crush. Seriously.
Whitney´s last post ..Hot &amp Not- the Valentine’s EditionMy Profile

26 Whitney February 1, 2011 at 9:40 am

And PS – I srsly want to win that card, so I tweeted it!
Whitney´s last post ..Hot &amp Not- the Valentine’s EditionMy Profile

27 Lindsay February 1, 2011 at 9:41 am

and I tweeted! @lynzie895

28 Stephanie February 1, 2011 at 9:50 am

On heart day I’ll be a girlfriend. A girlfriend wanting to be a fiancee but not wanting to be a fiancee on heart day because I’m hoping he’d know better than to propose to me on the obvious day. :)

I love love loove this one:

FRONT My Love, for the long term, I want to love you, hold you, adore you, please you, take care of you, and make you the happiest person who ever was.

INSIDE For the short term, I just want you to do me.
Stephanie´s last post ..Saturday SevenMy Profile

29 Cassie February 1, 2011 at 9:57 am

I am torn between:
FRONT The moment I saw you, I had to have you. It was love at first sight. I’m so glad I found you. You light up my life and make me feel beautiful. I don’t want to spend a single minute without you.

INSIDE Hang on a second. You’re not shoes after all, are you?

and

FRONT My Love, for the long term, I want to love you, hold you, adore you, please you, take care of you, and make you the happiest person who ever was.

INSIDE For the short term, I just want you to do me.

I am in a hilariously wonderful relationship this Valentine’s day, and know my SO would appreciate the hilarity of these cards – great find!

30 Laura February 1, 2011 at 10:01 am

omg, these are perfect. so I started dating an uber-catholic guy last fall (I never thought I’d see the day). and then he dumped me. because I’m not catholic. which is strange it took him three months to figure that out, since my last name is clearly jew-y. so right now, if I were to define it via facebook terms, “it’s complicated” because I refuse to let a guy breakup with me over religion in this day and age and I like using him. well, using him for making out, pretty much, and thus bringing me to my favorite card befitting to this situation: the “I’d Give Up Sex for You” card (http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/CLVH002.html) … ! oh, my life.

31 Marvella February 1, 2011 at 10:02 am

I loved the ….”especially your dick” one so much that I just bought it. I couldn’t wait! I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years with my boyfriend. He’s going to die when he sees this card. Thanks for the heads up, Rachel!

32 Arien February 1, 2011 at 10:05 am

The “I love ewe” one is pretty perfect–both puns and cuteness are serious catchphrases in our relationship.

33 marie February 1, 2011 at 10:06 am

I’m usually not ambitious enough to do blog giveaways – I know, I know, leaving a comment requires ambition? – but this is right up my alley, so…I am a lady(ish), married to a man. My favorite card is definitely the “I found you/not Jesus” card. One of the things I love about my husband is that he shares my disdain for religion. (No offense meant to any religious peeps, of course.)

I’d also like to say: Dick, balls, vagina, boobs. Blowjob. Because I can.

Woo?
marie´s last post ..trapped under iceMy Profile

34 Danielle February 1, 2011 at 10:11 am

I love the “things that don’t make sense cards” – too funny!

I’m in a [long-distance] relationship, so I’m definitely looking for a way to make Valentine’s Day a little more bearable!

35 Lisa @ I'm an Okie February 1, 2011 at 10:23 am

Oh my goodness. I spent hours here too! I love a few of them..I think the “my pussy can’t lick itself is pretty awesome.” Secondly, I love the “especially your dick.” card.

My status: oh geez. well, recently single but still live together. It was a 4 year relationship. I probably should’ve left a long time ago, but I didn’t. I think his dick mezmorized me or something..seriously, our physical connection was so strong. Unfortunately, he’s emotionally stunted….so, If I were to send him a card, I’d send him one that said I loved his dick. Fitting.

36 Lisa @ I'm an Okie February 1, 2011 at 10:25 am

tweeted : )

37 Caitlin February 1, 2011 at 10:25 am

OMG I just spent a solid 15 browsing through and laughing in hysterics. My favorite Valentine’s Day one says:

FRONT It’s Valentine’s Day! You know what that means…

INSIDE I’ll be in my room crying.

Right up my alley. Definitely ordering a bunch of these!
Caitlin´s last post ..Chills And ThrillsMy Profile

38 Cheryl February 1, 2011 at 10:28 am
39 Cheryl February 1, 2011 at 10:28 am

Follow and tweeted girl!!

40 Elise February 1, 2011 at 10:51 am

I love this one: I love you. Now do me. http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/CLVS003.html

What a great find!

41 Nicci February 1, 2011 at 11:00 am

My kind of cards, dirty but sweet! I’m happily taken in a relationship with my bf for 5 looooong years. j/k I’m going to say I love the saucy little love coupons, http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/LLCL002.html. I always make coupons for V-day!

42 Nicci (NiftyEats) February 1, 2011 at 11:03 am

I have tweeted about this naughty giveaway!

43 Cindy February 1, 2011 at 11:13 am

I discovered FlyTrap awhile ago. My all time favorite is still the “Obnoxious Little Parking Notes” Littles Mini Notes. It cracks me up to imagine someone seeing the pretty note on nice paper, and then (slowly, I’m sure) realizing its an insult. I can’t help but wondering if these people think they ARE doing the right thing, and truly don’t understand how much they suck.

I’ve been married for about 15 years.
Cindy´s last post ..Girls Horse Clothes is Getting a MakeoverMy Profile

44 Melissa February 1, 2011 at 11:14 am

I absolutely love the I’m so glad I found you, not Jesus card. It has to be the best card EVER. :)

I was friends with my husband for about a year and a half before we started dating. Around Valentine’s Day 11 years ago, he was complaining about how much he hated the holiday. I grew up loving it, so I decided to make his Valentine’s Day happy. I sent him flowers and we went out to eat (we waited 3 hours for a table at Outback in our tiny college town). We started dating not too long after that. Since we never want to wait that long again, we’ll be eating at home this year and going out later in the week.

45 Lauren February 1, 2011 at 11:19 am

These cards are hilarious! For Valentine’s, I love the “Sex is in the air” card! I am normally pretty reserved, so any of these cards coming from me would shock the hubs. :-) We’ll be celebrating our 9th Valentine’s together…almost 5 years married and counting! Thanks for the heads up to a great site!

46 Jess February 1, 2011 at 11:25 am

ha, these are great. my husband is so anti-cards but he might actually like these. my fave: “i’m so glad i found you. instead of jesus.”
Jess´s last post ..avocado friesMy Profile

47 Cyndie February 1, 2011 at 11:33 am

Haha, this is totally how I talk to my boyfriend! I’m a fan of the “especially your dick” card, OR “I’d rather have a dozen orgasms and a dozen roses”. Right up my alley.

So yes, I have a boyfriend. And we don’t really do stuff for v-day, (plus our birthday week overshadows it) but I would totally give him one of these cards!
Cyndie´s last post ..chocolate chip cookie covered oreosMy Profile

48 Mel February 1, 2011 at 11:38 am

These. Are. Awesome.

I like this one: FRONT: Happy Valentine’s Day! INSIDE: I’d rather have a dozen orgasms than a dozen roses.
and this one: FRONT: You’re a triple threat. Looks, brains, and a great sense of humor. INSIDE: Too bad you’re not a gazillionaire.

My status is Complicated – which is really more like Living Single! but still daydreaming of a Jewish wedding. Maybe if I sent the “Love isn’t easy…but I am” card it would evoke a nice reminder for him to come visit me.

49 Melissa February 1, 2011 at 11:40 am

These are the PERFECT cards! I always just buy the sappy ones and cross out certain words to make them my own, but these ones say exactly what I would!

I recently dated a guy (for a very short time), and broke up with him because I liked a different guy more (and we made out/are totally compatible so I thought he was into me too) to find out that he doesn’t want to date anyone right now! That’s college for you!

My favorites are “Every time I look at you, I just feel so lucky./That you’ll never leave me, since I’m so much hotter than you.”, and the “Laugh” guided journal (what a cool idea).

50 Hannah February 1, 2011 at 11:40 am

Oh my god this site is hilarious! I love a bunch of these cards, but my favorite is I’m so glad I found you, instead of Jesus…

I’m celebrating 12 years with my boyfriend this month–we actually started dating right around Valentine’s Day, so it’s a super ridiculous anniversary/lame holiday time (am NOT a romantic). That card would definitely fit the bill!

51 Mel February 1, 2011 at 11:43 am

Tweeted!

52 C. February 1, 2011 at 11:47 am

i NEED these!!

my completely filthy self needs these for VDay for the BF. He will LOVE them!!

I love:
“I love everything about you./Especially your dick.”

AND

FRONT I don’t want candy, jewels or a rose, Or fancy cards with romantic prose. All that stuff I can get on my own, There is only one thing I can’t do alone. So pucker up sweetie and give it a go…

INSIDE My pussy can’t lick itself you know!

I also tweeted, added on FB, and Liked!!

53 Trisha February 1, 2011 at 11:48 am

These may just be the most amazing cards I’ve ever seen. My favorite one is “I’m so glad we’re in a committed relationship now…/I was getting tired of whoring around.” I just recently started dating a very good friend of mine and because he has just as dirty of a mind as I do and a wonderful sense of humor I think this card would be perfect for him.

54 Bridget@PavementandPLants February 1, 2011 at 11:48 am

I am single and my own Valentine! I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE Valentine’s Day. It’s just a day about love and candy and sex. I plan on buying myself sour conversation hearts and getting a massage. Also, I want to bake cookies for my work and possibly send care packages to my single friends. Why not show everyone you love them, not just your bf/gf?

55 joni February 1, 2011 at 12:04 pm

i retweeted :)

56 jmarie February 1, 2011 at 12:10 pm

my favorite is most definitely:

FRONT I’m so glad I found you.
INSIDE Instead of Jesus.

it made me LOL!

I am officially single, but i have that one ex that i just can’t get rid of : / and well, let’s be honest, he can’t get rid of me… cause well, he sometimes pays for my gas! whatever, i own it!

57 Lauren at KeepItSweet February 1, 2011 at 12:15 pm

My favorite is “My Love, for the long term, I want to love you, hold you, adore you, please you, take care of you, and make you the happiest person who ever was.” “For the short term, I just want you to do me.”

These are all fantastic! Might have to do some shopping if I don’t win…
Lauren at KeepItSweet´s last post ..New CombinationsMy Profile

58 Lauren at KeepItSweet February 1, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Ooops, and I am married.
Lauren at KeepItSweet´s last post ..New CombinationsMy Profile

59 Emily Hayden February 1, 2011 at 12:20 pm

I LOVE the “whoring around” card. Especially ironic since my boyfriend and I started out as friends with benefits. We joke about it all the time!

60 Mary February 1, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Ohmigoodness, I LOVE this site! Even if I don’t win I’ll definitely be buying my valentines here. I’m currently in a committed relationship, and I love the “Especially Your Dick” card. It definitely applies to my current situation, because my boyfriend is black.

61 Keri February 1, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I’ve spent my lunch hour cracking up in my office at everything on this website! But, I have to say the one that literally made me laugh out loud and I HAVE to purchase for my boyfriend is:

FRONT Valentine’s Day is about remembering important people…

INSIDE Like Saint Valentine, who was arrested for marrying Christian couples in Rome. He was beaten with clubs, stoned, then beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate.

Although a close second would have to be the one that said:
FRONT Every time I look at you, I just feel so lucky.

INSIDE That you’ll never leave me, since I’m so much hotter than you.

I thought this would be better saved for an anniversary :)
Thanks for sharing and creating a laugh on this crazy cold winter day in Michigan!

62 Ali February 1, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I’m obsessed with the ‘I’m so glad I found you… instead of Jesus.’ I’m from Texas where all my friend’s are super into Jesus. I was never very ‘Texas’ (as I call it) and this card just sums me up perfectly. Best. card. ever.

I’m in a new (ish) relationship (4 months).

63 kate February 1, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I love the card you listed… “I’m so glad I found you/Instead of Jesus” it’s sooo true!
On the site I like “I love ewe. / Not sheep, you perv!…” haha totally something I would ramble on about.

Love is in the air would be great for a roommate. Oh and the boink journal is fun!!!
kate´s last post ..you can count on a Friday postMy Profile

64 Beth February 1, 2011 at 1:47 pm

My favorite is : Happy Valentine’s Day for a special new person in my life. I’m not sure where this relationship is going… /But I hope when we get there, I get laid

because I’m in that weird stage of a relationship where we like each other and are dating, but have not had that discuss-the-relationship talk, so I am not sure if even sending a Valentine’s card is appropriate. Yes that’s right. Sending a Valentine’s card might not be appropriate, but sending a card letting him know that I hope I get laid soon is tooooootally appropriate.

65 Beth February 1, 2011 at 6:32 pm

PS- I tagged you and the website in my status on Facebook! :)

66 Stina February 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Oh man! I wish I’d known about this site a few months ago when a slew of my friends had babies! I love the Congrats on your baby…Enjoy the Poop cards! I might just have to order some for round 2 of babies!

As for my relationship status…We’ve been in a relationship since November, but I’ve been sleeping with him since July! the “especially your dick” card would be perfect!

67 kate February 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I tweeted it! went with sassy
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68 MelissaNibbles February 1, 2011 at 2:18 pm

I tweeted. Went with Sexy Sexy Sex!!
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69 christine February 1, 2011 at 2:23 pm

pretty sure I was like “I’m single and the guy I’m sort of, kind of, maybe seeing and will definitely be sexing up in the distant future isn’t getting a card from me because it would be totally weird” and then I saw this card ‘FRONT Happy Valentine’s Day for a special new person in my life. I’m not sure where this relationship is going… INSIDE But I hope when we get there, I get laid.’ and then I suddenly changed my mind. if it can get here in time for me to mail it to him by vday, I am definitely ordering it.

I am actually heartbroken (unrelated to above guy) and this will be the 25th year in a row I don’t have a valentine. yes, I’ve never had a valentine. ever. I still love vday but it gets harder every year to not feel lonely, you know? I don’t have any good relationship stories related to vday for you because I clearly scare them off way before feb 14th.

I’ve read meeting your half orange and I really loved it but I don’t think it applies to all types of people. I emailed Amy about it and unsurprisingly never heard back but it’s still discouraging to be single for life.

70 christine February 1, 2011 at 2:26 pm

oh, and I tweeted it, too :)

71 G February 1, 2011 at 3:01 pm

AWESOME! I ADORE this website. I have a friend who really owns her sexiness and has just an awesome and weird sense of humour, so she would love all of the kinky cards, especially this one : http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/CATH017.html . I love the creator’s sense of humour – screw hallmark, all of my cards are now coming from Flytrap!
Also, I’m in a relationship but it’s long-distance and we won’t be together V-Day so I’m eating my weight in cinnamon hearts instead.

72 Clare @ Fitting It All In February 1, 2011 at 3:51 pm

hahah all of those are HYSTERICAL. I love the “i only got you this card so you wouldn’t bitch at me for only writing on your fbook wall”.
Clare @ Fitting It All In´s last post ..Monday Man-Day- The Art of the Male TextMy Profile

73 Nicole February 1, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Totally love:

FRONT I don’t want candy, jewels or a rose, Or fancy cards with romantic prose. All that stuff I can get on my own, There is only one thing I can’t do alone. So pucker up sweetie and give it a go…

INSIDE My pussy can’t lick itself you know!

I’ll be celebrating v-day with my fiance. I think it’s about time we move from mushy cards to something more like this . . .

74 Julia February 1, 2011 at 5:30 pm

I’m in love with the “Every time I look at you I just feel so lucky/that you’ll never leave me because I am so much hotter than you.” My boyfriend makes jokes all the time about how I am out of his league so I think this would make him laugh a lot! Obvs my relationship status is in a heterosexual relationship.

75 Hayley February 1, 2011 at 5:58 pm

“I’m so glad I found you, not Jesus” made me laugh out loud! I love that one.
And I am single. And happy. For now. :)

76 Lauren February 1, 2011 at 6:13 pm

These are ridiculous, and I love the simple graphics on them. My favorite is the list with What I love about you. I am taken by my boyfriend this Valentine’s Day, and it will almost be a year and a half for us by then.
Lauren´s last post ..AddictedMy Profile

77 Mallory February 1, 2011 at 6:22 pm

LOL my favorite (well, one of them) is:

My Love, for the long term, I want to love you, hold you, adore you, please you, take care of you, and make you the happiest person who ever was… For the short term, I just want you to do me.

haha, i would actually say that to my bf too :)

78 Christine February 1, 2011 at 6:40 pm

oh I love these snarky humor cards!! Everything I want to say, just cuter

FRONT Doesn’t fresh coffee smell great in the morning?

INSIDE I wish you did.

79 monica February 1, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Ahhh i love!! My favorite is the little notes, especially the “12 Humorous Miniature Love & Sex Note Cards for Anytime or Valentine’s Day / Smart Little Love Note”.. if we’re being specific haha. This year my boyfriend and I will have been dating for a year and these cards are so “us”… not quite sure how telling that is, but that’s besides the point lol.

80 caitie February 1, 2011 at 7:50 pm

hahah YES. I am the reader that suggested that site. I knew you’d love it bc my sick and twisted mind loved it as well! I deserve a card just for suggesting the site right ;) Awesome that the creator seems so badass too!

But for real, one of my favorites is this:

FRONT My Love, for the long term, I want to love you, hold you, adore you, please you, take care of you, and make you the happiest person who ever was.

INSIDE For the short term, I just want you to do me.

I love love love her cards!!!

81 caitie February 1, 2011 at 7:51 pm

And I am SINGLE!

82 Ashley February 1, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Haha what a funny site! I loved the 30 days of sex journal and my favorite card was
FRONT I love ewe.

INSIDE Not sheep, you perv! It’s a pun. It’s like I said I love YOU, but cuter. I’m pretty cute, aren’t I?

I retweeted you as well :) My relationship status is happily dating Sean for almost 2 years! He hates anything seriously romantic so this would be perfect for his cowboy boots I bought him!
Ashley´s last post ..SNOW-M-GMy Profile

83 Annie February 1, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Bahahahhaha this is great. This is by far my favorite: http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/CSWV007.html
So inappropriate, yet so true…

My relationship status: just started dating someone, still feeling it out, but so far so good!

84 Danielle February 1, 2011 at 10:37 pm

These cards are fantastic! It would take a special person in my life to receive one of these. I especially like the “Fun Sarcastic Birthday or Mother’s Day Greeting Card / Junk Food”
FRONT
Mom, I’d like to thank you for all the Spaghetti-Os and Mac-n-Cheese meals you made me over the years.
INSIDE
I must have really meant a lot to you.

My Mom fed me crap all the time as a kid! I don’t think she would appreciate this sarcastic humor but I know my brother and I would get a chuckle out of this.
My relationship status is “in a relationship” as Facebook would have it. 4th Valentines day together. We don’t celebrate too much for the holiday but I usually like to bake something sweet or wear something not so sweet (if you know what I mean).
Danielle´s last post ..Baked Eggs with ArtichokesMy Profile

85 Holly February 1, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Well, I work in a nursing home, so the “grandparents” card about sharing diapers hits pretty close to home: http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/COCB004.html. HAHAHAH

And this Valentine’s Day, hmmm. Well. Let’s see. I spent Christmas with this guy who I totally thought was my half orange and then he flipped out on Jan 3rd. After we did the whole family Christmas thing. Awesome. So, the two guys I disappeared on when Mr Not-My-Half-Orange wooed me away are now courting me again. I have a date with one of them tomorrow night and the other Friday night. One is mushy, one hates Hallmark. I think I’ll get flowers from the first one and hot sex from the other. What do you think?

Oh, and I’ve been divorced for a year. So I had a Valentine the past 7 years. Love stinks, yeah yeahhhhh
Holly´s last post ..It’s hard starting overMy Profile

86 Michelle @ Give Me the Almond Butter February 1, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Haha that site is TOO funny. I loved a lot of the friendship cards, like I litteraly can not decide on one. My best friend would love me forever.

If I were to win I would love “Will you be my Valentine?/Oops, that’s right. You don’t have a penis.” to send to the best friend. I think we’re both single this Valentines day? Not really sure, she tends to go through men reallll quickly ;)
Michelle @ Give Me the Almond Butter´s last post ..It’s All in the ShoesMy Profile

87 Elena February 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm

I couldn’t stop laughing at the baby cards. “Congrats on your baby! enjoy the poo.” That’s funny stuff. The naughty cards are quite tempting too…

I am in a committed loving relationship. I hope he has the sense to propose soon. And not on V-day. That’s totally cliche. He would FLIP if I gave him the “I love everything about you…/especially your dick” card. I’m sure I say that to him every time we go at it. The Jesus card works too, as does the whoring around card. God, all of them really are awesome

Thank you for your website. and thank you for fly trap. I am in love love love!

88 Sarah @ THE FOODIE DIARIES February 2, 2011 at 12:06 am

So, I really wish I’d conceptualized this biz before Flytrap… brilliant.

Favorite card on the site: http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/CSWV003.html

“Will you be my Valentine?/Oops, that’s right. You don’t have a penis.”

I’m with you on loving Valentine’s Day – but I mostly attribute this to the fact that I’m in a relationship (one that happened to have begun last V-day… I know half lame, half endearing). Twas not so long ago that I detested the holiday – so I’d send this card to one of my still-single besties with whom I used to commiserate (see: girls who eat their feelings) each Feb. 14.

SUCH a fun giveaway!
Sarah @ THE FOODIE DIARIES´s last post ..on a missionMy Profile

89 Sarah @ THE FOODIE DIARIES February 2, 2011 at 12:08 am

Tweeted @FoodieDiaries
@RachelGettingIt and @ShopFlytrap are giving away charmingly perverted Valentine’s Day cards and I want to win! http://wp.me/pVuYy-2we
Sarah @ THE FOODIE DIARIES´s last post ..on a missionMy Profile

90 Katie February 2, 2011 at 12:48 am

I like the card that references spaghetti, sushi, an empty stomach, and liking the person. Yeah food and sex/love, my style. My relationship status right now? Oh lord. Getting interested and “talking” to someone I’ve known for years. A month before he moved to South Korea for a year. But also- talking to someone from my chilhood for a few months and then just met another boy who is training for the olympics? I really need to make up my mind… or just keep playing the field.

91 Jess February 2, 2011 at 3:10 am

This site is amazing! Thanks for sharing! I just started dating someone a few weeks ago so I really like this one:

FRONT Happy Valentine’s Day for a special new person in my life. I’m not sure where this relationship is going…

INSIDE But I hope when we get there, I get laid.

92 Val February 2, 2011 at 10:17 am

Thanks for introducing me to these cards! I love the long term/short term Valentine’s Day card. I’m married with 4 kids ages 9 & under. Foreplay for us is getting the kids to bed early!
Val´s last post ..Slippery SlopeMy Profile

93 Kionda February 2, 2011 at 11:36 am

Ok. I LOVE this site! I’m still browsing around. The coupons are great. I may pick up the Kinky Little Naughty ones. Here are two cards that stand out for me. They’re all fantastic but these made me laugh out loud.

FRONT Bad: Sex, drugs, lobster, driving fast. Good: Ice cream, hot dogs, climbing trees, playing with little kids.
INSIDE Oh, that’s right. You’re not 8 anymore. Reverse the lists.
– and -
FRONT You’re so lucky to have her as your bride!
INSIDE (The front of this card was a lie. She’s crazy, dude. Abort! Abort!)

I’m currently single but ‘seeing’ someone. He’s a great FWB. There should be more cards for that FWB we all know and lust for. ;)

Oh, and I tweeted and Facepimped you both. Thanks for finding this etsy store. I<3 things like this.
Kionda´s last post ..Hello February!My Profile

94 Kim February 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

I had to buy one! I got this one:
“Love isn’t easy…/Fortunately I am.”

It’s totally how I feel about a relationship. You need to recognize that times are going to be tough…and then get it on.

Thanks for the post!

95 Sam February 2, 2011 at 1:27 pm

So adorable. Just have to come here and discreetly type that these cards are exactly how I talk! Bookmarking her page right now. Thanks for the heads up on these adorable cards!
Sam´s last post ..The Great Chicago Blizzard- February 2nd- 2011My Profile

96 Sam February 2, 2011 at 1:27 pm

I also just said “adorable” twice in one sentence…kinda gross. Just go with it!
Sam´s last post ..The Great Chicago Blizzard- February 2nd- 2011My Profile

97 Rachel February 2, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Oh Rachel, yet another reason why I love you so freakin’ much! My fave item in the store is the “Hilarious Naughty Adult Love & Sex or Valentine Greeting Card for Him / What I Love About You”…I just want to check them all : )

I want to win badly because this is my very first V-Day that I’m actually IN A RELATIONSHIP. Yup, you’ve got that right…I’ve been single for 23 damn years and finally found someone I can stand : ) and get all mushy gushy about…oh how good it feels hehe

Yup, I’m usually the girl crying or wearing black on Valentine’s day, but not this year…

I’d love to give him a naughty Valentine’s Day card on our first one together…these are just GREATTTT!!
Rachel´s last post ..Hump Day Lesson of the Day- When NOT to Say “I Love You”My Profile

98 Rachel February 2, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Oh, and I’ve friended you both on FB and twitter, and RTed it, LOVE this contest, you never fail to amuse me : )
Rachel´s last post ..Hump Day Lesson of the Day- When NOT to Say “I Love You”My Profile

99 Jenny February 2, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Love your blog, and your sense of humor! :)

I love the Long Term/Short Term Valentine’s Day card:
http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/CLVS001.html

Definitely my style of humor!

100 Jenny February 2, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I tweeted also! @jenny_naylor

101 Mandy February 2, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Ahaha these cards are perfect. I was looking in the store yesterday at the cards and they’re all terribly romantic and mushy…nothing for couples who don’t take Valentine’s Day too seriously. This Valentine’s Day i actually have a boyfriend (er I guess i have for the past two as well, but we never ended up doing anything/not serious enough of a relationship) and he made plans for us, and though I’m not a huge V-Day person I think it’s pretty sweet.

But as I said i was looking at cards earlier and there is nothing in the stores that I could stand giving someone. However this website is awesome. I love the “You’re a triple threat. Looks, brains, and a great sense of humor…. Too bad you’re not a gazillionaire” one.

102 Christa February 2, 2011 at 4:10 pm

LOOOOOOOVE this site (and yours of course!) I texted my gf (platonic gf, i like boys and their toys A LOT thank you very much…and apparently i also love to put things in parentheses…excuse me i just discovered this about myself. Haha!!) Anyways, I texted her the name of the site and we have been sending each other random cards all day. If I had to pick one card I would go with: OUTSIDE–Birds do it, Bees do it. INSIDE–Let’s eat half our weight and scour the countryside for quickies. Freaking Hysterical (cause although I am a small girl i can put down some chow; and really who doesnt love a good quickie…or several).
My status this Valentine’s day will be: “Stop asking me why I’m single…if it mattered to me I might do something about it”. I recently ended what i like to call “a crazy f-ed up dysfunctional friends with benefits relationship” (don’t count/judge me for that secret hookup last weekend), and it has made me IMMENSELY HAPPIER with my life (and caused me to stumble upon your fabulous little blog. Thank you for putting in black and white what is usually stuck in my head). Single and LOVING it…but pretty easy :)

103 Sarah February 2, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Love Flytrap. Love your blog even more. It’s what get’s me through my mornings when I’m up at dark o’ clock in the morn to (wo)man the phones at work for the East Coasters that may or may not call… So you’re officially FB’d by me.

Mushy cards are not my thing. These are right up my alley. How fun would it be to work there??!! The p*ssy that doesn’t lick itself card is the one that got me. Hilfreakinlarious.

Will be celebrating my 2nd Vday with my fella… He’s the sentimental type. I ain’t. Funny how that works.

104 maria February 2, 2011 at 5:31 pm

HAHA! i just bought all the cards i can imagine using in the next few months….including the “happy birthday my sweet…now do me” and the “i love you ewe” cards for my man. HILARIOUS. thanks for pointing out an awesome site!

105 Kitty February 2, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Wow, it’s so hard to pick a favorite item! :p But, I like the Gratitude Journal a lot. That is something I need to practice more.

My husband decided he wanted to celebrate V-Day on the 6th this year. That is, until he remembered the god damn Super Bowl is the same day.

Guess what we’re doing now. :p

106 Liz February 2, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Oh my God, these are too “us.” I’m engaged this Valentine’s Day. For the third V-day in a row (to the same guy! We’re just slow!).

I would totally get him:
http://www.shopflytrap.com/ecom-prodshow/CLVS001.html

THAT ONE.

107 Kia February 3, 2011 at 10:20 am

This was one of my favorites…
FRONT Congratulations on becoming a grandparent.

INSIDE Now you have someone to share diapers with!

I am single…sort of.

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