Lesson #69: On Valentine’s Day

by Rachel on February 15, 2011

Oh, you guys.

My first Valentine’s Day as part of a couple was…something.

The following lesson wasn’t fun to learn, but if sharing it here will keep you from telling your boyfriend to fuck off in public, then maybe this weekend wasn’t a total loss.

Now, since this is “The Life & Lessons of Rachel Wilkerson” and not “The Life & Lessons of Rachel Wilkerson’s Boyfriend,” I’m only going to share the lessons I learned this weekend. I’m sure Eric learned a few things too, but that’s not my story to tell, so I’m leaving most of the (very long) back story out of this. He and I are both in agreement that I had every right to be upset (believe me when I say that even though I didn’t want to, I gave him a list that was beyond comprehensive) so I don’t really want to re-hash the why; the real lesson here is about how to handle your feelings, even if they are justified.

Lesson #69: What happens on your first Valentine’s Day together is not a dealbreaker.

It’s OK to make mistakes on the first one.

I try really hard not to be That Girlfriend, which is why I don’t like to fight. So even when I know I’m justified in my feelings, I don’t always do something about it. The problem here is that for me, it’s a fine line between not being That Girlfriend and just being a doormat. In an effort to be open-minded, loving, fair, supportive, and not ridiculous, I sometimes forget that I need to say something when something is bothering me.

This weekend? I forgot that, and instead convinced myself that I could avoid a fight, even though I was getting more and more upset as the weekend went on. So in an effort to not be That Girlfriend, I vacillated between really enjoying spending time with Eric and getting pissed off because I felt like he hadn’t listened to me when I’d told him what was important to me.

But I don’t do very well with hiding my feelings. When I’m hurt and trying to hide it, I look like a little kid who has to pee — they twist and turn in this very clear dance, but keep insisting they don’t have to go.

Which is why I pretty much had an accident during dinner.

Sunday night, we were out to eat and things were sort of awkward and tense, but mostly fine. Trying to make conversation, I brought up the topic of what I should write my Monday blog post about.

“I have pictures of some cupcakes,” I said. “So I just need something to go with the cupcake. I might just do like a romantic excerpt or something sappy like that.”

He nodded. “You should put a picture of a love note with it.”

“A love note?” I said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Girls fucking love that shit.”

He was kidding, of course, but if I was the little kid who had to pee, he had basically just turned on the faucet full blast.

“Right,” I said. “They do. Girls do like romantic things like that.”

Eric and I are sarcastic and/or joking pretty much all the time, making dramatic declarations over the littlest things, but now were were using this weird tone that was somewhere between kidding and not kidding, a hard-to-read blend of being dramatic for effect and and actually being serious.

“Yeah,” he said. “So you can like have the picture of the love note — ”

“What love note? What love note are you talking about? I don’t have a love note!”

” — and have it sort of blurry in the background with a close-up on the words — ”

“No, I get it,” I said. “I understand basic photography. But I don’t have a note to use for this picture. So what, I’m just like, supposed to make up a fake note to use?”

“OK, fine,” he said, rolling his eyes and sighing overdramatically. “I’ll write you a stupid love note –”

“FUCK YOU.”

Despite my kinda-kidding tone, I had a hard time backpedaling on that one.

Yet somehow, I continued to do my pee-pee dance of “I’m fine” for the rest of the night and the next morning, even when Eric apologized and tried to talk about it. Then, after holding it all day on Monday — which is exhausting, by the way — I wet myself again, this time via e-mail, when Eric asked me how my day was going. Immediately after this very-upset golden shower, I left the meeting I’d been in for the past hour and found the flowers and chocolate at my desk — which Eric assumed (correctly) had been delivered when I sent my e-mail.

So despite the fact that I’d been justified in being upset, I chose not to risk being That Girlfriend, and, as a result, ended up being The Worst Girlfriend on the Planet.

The fact is, there are just certain lessons we have to learn the hard way.

How was your Valentine’s Day? Any terrible disappointments? Amazing surprises? First-timer mishaps? Please share! Good or bad, let’s hear it.

{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Natalie @ Scarlett Notions February 15, 2011 at 11:57 am

Ugh, our decision of a “low key” Valentine’s Day included Him playing computer games until 2am. Wow. Romantic.

Reply

2 Elisabeth February 15, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Sounds familiar… We decided to do a budget/stay-in night… He went over budget on the gift, and in his mind that got him off the hook for cuddling or romance?? At least that’s the best explanation I can give. Oh boys.

Reply

3 Caitlin February 15, 2011 at 11:59 am

At least there wasn’t a pink mohawk and a raspy cough.

I mean, things could ALWAYS get worse.

And I totally know what you mean by that kind of joking not really tense feel in the conversation. I find myself there every now and then and it is NOT pretty. Pretty awkward? Yes. But otherwise, no.

And someday I will find a use for that cupcakes photo to be in my house. Freaking amazing (sans love note.)

Glad the fight is over.

Reply

4 Dori February 15, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Oh man. I’m feeling a little bad for the advice I gave on Twitter. It is hard for me to really understand how you were feeling since I just don’t care about Valentine’s Day at all. I am glad that everything worked out and I am sure you and Eric will be stronger as a result, since you both learned things. And the cupcake looks amazing.

Reply

5 Becca February 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Eek…. a lesson learned though!!!

My vday was non-exicitng and chill… just as I wanted it!

Reply

6 Carolyn @ Lovin' Losing February 15, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Oh, Lord. Thank you for this post. I am just about to rat myself out on my blog for being the WORST WIFE EVER! Despite the fact that I do feel I was somewhat justified, I still think I was a complete bitch last night. I hate Valentine’s Day because I always feel like a bitch by the end of the night. And we’ve been together 10 years. If you want to feel better about your night…stop by my blog in an hour or so when I’m done confessing my sins.

Reply

7 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Can’t wait to read!

Reply

8 Carolyn @ Lovin' Losing February 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm

It’s up!

Reply

9 Jennifer February 15, 2011 at 12:12 pm

This is so me! I often keep things inside for the fear of being “That Girl.” Luckily I didn’t have to worry about that this weekend. My BF surprised me with a “fake” dinner of canned green beans and BBQ, then said “Just kidding!” and took me out to a really nice dinner, complete with 2 dozen red roses and a box of chocolates. So, so sweet! I’m happy that he’s a romantic because I soooooo am. I don’t love that I’m “That Girl” who’s so mushy over Valentine’s Day, but I can’t help it!!

Reply

10 Wilson February 15, 2011 at 12:28 pm

It almost sounds like he was playing dense like it was a game. One of my friends has a boyfriend like that and it just comes off dickish even if they think they are being clever (withholding a present on her birthday until like 11 PM and acting all day like he had forgotten).

One of the things that I learned in a previous relationship was that we were giving each other gifts that we wanted to receive, not what the other person wanted. As a result I was getting these long and thoughtful notes and she was getting stuff I thought she would like. I was pretty young, like 19 or 20, so I was just figuring things out then, but your significant other should be doing nothing but trying to make you happy on holidays like this.

Reply

11 Kaytee February 15, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Oh my god. girl. Kyle is at training (STILL) and we didn’t get to spend our first Valentine’s Day together, which was mostly fine. I honestly haven’t been upset about it. Until yesterday. I saw flowers and chocolates at work and got jealous. And ugh the Facebook statuses. I decided if my darling boyfriend did not plan ahead and have something sent to me, he was going to pay. Literally. I was going to buy myself a gift with his credit card. I called my mom and asked if I had received any mail. She said “No, I’m sorry” and I cried the whole way home. I was half furious & half disappointed.

Then I realized I was the biggest jerk in the world. I had red roses waiting for me when I got home. Mom thought it would be better if I was surprised (THANKS A LOT, MOM) and not long after that, a Mrs. Fields cookie cake arrived too. I’m really glad that Kyle will probably never know that I doubted his ability to make the day special even though he’s gone. Plus, I felt really superficial. I don’t know why I was so horrible about everything because he has always been so thoughtful, so I had no reason to be worried. Just my own stupid hang ups, I guess.

Reply

12 Manon February 15, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I fell asleep watching “The Other Guys”, woke up, popped a vicodin, and went back to sleep. I really need to slow down my life :)

Reply

13 Jess February 15, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Keep in mind this is the first Valentine’s Day you spent together and men (read:boys) are always in training; they need help, direction and to be told, clearly, when they’re being asshats. It’s definitely a struggle for me to not be that wife or be a doormat, but I know where the line is between “what he did made me feel he doesn’t care, listen, etc” or “He’s just dumb and I should cut him slack.” But seriously, that took time. As in we’ve been together over 10 years and still sometimes struggle. Hang in there, he sounds like he’s worth it to you.

Reply

14 kelly February 15, 2011 at 1:07 pm

ugh, what a weekend this was or wasn’t. i found myself saying WWRWD? While trying to be a responsible adult, dignified fiancee, and not become that chick, I found myself getting frustrated and more and more upset. Random weekend blow-ups and other miscellaneous events, have contributed to some tense moments in our house lately. After some back and forth, we compromised that gift-giving would wait until this upcoming weekend as long as cards could be given on Monday. I wasn’t completely thrilled with that plan but I wasn’t completely thrilled with that plan but that’s the spirit of compromise, right? Channeling RW and not being that girl. Monday rolls around, nothing in the morning, no hug, no kiss, no nothing. No wait, I lie, the dog presented me with what I can only assume was her version of a Kandinsky, which was thrilling to have to clean up. She’s old so I forgive her. Needless to say, the morning did not start off well. Cue epic fight. Late afternoon he texts me about a restaurant for Friday’s post-V-day celebration….ok things are getting better. Post-work, card in hand I’m waiting for the beloved to come home. He arrives and out of the corner of my eye I spot a white rose in his bag. An ode to our friendship and an apology I love you gift rolled into one, signaling the fact that he didn’t forget? I’m not sure so I wait for his lead. Dinnertime and his bag is in my seat. NBD, I casually ask if he wants to move his bag. He gets up to move it and pulls out the rose, I’m now getting a bit excited, and he proceeds to tell me how he received it from one of his students for being a great teacher. My face falls, he notices, and meekly asks if I have a card because he forgot to get one. Now, I’m all for saving money but getting your card a day late at an astronomically low price because you forgot is just not one of the tips I would offer a budding frugalista. So, there we are, dinner on the table, me with a card and him with nothing. I’ve officially stopped channeling my WWRWD and stomp upstairs to cry. Yes, of course, he apologized and assured me it would never happen again saying he didn’t realize how important the day was to me but, hmpfh, what a day it wasn’t! (rant: really he didn’t know? every year my dad sends me conversation hearts–I can set my watch to that fact. This year, my mom, who is currently in New Zealand, asked my grandmother to send out my Valentine’s Day card to ensure I wouldn’t have to wait until she returned….after so many years together, I think he now finally ‘gets it.’)

Reply

15 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 10:56 pm

1. I love WWRWD!
2. Well, I guess you pretty much did WRWWD because yeah…yeah this was just really strangely similar to what happened here!!

Reply

16 Jacki February 15, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Ouch. But I agree, your first Valentine’s Day together doesn’t have to be a make or break event. It’s a learning process! It’s like anything else in a relationship. You figure each other out over time and through experiences like this.

I really lucked out this Valentine’s Day. I just started seeing someone (a long time friend) and he totally surprised me by showing up with a card and beautiful bouquet on my doorstep yesterday morning before work. Actually, around the time I started reading your blog I also read the half-orange book and as this was happening, this long time friend came back into my life in a very unexpected way and we started talking every day and eventually started hanging out and, well, I don’t want to prematurely assign any citrusy labels to anyone, but nothing would surprise me at this point!

Reply

17 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Aww..that is wonderful!

Reply

18 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Never fear. My ex-BF and I got into a HUGE fight on our first Valentines together (also my first valentines day in a couple). First, he got me a silver/diamond heart necklace (great, you’d think) but it was heinous. Like, not even my mom would wear it (and my mom has no fashion sense at all). And it came in this cheap ass “box” that made me think he got it from Amazon.com (which he later admitted he did). I mean, WOOF, it was ugly. And amazon.com for jewelry? Really, sir? He didn’t get me flowers, which granted is not monetarily significant but I REALLY wanted flowers and it seemed so obvious to me. His card was nice, though. I had told him to plan where to go to dinner, and he chose the same place I had picked out to take him to dinner for his birthday a mere month ago. It’s a very nice place, but seriously, where’s the originality?! We live in Chicago for Christ’s sake, there’s quite a few options! Then he was wearing a zip-up with a marijuana leaf design on it (so classy), and I asked him to take it off since we were going to a freakin’ nice ass steak/wine dinner. He refused. It was downhill from there. I also got a fever that night. We almost broke up the next day (clearly, eventually we did break up but in the end it had nothing to do with the V-Day Debacle). Basically, I was being a bit of a B but how can you not have all these high expectations on Valentine’s Day? There’s so much pressure, and that’s what I feel makes it prone to go wrong. If you are excited for it, there’s almost no way it can live up to your expectations. Hence why I think playing it down is a great idea. Long story over, but main message: don’t sweat it! We’ve all been there :)

Reply

19 Jessica February 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm

haha, so glad it wasn’t just me!

Me: “No, no, it is TOTALLY fine if you want to go to a bar to hang out with your friends that don’t really like me”

Him: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I don’t even like Valentines day!”

Him: “Are you absolutly SURE?”

Me: “Totally, it is fine”

Him: “I’ll only stay for a 1/2 hour and then come home and make us dinner”

Me: “Please don’t go!”

Him: “But… you just said… okay…”

Me: Eyes Watering – “I don’t want to be THAT girlfriend”

Him: “Ah, you want me to WANT to stay”

Me: “Love you!”

This is our second Valentines day together and I am still trying not to be THAT girl friend and he is still trying to figure out how to be THAT boyfriend.

Reply

20 Ashley February 15, 2011 at 1:49 pm

No worries I startrd crying because Sean didnt want to go out to dinner or do anything fun to celebrate and then he decides to hand me the tiffanys box! We all do it!

Reply

21 Abelle February 15, 2011 at 1:52 pm

This was my first V-day alone in two years, and honestly, I kept forgetting what day it was until someone reminded me. I’ve never been crazy big about the holiday (but not angry and bitter about it or anything), so combined with having absolutely no expectations for it this year, I just really didn’t care too much. :P

I’m sorry you had a less-than-stellar day, but hey, that’s what make-up dates are for!

Reply

22 Jordan February 15, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Oh god, I’m sorry. Our Valentine’s Day weekend was awful, too. I just wrote a big post about it but basically, we tried to have a repeat of last year’s (our first) Vday, which was perfect, and it completely backfired due to about four hundred cheerleaders. (I wish I was kidding.)

Reply

23 (the original) Elisabeth February 15, 2011 at 2:24 pm

So…Valentine’s Day was more important to me when Rick and I had just started out…and less important to him. I think he felt pressured, and as if I was testing him and his potential as a long-term relationship. He apparently hated that feeling, because we didn’t really do anything special for Valentine’s Day ever…until this year. We’re married.

He actually planned (planned…I said PLANNED…never happens) a surprise dinner out. He bought me an adorable pair of Miz Mooz boots (my fave brand) that he PICKED OUT HIMSELF. He also went to the mall (miracle of all miracles), and bought me Godiva truffles that are to die for, and got me some other brick of delicious oreo/white chocolate. Then, he took me out to a wonderful, poorly-lit dinner at a restaurant which served me sushi AND lobster in the same meal. With cotton candy for dessert. I mean seriously…could he have planned this any better?

I asked him on the way home what made him decide to plan something this year for a change on Valentine’s Day. His answer: “you’ve earned it”.

Valentine’s Day is bullshit–everyone knows that. Sometimes you have to put aside your idea of what Valentine’s Day is “supposed” to be like, and just let it unfold on it’s own. I am not implying that I never dished him out a fair dose of sarcasm for not doing anything special for Valentine’s Day during the previous 3 years when he had an opportunity, but I never valued our relationship or his love on whether or not he planned anything special for Valentine’s Day. Of course we want to be treated to special gestures and everything, but it’s important to be secure in the way that he feels about you without all of the mushy-gushy love note stuff.

Reply

24 Alli February 15, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Oh man, now I feel bad saying I actually had a pretty good Valentine’s Day…my bf spent Sunday (while I was at brunch with friends) cleaning the entire apartment top to bottom — a HUGE deal, because he’s not a cleaner — and then last night we bought 2 dozen oysters and 2 bottles of champagne and taught ourselves how to shuck lol. Not “romantic,” but our idea of a good time!

Reply

25 Theresa Sondjo February 15, 2011 at 3:20 pm

OK so here’s the thing.

1) My husband cannot read my mind. No matter how much I cry and I pout and I give him the silent treatment, he has no idea what I want.

2) My husband is from a wildly different culture, with wildly different ideas about “what women want,” “being romantic,” and “how to make Valentine’s Day great”.

3) I have no shame what-so-ever.

1 + 2 + 3 =

Me: Sweetheart, what do you want to do for Valentine’s Day?
Husband: I know this is a trap and I’m too smart to fall for it. That’s why you love me. What do YOU want to do?
Me: No, really, I want YOU to plan it this year. *batters eyes, looks sexy*
Husband: Please tell me what you want so that you don’t end up crying.
Me: I a surprise!
Husband: Given the choice between a surprise that makes you cry and a not-surprise that doesn’t, which do you prefer?
Me: I want pizza, wine, a movie, lots of cuddling, and don’t forget the flowers.
Sweetheart: Great. Let’s do pizza, wine, a movie, lots of cuddling, and I’ll buy you some flowers.
Me: <3 <3 ,3

Fuck not being That Girl. I get what I want!

Reply

26 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 10:49 pm

haha, the thing is…I did that! Made a list! Didn’t expect a surprise!! Said what would make for a perfect Valentine’s Day!!! And yet…

Reply

27 Your Elder Hooker February 15, 2011 at 3:22 pm

This is why Arbor Day is the best day to celebrate :)

So you guess have learned some lessons, still love one another & really any day can be Valentines Day. While I know you wouldn’t wish to repeat said events, it’s life & it goes on. Remember that romance comes in many forms and sometimes the most spontaneous times are the most romantic.

– Your Elder Hooker

Reply

28 Maggie February 15, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I kinda bungled mine, too! Also, most likely from just not saying what I wanted out loud and instead just weeping about it in my head.
I’m so glad that you got a red rose and chocolate delivery at work, though. You can’t go wrong with classic.
Now that you’ve gotten through the first one together, next year’s will be even better.

Reply

29 B. February 15, 2011 at 3:31 pm

We woke up extraordinarily hungover. I forgot it was V-Day. I said, “After class, want me to come back over?” He looked a little dejected and said, “I thought that was the plan….” Remembering suddenly it was Valentine’s Day, I said, “OH! Right! It’s V-Day! Happy Valentine’s, Valentine, I love you…” (gulp) I then went to class feeling like such hungover crap that it hurt to walk, and spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of a good gift to get him. He knows I’m broke right now, so I didn’t *really* think he’d get me a present, especially because we’re not into the whole conventional thing, but then again, he got me a fabulous present last year…Still, I just thought we’d have some chocolates later on. I decided at the end of my last class to get some bruschetta from Jay’s, which we’ve been meaning to go to but it’s been so cold, so that was a cute surprise. Then I called and ordered his favorite pizza and paid in advance over the phone, and picked up a white chocolate raspberry gelato from the grocery store that was quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life. Walked in the door and tried to make a production out of my provisions, but sure enough, I had two sets of chocolates and a Victoria’s Secret gift card waiting for me. He’s wonderful in every way, and made a big deal of my food gestures as though they were presents, which they kinda were. Right? Once I get my taxes back, I’m going to buy him a wine pump gadget that we’ve had our eyes on.

I think I’m the worst girlfriend ever, too, Rach. Not to worry, it happens.

Reply

30 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 4:02 pm

After a bitter “break-up” last Thursday with a guy I’ve been seeing, I sent back his things to Michigan in an empty box. Feeling better, I opened up my mailbox yesterday to find a Valentines Day card from him apologizing. (He obviously hadn’t received the box yet). I started to tear up reading the long, sappy, apology only to turn to the front of the card. It was addressed to “Rachael”…he couldn’t even remember to spell my name right.

Love from one pissed off Rachel to another.

Reply

31 Laura Martin February 15, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Why can’t boys just read our minds? My bf and I go back and forth each year between not celebrating V-day and celebrating. So this year about two weeks before I told him “let’s just do something special for each other no presents” which to me means we each PLAN something in advance to surprise the other. But of course I didn’t say that. My plan was to make him a super complicated Indian dish that is his favorite which is a big deal because I have never attempted to make Indian food before. I show up Sat with all my ingredients in tow and casually ask him if we need to designate time to do his plan for V-day. He looks all sheepish and is like you know whenever… and I realize that he has NO plan. I call him out. He admits that he didn’t realize that we were each making a plan and figured we would just spend a nice day together and he also just kind of forgot to plan something because he was out of town the whole week before. So off course I flip out, get all “you don’t care about me and I even am going to make homemade cheese for you”. It all worked out ok for me, he later “remembered his plan” and went out to the store and came back with 20 roses and bath salts and made up a romantic bath with candles and some of the rose petals for us later that night. I was pissed that he kind of forgot, but I eventually realized that he does romantic things all of the time and V-day isn’t the ONLY day to show someone you love them. Also sometimes it’s ok to be ‘that girl” and just say what you mean if that means a lot less fighting later.

Reply

32 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Oh lord. I would have been pissed too.

But honestly, they can’t read our minds, and sometimes, they can’t read our lists either. We had a plan. You guys had a plan. Sometimes, the execution just seems damn near impossible.

Reply

33 Stephanie February 15, 2011 at 4:44 pm

I wrote about my Vday 5 years ago. Nothing could be worse/better than that night so each Love Day I just love. :)

Reply

34 Klh February 15, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I love your honesty!

Reply

35 Bridget@PavementandPlants February 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Trying not to be That Girlfriend can often become the doormat. My god is it a fine line. I feel ya

Reply

36 Christie February 15, 2011 at 5:51 pm

aww Rachel. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) fights with their SO. No matter how perfect or half-orange like they are. Swear to God.

The key to remember is Be Polite. This really should be a rule. You have said your piece, you have stated your feelings and you have argued about it. Whether or not you are still fuming about it, well, now you have to do the “adult thing” (sucks, I know) and just Be Polite. Best advice my mother ever gave me. There are times you will want to stick a fork in his head, but really, you should just smile and pass the gravy boat :)

Reply

37 Angela February 15, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Hugs my friend. However, all of your euphemisms for peeing made me have to pee.

Seriously, we live and learn, and you are ALWAYS allowed to say what you feel and what you need.

Reply

38 Stephanie @ LoveLaughterLight February 15, 2011 at 6:44 pm

I baked a batch of cookies and watched a lot of TV. I did my laundry and started reading the book, “Fuck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way.” Then I started journaling about the asshat that’s been leading me on and what an idiot I’ve been for letting him.

Another classic Valentine’s Day, indeed!

Reply

39 Amanda February 15, 2011 at 8:34 pm

I’m sharing this post on my blog. Freaking love it. My first Valentine’s as a couple with my boyfriend (now husband) was so similar! It was a good lesson learned!

Reply

40 chandra February 15, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Sorry to hear your V-day/v-day weekend wasn’t amazing, but I’m sure next year’s will be. :)

I actually received flowers this year… from a guy who hasn’t actually met me yet. We’ve briefly chatted via Facebook, but that’s it. I never even got flowers from past BOYFRIENDS on Valentine’s Day before so this was shocking to me. He sent them to the gym I teach at, when I hadn’t told him what days or times I teach… he did some research for that one. At first I was creeped out , but now I think we might end up out on a date in the near future. :)

Reply

41 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Ummm that’s kind of awesome!

Reply

42 Sarah February 15, 2011 at 10:15 pm

I am sorry about your Valentine’s Day/Weekend.

Can I just say that I think it is really messed up that he chose to watch a basketball game rather than planning something with you for that night. There is this little invention called tivo or dvr… or the internet… I don’t know if he’s heard of it but it seriously its meant to be used in situations like these! My fiance is seriously devoted to our college team in football and basketball and really just professional sports in general but he would never choose a game over a holiday that means so much to me regardless of how ‘commercialized’ and ‘mass produced’ or ‘created by hallmark, hershey, and flowers’. I just think thats bullshit. I feel like if he had just chosen you over sports this entire argument could’ve been avoided.

My Valentine’s Day went like this — we went out to a really nice dinner on sunday night which consisted of multiple foodgasms. On Valentine’s Day we went and saw Sixteen Candles at the movie theater for one of those special showings. He sent flowers to my work and surprised me with tickets for a show.

Tell Eric that your anniversary/birthday/whatever the next holiday is better be one for the books and in a good way!

Reply

43 Rachel February 15, 2011 at 10:43 pm

You know, frankly, the basketball thing wasn’t that big of a deal to me. Eric never tried to say that my love for Valentine’s Day was dumb or that it was a Hallmark holiday or anything like that. He didn’t make me feel bad at all for wanting to celebrate. And I look at his love for college sports just like I want him to look at my love for Valentine’s Day — it’s something that we don’t understand or necessarily feel the same enthusiasm for, but we try to just let each other have our passions because they are really quite lovable when you think about it. (Everyone has their thing, right?) Like I said, I don’t want to get into everything that upset me so much about the weekend, but I can honestly say it didn’t have anything to do with what day we were celebrating. But in any case, I have no worries that the next occasion will be totally great!

And glad your guy planned such a great day for you! That sounds really fun!!

Reply

44 sarah February 16, 2011 at 8:58 am

Right, and I definitely see your point about us all having our passions. And they really are loveable.

I took his sarcasm about the love note to go along with the photo as him being a slight valentines hater and one who considers it a hallmark holiday. Then I remembered the basketball thing and then I got defensive. And I also re-read my note and thought it sounded super bitchy which was not the intent – just frustrated. Because I read your blog all the time and you have expectations for this holiday and ughhh I am sorry.

Reply

45 Rachel February 16, 2011 at 9:01 am

Oh, it’s OK! I could see how you read it like that. And THANK YOU for you coming to my defense and seeing why I was upset, because you realize how much I care about Valentine’s Day! I really do appreciate it!

Reply

46 Jodi Chick February 15, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Ugh, V-day was a V-don’t at our house. I used to have this amazingly romantic bf who V-Days past had given me my darling rescue pup, a treasure hunt where I found one of my favourite things at one of my favourite places with each clue and (no joke) an authentic crystal replica of Cinderella’s glass slipper. I came home last night to find that he had eaten dinner without me (and only cooked enough for himself), he was watching Wrath of the Titans, had gotten me no card or no gift and didn’t even give me a hug or kiss as a Thank you for HIS thoughtful gift. Then he played Call of Duty until 1 am. I don’t really care about the gift, but NOTHING? UGH. Happy Valentines Day to me – and to you Racheal – and to EVERYONE who got short changed this V-Day!

Reply

47 Whitney February 16, 2011 at 6:07 am

I think when you are in love (new) the first vday has a lot of high hopes, but it’s still a new love, there are things to learn. I definitely think they need help that first year but also a clear sign that if you are going to help you it’s a one time thing and better not happen again the next year.

My first vday with my ex was exactly that way. What he did not realize, however, is that the following year, when I had to BEG for flowers, that the “deal was sealed”. Ended up breaking up with him a few months later.

This Vday, however, was very different. Despite being “single” I was reunited with a coworker and (at least for me) the sparks are flying.

Reply

48 Margot February 16, 2011 at 8:15 am

Reading this was pretty freaky, kind of like reading a story about myself. My boyfriend and I had a pretty similar fight, but instead of getting to the FUCK YOU, we broke up (after two years of dating). Maybe we shouldn’t have arguments after I have been traveling/in airports for 24 hours…

Reply

49 Natasha February 16, 2011 at 11:24 am

My first Vday with a boyfriend was my junior year in high school. He took me to Taco Bell. And made the mistake of bringing along one of his friends who happened to have a crush on me. Needless to say, I was a little pissed about the Taco Bell date (though I do love me some crunchwrap supreme) and ended up flirting with the friend. Me and the boyfriend broke up and I went on to date the friend for over a year. We’re all friends now so it’s funny..but Taco Bell…really?!

Reply

50 Caitlin (EatFeats) February 16, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Ugh, it sometimes burns me up inside when my boyfriend uses the sarcastic “Girls love that stuff” line. Yeah, no kidding, women like when their boyfriends act like gentlemen! But most of the time I think it is funny, so I understand why he is confused when I react poorly.

The first Valentine’s Day my boyfriend and I spent together was fun in many ways, but so disastrous in one way that I went home to my dorm room and cried. I also held it inside for about four years until I one day couldn’t take it anymore and confessed to him (is it a confession if you are yelling?) my long-held hurt. So, yeah, I feel ya.

Reply

51 Lauren at KeepItSweet February 17, 2011 at 7:25 am

Aw, we all have those moments! That will probably happen again, too. When my husband sent flowers to my office I yelled at him. Figures.

Reply

52 Jen @ keepitsimplefoods February 18, 2011 at 11:27 am

You weren’t bad at all. Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t have ripped his head from his body in public without even thinking about trying to avoid being “that girlfriend.” So, you’re cool.

Reply

53 Lisa February 18, 2011 at 4:32 pm

That is so funny.
I hate V-Day. As a single girl I HATED it. It was depressing. It was like not being part of the “cool club” in school. Being in a relationship for V-day isn’t much better though.

I sincerely do not like Vday and it gives me a bad taste in my mouth honestly. The bf and I have been together 3 years and the only thing we do is exchange cards. I totally am ok with that.

But the stupid, romantic GIRL part of me (like 10% of me) was secretly hoping that he’d do something romantic and grand and when he didn’t–and didn’t even get me a card (there were valid reasons he wasn’t able to) I was not so secretly pissed.

So yeah. Valentine’s Day sucked this year. And I was sick too. :)

Reply

54 lisa February 15, 2013 at 1:35 am

My boyfriend took me to Taco Bell this yr…. and then didn’t even want to have some “romantic time” when we got home…what!?

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: