Owning It: Why I Can’t Get it Up for the Royal Wedding

by Rachel on April 28, 2011

Last Friday morning, Eric hit the snooze at 6:45 and we were laying in bed around 6:53 when I suddenly leapt out of bed, flung off my sleep mask, and started running toward the living room with my arms flailing, shouting in the same tone Lloyd Christmas uses when he shouts “We’ve landed on the moon!” in “Dumb and Dumber.”

I'm missing the royal wedding!!!!

I had taken about three steps when Eric threw my sleep mask at me and told me to get a life.

If I actually cared enough about the royal wedding to fling myself out of bed like that, I would have known that it was actually happening Friday, April 29, not April 22.

Here’s the thing: I want to be excited for the royal wedding. The fact that I’m not excited makes me question whether or not I still have two X chromosomes. Every young woman seems to be pumped about this. I like the things most young women like. I like London. I love weddings. I think Kate Middleton is gorgeous and William is adorable in that he’s-losing-his-hair-but-he’s-still-cute-cause-he-seems-so-nice sort of way.

So why can’t I get it up?

Every day on “The Today Show” I see more coverage of the pre-wedding events and I want to be excited. I actually feel quite like Jacob in the book version of Water for Elephants when two prostitutes are trying to bang him and he’s too drunk to get it up…he’s trying and they’re trying and then suddenly he just pukes all over them.

Tomorrow night, I’d rather have a perfect Friday night reading wedding blogs, getting teary over the wedding of two complete strangers with a $5,000 budget than flip on the DVR to watch the wedding of the century.

Like…how am I not excited for this?

Well…

1. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to be very fun Part of the reason I love wedding blogs is because in every real wedding they feature, the bride, groom, and attendees always look like they are having a ton of crazy fun. Even the traditional weddings have a sense of play and whimsy. While I’m sure Kate and William are a very fun, real couple, I wonder if they will be allowed to have a fun, real wedding. Maybe it’s because Charles and Diana’s wedding is my only point of reference, but that wedding just seemed so sterile to me. Everyone thought it was perfect, but there was no personality. I’m worried this wedding is going to be the same way. Everyone is calling it a modern-day fairy tale…but where is the fun in that? “The Today Show” reported yesterday that the palace is all distressed over the “mirrored balls” at the wedding after-party that the bride’s sister was throwing. Like…we can’t have disco balls? SERIOUSLY??? Talk about a boner killer…jeez.

2. Big weddings stress me out. Unlike many young women, I’m not watching this and thinking “I wish I could have a wedding like that!” Because this sort of wedding? Sends me running for anti-anxiety meds. And even though I won’t be the one on display, the thought of that many people watching an event that is supposed to be intimate and special really bothers me. I wish they could have said, “You know what? We love you, world, but we’re doing this in front of family and close friends. You can watch the highlights via the perfectly edited and scored wedding video later. And all you foreign dignitaries…we’ll see you at the two receptions!” But an abbey packed with 1,900 people, many of whom you’ve never met, is about as intimate as a gang bang.

3. Big weddings + a media circus really stress me out. I don’t know how this will play out on TV, but I can’t get images of Trista and Ryan’s $4 million “Bachelorette” wedding back in 2003 out of my head. Televising that wedding ruined it. And the TV version of Charles and Diana’s wedding wasn’t exactly romantic. I really hope that in the past few years they’ve come up with a better way to broadcast this type of event. Even if they have, they can’t really do anything about the people already camped out in sleeping bags just waiting to get a glimpse of the couple passing by. A high-budget, high-class wedding? Good. People treating it like American Idol auditions? Bad.

3. It’s kind of a joke. I mean, all the ridiculous merchandising surrounding the wedding is turning it into a joke. iPhone skins? Really??? Now, OK, the royal wedding condoms are probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time…but that is a joke. Much like the royal wedding c*ck ring. (Right? It comes with vows. It has to be a joke.) I don’t think some guy woke up and said, “You know what? I’m going to make a profit off of this wedding by selling royal condoms!” But I feel like the iPhone skins people did. And I think Papa John’s probably realized that this was a pretty smart publicity stunt.

A really creepy kind of awesome publicity stunt.

4. I despise speculation. There has been so much news coverage of the wedding, but the thing is…at this point, there is very little to actually cover! I mean, what we know (where, when, how, bridal party, royal wedding history, traditions, security, etc.) was reported pretty quickly. I understand some coverage this week but since we don’t really know anything, we now have to listen to hours of speculation on what might happen. I don’t want some British wedding expert telling me what she thinks Kate will wear. I don’t want three British wedding experts arguing about what she should wear.

And now I think they’ve exhausted speculation too. How else can you explain the following segment on “The Today Show” yesterday? They showed a picture of Kate driving herself to some pre-wedding thang and I thought, “Wow…that’s cool that she actually gets to drive herself!” But then reporter said, “How do people feel about the fact that her hair is in a ponytail in that picture?” And then the British expert said, “Well, Kate has such gorgeous, long cascading locks, so we all wish she’d wear her hair down more and I do think she’ll need to start…” and I was just like, “Wait…what?” I mean, really, Ms. Reporter, as a blogger I was trying to take credit for the death of journalism, but with reports like this on during the hard news hour, you’re kind throwing salt on my game.

I think this is one of those cases where too much information has ruined something. I could have been excited but the more I learn, the less I care. I’ll still record it and I’ll still watch it tomorrow because I’m curious and want to decide for myself and honestly, I really want to be wrong. I’m hoping for a truly modern, fun, take-your-breath-away fabulous wedding…but until then, I’m a skeptic. And I’ve owned it.

Sorry I’m not sorry.

Anyone else feeling this way or are you all just as hot and bothered as the rest of the world?

{ 65 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Claire @ Live and Love to Eat April 28, 2011 at 9:41 am

Yeah I’m really not into it… it will be so tradition-heavy and over-analyzed that I don’t expect it to be too interesting. I’ll be happy to see/read recaps all weekend instead.

And the cuteness factor is directly proportional to percentage of hair remaining.

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2 Manon April 28, 2011 at 9:44 am

I can’t get it up either……..you aren’t alone. Of course, I’m really not into weddings in the first place, but this just seems like a circus….and the fact that I can’t turn on the tv without having to see “Royal Wedding” coverage makes me want to vom.

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3 Lia {sprightly} April 28, 2011 at 9:45 am

Eh. I’m excited to see what her dress will look like, but other than that I’m not really into it. I did enjoy the specials TLC was airing on how they met, etc. That was cute. But iPhone skins…..?

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4 shelby April 28, 2011 at 9:52 am

Not in to it at all. Largely because I have other things to get it up over….namely that my own wedding was four years ago tomorrow!

(Royal bitches stole mah date!)

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5 sarah April 28, 2011 at 9:52 am

So well put on all points. Nobody knows anything about it. The media coverage is gross (there was some bad tornados last night too). Does she even get to be involved in planning? I hope they have fun though, it will be quite uptight even for young 2011 people.

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6 Dori April 28, 2011 at 9:55 am

Add to your list that you live in America. Why should we care about this wedding? It’s not like it even relates to politics. Zero interest.

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7 Dori April 28, 2011 at 12:56 pm
8 Natalie @ Scarlett Notions April 28, 2011 at 9:56 am

I’ll just go ahead and say it (sorry I’m not sorry): I HATE all the coverage of the Royal Wedding. I’ve banned myself from watching any morning news before work. Big dress, lots of people, pretty accents, strange over-serious traditions…class dismissed!

…I’m still holding out for Prince Harry though.

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9 Rachel April 28, 2011 at 10:40 am

OMG “Class dismissed!” needs to be my new catch phrase!

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10 Natalie @ Scarlett Notions April 28, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I love it and use it all the time! Yes, yes, spread the word!

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11 Caitlin April 28, 2011 at 9:57 am

I totally don’t give a crap about this wedding. Actually, I think it’s sad how wedding obsessed our culture is – it’s like this quest to find the perfect matrimony that we’ve built up to the highest of standards. Can you imagine the pressure Kate Middleton feels right now? I mean, I know she volunteered and all but it’s got to be hard to feel those expectations on your shoulders. I would be shitting a brick all day.

I am really rooting for them, hoping it all works. They’re older and seem to really be in love. Still, I’ll take real people and a reception of 40 over 400 any day.

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12 Anna April 28, 2011 at 9:58 am

I will say that I am excited to watch it, and even more excited for all the special issue mags that will come out afterwards, but I am not “obsessed.” I think you hit the nail with all your points; huge publicized wedding = sterile and stressful. And I think it is completely inappropriate for the media to be comparing them to Charles and Di. Just let it go !!!!

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13 Laura April 28, 2011 at 10:00 am

The pizza is so creepy…

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14 [SMASH] at Sweat. Style. Swoon. April 28, 2011 at 10:08 am

I’ve managed to dodge most of the pre-wedding coverage. I think the reason I want to see it [or at least photos from it] is because I know I WON’T have a wedding like that; it’s nice to peek over the other side of the fence now and then. But mostly, I want to see what dress she goes with.

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15 Amanda April 28, 2011 at 10:11 am

Honestly…you hit it dead on. I think the media and all of the vendors making the creepy merchandising are totally ruining the beauty of it all. I mean come on Today Show…you know your news is getting out-of-touch when you’re going between 2 stories the entire morning- The Royal Wedding and Tornadoes that killed hundreds last night…which is more important here?

With that said…I will still probably watch it…now I’m curious!

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16 Taylor April 28, 2011 at 10:11 am

This post is amusing to me because just this morning, as I opened my browser at work to see the bing.com background picture of westminster abbey, I was wondering why I wasn’t more interested or excited about the whole thing. So then I’m thinking hey maybe I’ll set my alarm for 3am and get up and see whats going on in London. Wait, what?! Why would I want to do that. As much as I would like to be excited, I’m just not feelin it.

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17 Lauren April 28, 2011 at 10:12 am

I don’t care about it either! My mom keeps talking and talking about it and how she wants to get up early to see it. I would much rather sleep than watch some wedding. Sorry I’m not sorry either! :) Love this post!

Lauren
http://www.laurensthoughts.com

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18 thezenofmaking April 28, 2011 at 10:19 am

As a gal who has had a totally fun wedding (with a game of capture the flag after the ceremony, even), I’m with you. Just thinking about something that large and that formal starts to give me hives. Plus, as a craft blogger, I’m ready to be done with all of these royal wedding project roundups–they’ve been taking over my feed for way too long.

Mind you, I won’t be able to keep myself from checking out pictures of the dress once it’s all said and done. I mean, what girl didn’t dream of marrying a prince when she was younger?

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19 Rachel April 28, 2011 at 10:39 am

I didn’t! I really didn’t! I always hear that…the “every girl’s fantasy” thing about this wedding (and so many others) and I guess I’m some sort of freak because I never had that dream!

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20 Rachel April 28, 2011 at 10:42 am

PS I love Capture the Flag…that is awesome.

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21 Bess April 28, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I agree with this post completely and I also never had that “fantasy” wedding imagined all out… also love the Capture the Flag post ceremony!

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22 Savannah April 28, 2011 at 10:27 am

I am another one who cannot get it up for this wedding. I feel like the coverage is overkill. Every channel has correspondents in London, walking around and making dumb speculations. Another reason I’m not into it: It doesn’t look like fun. I’ll be more interested to hear about their life together AFTER the wedding. What will it be like to be both a Princess and Military wife? On the other hand I guess she must be pretty excited now, I hope that they can have SOME fun and that tradition won’t suck all the joy out of what is supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. I wonder how long til the baby clock starts ticking.

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23 Stina April 28, 2011 at 10:32 am

THANK YOU! I was beginning to think I was the only female in America who didn’t give a shit about the Royal Wedding. Good to know I’m not alone.

Celebrity gossip in general just doesn’t do it for me so celebrity gossip from across the pond does it even less for me.

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24 Kali April 28, 2011 at 10:50 am

I was watching TV for the first time in ages yesterday, and a British show was poking fun at the American coverage. It’s funny how it’s so much more dramatic than ours.

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25 Erin April 28, 2011 at 10:39 am

I actually HATE the royal wedding coverage. I really don’t know why anyone cares. Actually, I don’t know why people aren’t angry ! So many people in Britain are losing their jobs, and also are paying for this lavish wedding. It drives me nuts that this on the news instead of oh, coverage of Syria, Libya, or the plethora of other actual news stories.

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26 janetha @ meals & moves April 28, 2011 at 10:42 am

The only reason I knew there WAS a wedding is because I read blogs. I don’t give a shit about the wedding. I would rather pay attention to my three best friends who are planning THEIR weddings.

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27 Cyndie April 28, 2011 at 10:43 am

I couldn’t care less either..and I’m even getting married this summer.

I saw an article this morning that read, Why You Shouldn’t Be Jealous of Kate, or something to that affect, and I was like, “Why would I be?!?!” I honestly would not want to be that famous, or have my wedding televised, or be watched by the world and tabloids. It probably kind of sucks sometimes.

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28 Kali April 28, 2011 at 10:51 am

It’s my personal theory that that’s why it took William so long to propose (they’ve been together what, seven years?). He wasn’t asking “will you marry me?” but, by necessity, “will you join me in this media circus for the rest of your life?”.

I like to think that she must love him a lot.

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29 Rachel April 28, 2011 at 11:12 am

I do too. And that, for me, is the most romantic part.

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30 J's Everyday Fashion April 28, 2011 at 10:46 am

I’ve been feeling less than excited and wondering why and you totally hit the nail on the head! I don’t know if you watch “Dancing with the Stars” but they did a dance tribute to the couple and it was SO romantic, and this cute love story and I all I could think was – “wait, you got that from William and Kate? I mean, I’m sure they love each other in some way, but isn’t this whole wedding thing more of a business transaction than a love story?” None of it seems very romantic to me. I hope I’m wrong and that they are madly in love behind closed doors!

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31 Rachel April 28, 2011 at 11:13 am

Same!! I really do think they are a cute couple and probably have a great love story but that’s getting totally lost in all this!

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32 Sandra April 28, 2011 at 10:46 am

Yeah, I’m over the wedding. I was never really into it to begin with. I’m a hater and I’m okay with that

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33 Kali April 28, 2011 at 10:48 am

I’m using it as an excuse to have an English themed picnic. Outside. Far away from any media sources.

In practice, I’ve got studying to do, so I’ll be working at home (damn library’s shut), away from any media sources AND any parades/partying. I’ll do the picnic Tuesday, when everyone’s gone back to work.;p

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34 Rachel April 28, 2011 at 11:13 am

Are hats required for this picnic?

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35 Kali April 29, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Only if you want to wear one. I will probably wear my Ridiculous Sunhat. Or my top hat.:D

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36 Eirinn April 28, 2011 at 10:50 am

x2!

I’m just annoyed by it at this point. It is getting way too much attention IMO.

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37 Liz April 28, 2011 at 10:56 am

If it makes you feel better, I didn’t even know it was in April. I don’t care at all…but I do seem to be in the minority as well.

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38 Rachel April 28, 2011 at 11:05 am

Reasons I do care:

1) Lifetime movie special about how they met, became friends at school, secretly hooked up when they were roommates, etc. – it is like Gossip Girl: Royal Edition, with bitchy frenemies and all!

2) Kate is attainable pretty and not a fugly slut

3) Nostalgia for Prince William circa when I was in elementary school. Swoon.

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39 Melissa April 28, 2011 at 11:08 am

Meh, doesn’t do anything for me. Of course, you’re talking to the girl who wants a wedding that consists of the justice of the peace on a Tuesday and have a backyard bbq at her parents’ house for the reception. Just not big on all the hoopla.

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40 erin April 28, 2011 at 11:09 am

yeah i so don’t get it. I’m like what the heck is this obsession with the royal family? I just ignore it.

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41 Kaley [Y Mucho Más] April 28, 2011 at 11:21 am

It’s not just America. Spain is obsessed, too. It was today’s top story on the 3 o’clock news (which is the main news time here).

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42 Lauren at Keep It Sweet April 28, 2011 at 11:23 am

What I don’t get is why everyone wants to get up at 4am to watch the wedding. Doesn’t everyone have a DVR already? And if not, you at least have a VCR or the ability to youtube everything when it is your normal time to start the day.

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43 Jenna April 28, 2011 at 11:37 am

I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, but I think this is the first time for me to comment. I love weddings too, and I think it’s weird I’m not exactly excited about this one. I’ll probably catch some of it tomorrow before work, but that’s about it. I kind of feel embarrased for America with the amount of overdone coverage for the past month. I do love this site though: http://katemiddletonforthewin.tumblr.com/. It’s hilarious.

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44 Rachel April 28, 2011 at 11:49 am

Oh this is hilarious.

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45 Katie April 28, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Thank you!!! I sent a rant to my sister last night about this after I flipped the TV on and they were showing Kate’s “humble” childhood home. Literally- “And this small bedroom is where she slept. And she played in this backyard.” It’s just too much.

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46 Morgan April 28, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Haha your post made me chuckle like a school girl! I will not be watching it either and since every SINGLE channel on cable TV will be featuring some sort of super huge wedding whatevs, I will have to ban the TV for the entire weekend. Ugh I don’t even have any trashy reality shows saved on my DVR :( Looks like I will have to catch up on workouts and scrapbooks!

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47 Summer April 28, 2011 at 12:34 pm

I don’t care about the wedding at all. I’m tired of hearing about it and I’m tired of people obsessing over the lives of others. It’s not even a wedding in this country, for vodka’s sake!

People get married every single day and nobody cares beyond “oh, that’s nice” or “good for them,” so why should this be any different? Because they have millions (billions?) of dollars more than most of us? Great. I still don’t care. Yes, she’s pretty and yes, he has a boyish charm to him, but again, who cares?

My Friday morning will be spent mentally preparing myself for the anxiety of an 8:15am appointment with an orthopaedic MD to find out what the hell is wrong with my ankle so that I can continue my marathon training. Sorry I’m not sorry, but that has a hell of a lot more relevance to my life than some British couple tying the knot.

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48 Jordan April 28, 2011 at 12:43 pm

GOD, I am so ready for this wedding to be over! It’s all any tv show/magazine/website will talk about. When I’m reading People.com on my lunch break, I really don’t need fifty stories about Kate’s bridesmaid’s sister’s friend’s dog. I don’t care!

I haven’t decided if I’ll DVR it, though. Part of me wants to see it, but part of me recognizes I’m going to need the fast forward button. A lot.

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49 Ashley Breton April 28, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I could really care less about the WEDDING, but I did take it upon myself to paint my nails accordingly.. I painted them navy blue with England flag on my ring fingers. I just did a post on it, ha.

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50 Christa April 28, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Much like everyone else, I can’t tell you the number of times this week I have uttered the phrase: “I really just want to see what the dress looks like and have all this be done with”. This is utter madness.
By the way: Are you getting excited for your Savannah trip??!

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51 Devon April 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I’ve got no desire to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to watch the wedding. I’ll wait for the highlights & pictures later. The Royal Wedding has zero impact on me personally, so I really don’t care.

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52 Stephanie@MyThornsHaveRoses.com April 28, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Yep. It’s a Jacob for me too. I’m completely limp over this entire wedding.

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53 Clare @ Fitting It All In April 28, 2011 at 1:45 pm

haha love this post, especially the water for elephants reference. I want to be super excited too, but I just don’t care all that much! Sure they’re great and it’s a big occassion…but I’ll watch clips of it on my DVR in between episodes of say yes to the dress

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54 Megan@Dirty Dishes Daily April 28, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I can’t seem to find the energy to even act like I care. I guess becasue it is a royal wedding it’s kind off interesting but definitely not enough of a reason to say up till 2 to watch it.

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55 G April 28, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Shows like “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Bridezilla” had already turned me off from weddings in general. The whole Royal Event just made it 1000X worst. I really wish weddings would be about the love between two individuals, not the dress-food-bridesmaids-colours-photography-limo-etc-etc-etc. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up!!
I already told my family that if I ever do get married, it will be done spontaneously at City Hall one Friday afternoon or in Las Vegas.

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56 Indecisive dame April 28, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Totally agree with you!!!

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57 Jess-The SemiAbnormal Gal April 28, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Preach it, sister! What bothers me is the media coverage obsession. I understand we technically are a colony from Britain, blah, blah, but what is happening in AMERICA today….I watch the BBC and get better coverage of our domestic affairs as of late. Le sigh.

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58 cameo April 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm

you hit the nail on the head in #2! *yawn*

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59 MoneyMaus April 28, 2011 at 7:01 pm

You know what? This is POSITIVE, fun and exciting news instead of the normal depressing feed that always seems to be on and that’s a brief respite that I can definitely get behind. (However, I don’t watch morning news so I’m sure the silly details being covered are a bit absurd.)

Of course, I’m basically just excited to see her dress. Never in a million years would I want to be in Kate’s shoes and have almost no say in my own wedding! But props to them.

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60 ursula April 28, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Being from Australia, I thought it was my duty as being part of the Commonwealth to care about the wedding. I honestly didn’t think Americans would care about it at all! But I’ve read 2 US blogs this morning about the wedding!
I guess it’s a good thing. I will be watching the wedding, but mainly I just want to see what her dress looks like…

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61 ursula April 28, 2011 at 7:12 pm

And I just want to add, do people not care that there are other Royal families too? What about the Danes, or … Spain? Do they still have Royals?
There is no big media coverage about the other weddings. Well, hardly at all.

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62 Ali April 28, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Oy vey, The Today Show has a huge boner for this royal wedding. Everyday there is new speculation about who’s designing the dress. I’m beyond over it. Plus Kate is getting way too skinny for my taste.

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63 Carrie April 28, 2011 at 8:45 pm

I don’t actually know anyone who’s into the royal wedding. I think it’s all just media hype.

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64 Rachel's Mom April 28, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Well, since all of the Kennedys are dead, it give old people something to get excited about.

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65 cindylu April 29, 2011 at 2:21 am

Don’t care much aside from the clothes.

My fiance and I joked that maybe we could watch the royal wedding and get some ideas for our own wedding. Oh, wedding blogs stress me out, especially whenever budgets are discussed. And they’re always discussed.

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