After reading this awesome article by James Fell on FoxNews.com — Don’t Bring Her to the Gym — [updated: I originally read it on Fox News but it was reposted from AskMen.com] I feel compelled to write my own. I mean, all these people are calling Fell a pig and saying he’s sexist, but come on! Go read it yourself and then tell me…
The gym is no place for a woman, not even a woman with “hail damage on her ass.” Eric and I both know this. I mean, he tells me all the time to take care of the hail damage on my ass, but he sure as hell doesn’t want me taking care of it in his gym.
Here are the author’s six reasons why a man can’t bring a woman to the gym and why I totally agree with them.
1. You Can’t Check Out the Babes. “If your girl is with you, you can kiss that goodbye. Seriously, no matter how discreet you think you are, you’ll get busted. And you’ll pay.” This is SO TRUE! I’m not going to let him check out other women at the gym, because you know what? Women LOVE getting hit on at the gym! I know that if he even so much as looks at another woman, she’s going to drop the US Weekly she’s holding as she bounces on the elliptical and go home with him right then and there. This one time when Eric and I went to spin together, he set up his bike next to a woman and then I had to call the other woman a homewrecker in front of the entire class and make him switch bikes with me. And then I made him pay by not having sex with him…because I’m a girl and we don’t like sex!
2. She’ll Check Out the Babes and Ask How She Compares. “Going to an environment where there are lots of sweaty hard bodies in spandex for her to compare herself to could make her anxious, and this won’t be good for her mood.” OK, well this is where he kinda gets it wrong — this isn’t just a problem at the gym…it’s a problem everywhere! You seriously shouldn’t take your girlfriend anywhere where she might see other women in spandex. Eric and I can’t go to the park or to the beach or even to Target. No matter where we go, there is always some woman all skanked out in running shorts and an old 5-K T-shirt showing off her bod. I see Eric looking at her sexy uniboob and I know he’s thinking about how much hotter she is than I am and so then I ask him…and then he LIES and tells me that the woman is 65 years old and has varicose veins and a mustache and that I’m the most beautiful girl in the gym. Obviously I never believe him. I get really anxious and then I have to call the woman a homewrecker in front of everyone, which isn’t good for my mood. And so then I make him pay by refusing to have sex with him.
3. She’ll Distract You. “But even if she is capable at lifting, chances are she isn’t going to be as strong as you or want to follow a similar program. When working out with a friend, I go with a guy of similar abilities so that we can push each other more effectively.” I cannot tell you how many times I have distracted Eric at the gym! I mean, given the fact that I’m a certified personal trainer, I’m always distracting him by correcting his form and trying to tell him the number of reps he should be doing or how much weight he should be adding on. He gets sooo frustrated with me trying to teach him the proper way to lift, so now I’m only allowed to come with him if I agree to stay on an aerobic machine or take a class while he goes to the weight room. The last time I went into the weight room with him, I accidentally tried to lift a 10 pound weight all by myself and seriously hurt myself. So now, like the author says, I just make up for it in “other ways!”
4. She Won’t Listen to You Anyway. “Say you do take her to the gym and decide to train her — you’re going to have to give her instructions. Let me ask you something: Does your woman like it when you instruct her on how to do something? It’s a fight waiting to happen.” Well, no I don’t like it when he instructs me on how to do something, but I always listen to him. But it totally is a fight waiting to happen — I only listen when a guy shouts or gets physically aggressive, and no guy wants to get into that fight at the gym. Pushing your girlfriend around is seriously distracting (see #3), right guys?!
5. You’ll See Her at Her Worst. “Sure, lots of women show up to the gym looking great, but if they’re not some hoop-earring-clad girl just doing the 15-minute-yoga-mat-elliptical-prance-and-stretch combo and instead are actually working hard, then things could get ugly.” Well, the author makes it clear that most women do the 15-minute-yoga-mat-elliptical-prance-and-stretch combo (that is why we should be sent “to pilates or Curves instead”) and that is why there are so many “babes” at the gym (see #1), but the thing is, the babes never have boyfriends! Every hot girl at the gym is single. What sucks is that your girlfriend will be “possibly smelly. Seriously, do you really want to see her pit stains and smell her B.O.?” This is where Fell TOTALLY nailed it! I mean, I used to be the hot girl at the gym but as soon as I got a boyfriend, I started wearing baggy T-shirts with pit stains and I stopped using deodorant. I mean, now that I’m in a relationship why would I even want to go to the gym with my boyfriend? I’d rather sit at home letting myself go! And OMG if there is one person who can never ever see me with my hair in a ponytail, it is Eric! I mean, I shower twice a day and don’t have sex with him because I’m afraid if I lost even a drop of sweat during sex, he would get super turned off and then he’d totally lose interest in having sex with me. But that’s fine because I don’t like having sex anyway!
6. You Need Guy Time. “I live with my wife and kids, and they’re awesome and I love them, but sometimes I just need to get the hell away from everybody. The gym is where family doesn’t intrude, and vice versa. It’s my separate oasis where I go to recharge. I have a wife who I love with all my heart. But the gym is my mistress, and I love her, too.” OK this is where I disagree. Why the fuck does Eric need guy time??!? Why can’t we do everything together?!??! NOT COOL. I mean, this is a RELATIONSHIP. Why would anyone want to be alone when they claim to love their significant other?!?! I love Eric so I make sure we do everything together. Sometimes I even go to work with him because I don’t think we’re spending enough time together. I don’t need “Girl Time”…why would I???! Sure, maybe I used to need it for when I was in the mood to watch Oprah/talk about my period/eat yogurt, but I make Eric do that with me now. So while I agree with all of the author’s other points, I just can’t get behind the idea that men and women need to spend some time alone when they are in a relationship.
Everyone is calling this guy out for this article but come on, ladies…it’s not flagrant sexism! It’s just that men are from Mars and women are unimportant! The gym is his church and we don’t belong there. It’s a place for him and other members of the human race who “also stand up to pee.” And single, hot women. Who I don’t want to think about because it’s not good for my mood.