Living in Sin: The Great Sexperiment

by Rachel on August 26, 2011

Like most girls, I figured that once finally stopped acting like a slut and got into a monogamous relationship, I would be free to keep acting like a slut long as I did so monogamously. So what if I’d always be drunk texting the same guy for late night booty? At least the answer would always be yes!

It seems cruel that once you meet someone who has to/wants to indulge your every in-the-mood moment, life becomes the ultimate cockblock. It just gets in the way. It makes you go to work early for meetings and put in tons of overtime. It makes you pay bills and skip the gym and stop eating cereal every night for dinner and come up with a five year plan. And that’s stressful. So stressful, in fact, that it makes a lot of people think less about the good stuff in life. The naked stuff.

“Oh you two were planning on banging?” life says when we ask what the hell happened.

“Yes, that’s why I got into this in the first place,” I say. “Sex with someone I can stand who is also required to please me.”

Life looks at me like Stanley Tucci looks at Anne Hathaway at the beginning of The Devil Wears Prada.

“Not cool!” Eric tells life.

“We don’t even have kids and this shit is happening?” I say.

“Oh you two,” life says. “It happens to the young, the madly in love, the childless. It’s one of those things people never tell you about relationships.”

“I am not going to have this body forever!” I say.

“You know we’re going to fight this!” Eric tells him.

Life doesn’t say anything, just makes a condescending faux sympathetic face before reminding us that one of the puppies left a chunky brown mess on the carpet and the only way to know for sure if it’s barf or shit is to smell it.

Eric and I decide to put life in its place with a great sexperiment: 60 consecutive days of banging. No excuses. Play like a champion.

“Hey baby,” I say. “Maybe we can earn badges like FourSquare or the Boy Scouts for the different challenges we take on during this experiment.”

Eric looks at me like I’m crazy.

“I think it would be fun!” I continue. “Although if you do anything to me that looks like the Boy Scout salute, imma scream.”

Day 1

Well, this is awkward. Scheduled sex that is. It’s nearly bedtime and suddenly I’m feeling like a teenager who just found out her boyfriend’s parents are out of town for the weekend. OMFG. What should I wear? Tonight is The Night. I decide to take a shower. As I’m drying off, I see that a cockroach the size of my fist was clinging to my shower curtain the entire time I was in there. The Peeping Tom roach waves its tentacles at me slowly, like a live lobster in the tank at a seafood restaurant. I wrap my towel around me and step into the living room to ask Eric to kill it; turns out, he’s in the shower because he just spent too much time cleaning up puppy accidents to come to bed without cleaning himself. I don’t know this, and as I’m looking for him, the pups follow me and then go sprinting into an area of the apartment where they aren’t allowed. I try to catch them and start to lose my towel in the process.

I attempt to hold my towel to my body with my elbow and contain the two wiggling puppies as I stand. Then I dump them into their crate.

Wait, what was I doing again?

Oh, right. Sex.

I go back to our room. Eric murders the cockroach while I look for some Dave Matthews Band to put on.

He comes to bed and in my mind I hear Tobias Funke on “Arrested Development” shouting, “Let the great experiment begin!

Day 2

Why did I decide to have two month of unlimited sex the same week I bought an unlimited yoga membership? My shoulders are telling me they can’t support downward facing anything at this point. Oh well…between my two new hobbies, my back is going to look amazing when all is said and done.

And aside from the shoulders, everything else feels pretty great. Good sex is a painkiller after all.

Day 3

When I’m not planning sex or having sex, I’m reading numerous articles that say that while scheduling sex may seem unromantic and unnatural, it’s actually a really good idea. Not only does it build that anticipation the day of, but it also is particularly good for women. One study found that abstaining completely is better than doing it sporadically because “intermittent sex drives hormones wild, sending estrogen to lower lows (and higher highs) than the more moderate lows of celibacy.” Hm. So maybe that’s why I’d have a dry spell when I was single, it didn’t bother me all that much. Another article that extols the virtues of planning sex says, “Having sex at regular intervals regulates estrogen, promoting a woman’s well-being and staving off depression, bone loss and heart disease. Muck that schedule up with sporadic jaunts in the sack, and lady hormones can’t find their regular rhythm, resulting in mood swings and irritability.”

Day 5

We’ve earned the “I Gave My Word to Stop at Third” badge.

Yes, oral counts! What, do you think we’re like those people who think they can do everything but (or everything butt) sex and still be virgins? No way!

Day 7

But I am le tired.

So tired, in fact, that I put the sexy bra I’ve decided to wear tonight on inside out. Oh well. Not planning on wearing it long.

I’d like to do things a bit earlier, but that hasn’t happened so far. We do it pretty late every night and my dark circles are worth it. My neighbors might not feel the same way, but oh well. At some point, we really should do this first thing in the morning. That would be the best part of waking up.

Despite the amount of time we’re spending together naked, Eric and I have actually been spending less time together overall — and that’s totally not a bad thing. See, when you aren’t having as much sex, you still crsve that intimacy in other ways, which can lead to one person being a way-too-clingy-biatch without even trying. Honestly, the most efficient way for us to get that intimacy is to have sex. Apparently, once that’s on the agenda, I’m not nearly interested in spending the rest of my evening with him. He goes and hits golf balls, I spend more time writing and going to yoga, we do our own thing for dinner, and it’s not a big deal. We know we’ll see each other later.

We’ll see what happens in the next 53 days!

{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jessica @ Stylish Stealthy and Healthy August 26, 2011 at 9:39 am

I don’t know what this says about me, but I am pretty excited to see how this whole thing goes. I’ve been married for a year and with my husband for 8 years and we still have “the sex” pretty regularly, but I’ve often wondered about this whole “scheduled sex” concept. Good for you for taking one for the monogamous team.

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2 Claire @ Live and Love to Eat August 26, 2011 at 9:50 am

I don’t know about scheduling it, but I hope my hubby to be and I find the time on a regular basis! :)

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3 kate August 26, 2011 at 9:52 am

This rocks Rachel! I can’t wait to read about the rest of the sexperiment!

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4 Nicki August 26, 2011 at 9:58 am

I. LOVE. THIS.

Props to you and Eric! I’m excited to read more about it. My most recent ex and I actually came close (haha) to literally doing it every single day. Sometimes morning AND night. It was never planned or discussed, it just happened. There was a mutual understanding that two days in between was too long. (Though that did make the anticipation fun!) Clearly, our sex drives were very in synch. We were like animals and it was AMAZING. Good luck to my next boyfriend ;)

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5 Eunice August 26, 2011 at 10:18 am

Omg Rachel. How do you always know what I’m thinking? I actually started tracking the times we have sex to prove my point that we don’t have enough. This isn’t supposed to happen before kids! I was feeling a little emotional and showed him my sex tracking app while sobbing about how we never do it anymore. I think I’m going to steal this experiment, but is it a required 60 days? That sounds like a long time. Ha!

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6 Rachel August 26, 2011 at 10:26 am

Awww, I am glad this came at the right time! Seriously, that makes my day.

And, no, 60 days is not required! I got the idea from a couple who did it for 101…and I was like, OK, no. I think 30 would be good…honestly, even a week or two makes a difference! But I think that you want it to be long enough to push both of you outside of your comfort zone!!

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7 Eunice August 26, 2011 at 10:38 am

Yeah, I was thinking 30 days would be a good start. I’m excited. Sex!

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8 Jen @ SheBloggs August 26, 2011 at 10:26 am

I love this!!

I was also severely disappointed when I started ‘living in sin’ and found out that the one thing that was constant before was a challenge. Due to our jobs, waking up early, working out and whatever else, sex has been put on the back burner.

If this works for you, I’m trying it!! :)

I’ll be reading.

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9 Howdy from NYC August 26, 2011 at 10:37 am

I love that you are so open and willing to share what everyone else is thinking (but just wont say). Question though, what does Eric’s family think of this? Do they read your blog? Just curious. I love your blog!! :)

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10 Rachel August 26, 2011 at 10:39 am

They don’t read it as of right now!

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11 Cyndie August 26, 2011 at 10:45 am

love this, and so timely! I just got married a month ago and I made the rule that we’d make time to have sex EVERY night. Well, sometimes work and sleep get in the way and it’s been such a challenge that it’s totally bumming me out. If I did this 60 day challenge (or something akin to it), I’d have to force him to eat dinner MUCH earlier, so that his food would digest and he’d want to bang before midnight and I’d still be awake!!

love your writing style, btw.

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12 Elisabeth August 26, 2011 at 10:48 am

I’m glad you’re doing this experiment now…when you decide to have babies, this practice will come in handy. I have become very skilled in the art of the quickie over the past year…as well as gettin it in several days in a row. You will get exhausted though…be fully prepared for the evening when you both look at each other and go “night off?!”

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13 janetha August 26, 2011 at 11:08 am

Congratulations, you win for post of the year. I can relate 110% and think I need a sex challenge of my own! Stupid life. Who does he think he is?

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14 Rachel August 26, 2011 at 11:41 am

Do it! Do it!

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15 Carrie @ No More Tomorrows August 26, 2011 at 11:14 am

When I am stressed I want sex sex sex. When The Man is stressed, he doesn’t want it AT ALL. Both of us have been extremely stressed over the last few weeks, his health, his mom’s health, money, business, etc. So.. there’s been no getting it on in I don’t know how long, and this is a NEW relationship. Brand spankin (yes please) new. So it makes me worried for the future when there are more responsibilities, etc. He’s fine because he doesn’t feel like having sex. I’m a hormonal WRECK because that’s all I can think about. We’re a hot (and bothered, VERY) mess.

I will be showing him these studies that say I need it more and I’ll be crossing my fingers that it works. Thanks! And good luck with the 60 days. Don’t break anything. ;-)

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16 Rachel August 26, 2011 at 11:45 am

From everything I’ve heard from friends (because it seems like a lot of people are in this situation in new relationships!), that seems to be a pretty common difference between men and women! When stressed, women often like to bond while men often like to retreat.

Anyway, keep us posted on how that conversation goes! Good luck!

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17 Manon August 26, 2011 at 11:19 am

I. LOVE. THIS. Although I’m INSANELY jealous of anyone getting it consistently AT ALL right now, but every day for 60 days? Get it, girl! I’ll be living vicariously through you :)

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18 Hannah August 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

A similar thing (life) happened when my boyfriend and I moved in together, too. We’ve talked about trying to do scheduled sex for just 1 or 2 weeks straight, but we can never even do that! We’re just too exhausted most of the time. AND my boyfriend says he likes it better when it’s spontaneous :/ but currently ‘spontaneous’ is only about once/week. On the other hand, we just stopped the pill 2 months ago (NOT wanting a baby) & I don’t fully trust condoms, so I don’t think we’ll be doing any 60-day sexperiments — I think we’d get an unwanted result LOL.

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19 MelissaNibbles August 26, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Man. I hate being single.

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20 Manon August 26, 2011 at 1:59 pm

WHAT SHE SAID.

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21 Rachel August 26, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Nooo, single girls! Don’t you see?! I feel like we’re all saying that being single might actually be better for your sex life!!

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22 Carrie @ No More Tomorrows August 26, 2011 at 2:18 pm

I got it WAAAAAAAAAAY more often when I was single.

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23 Emma August 28, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Ummm, yeah! When Adam and I first started dating, we had sex, like, every single time we saw each other. Which was sometimes every single day. And it was AWESOME!

I think moving in together takes some of the “urgency” out of it. Like, when we were first dating, we’d cut time out of work, working out, and most definitely sleep to have sex; I mean, who knew when we’d see each other again?! (Even if, more than likely, we *did* know when it would be. And it would be the next day. The urgency was still there.) Same thing when we did the long-distance thing – sex was definitely our number one activity while on our “date-cations.”

But once you live together, it’s like, “Well, I need to work out, and then I want to blog, and then I have some work I need to finish, and I’m reallyyyyyyy tired already, so… yeah. We’ll both still be here tomorrow.”

I love that you’re doing this experiment. I remember the 101 couple, and the idea def interested me! Thanks for sharing :)

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24 Christie August 26, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I have Janetha to thank for tweeting about this. While I love your blog, I get busy, and blogging and reading them gets pushed aside. I loved this challenge! It blows my mind that you skip 30 days and went right for 60- you’re such a bad ass! LOL!
This came at the perfect time. My daughter is now 9 months old and the hubs and I are often too tired… maybe I need to embark upon my own challenge. Hmmm. THANKS RACHEL!

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25 Aly August 26, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I love this challenge! I have proposed it to my Fiance before and he thinks it is too long. We were going to start scheduling it during the week more (we have it about 2 times a week now) but I Think just knocking it out and not making excuses is a great way to get it going . I have been with my fiance for 6 years and plan on fulling doing the 30 day challenge!

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26 Carla @ write-foot-forward.com August 26, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I’m all for scheduled sex – and now you’ve given me the scientific evidence to prove it’s beneficial (and will make me less moody). I shall now bring this to my hubby for validation :)
I like seduction, but I’ve faced the fact that hubby is not really the romantic type. For me, scheduled sex takes the pressure off and allows me to plan my evening so I can get everything done and then be in the frame of mind to really relax, enjoy and participate fully. I have a hard time getting in the mood if I have laundry to get out of the dryer before it wrinkles, lunches to make and pets to feed. Let me do all that, and I’m all yours for the rest of the evening!
I think I’ll run this challenge by him tonight!

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27 Brittney August 26, 2011 at 4:03 pm

This is really interesting! I’m kind of in a similar boat myself. My husband travels, and we’re trying to conceive, so that pretty much means we have to do it whenever he is home to optimize our chances. I agree with the idea that it actually helps women to get them in the mood when they know it’s coming, but I think it’s the opposite for men, at least my man. He started to feel like it took the fun out of it to kind of schedule it… Anyway, I look forward to updates on how this is going!

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28 Christine August 26, 2011 at 8:43 pm

as a single girl who couldn’t pay a guy to be my boyfriend and hasn’t been banging anyone in well, forever, this was a very depressing post. but because it’s Rachel, I will keep reading to see how it turns out because it’s sure to be interesting and hilarious…until I go stab myself in the heart and cry myself to sleep haha.

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29 Jamie @ snacktress August 28, 2011 at 12:34 am

Um, I love this. I can’t wait to see what happens in the next 53 days.

Yes, your back will look fuggin’ amazing.

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30 Nicole @ Giraffelegs August 28, 2011 at 9:18 am

hahahahaha. probably the best thing you have ever decided to post about. keep us updated!

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31 Melissa August 28, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Good girl. And while I hear what you’re saying about being single and whatnot, I am single and not getting any. Which makes me want it all the time of course. A girl’s gotta eat, you know? But then again, that would mean I’d have to be brave enough to date, and I’m being all cowardly lion over here, so it’s my own damn fault. Le sigh. Vicarious living through you, though? Not a bad alternative at this point.

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32 marie August 28, 2011 at 2:33 pm

proposing this to my boyfriend tonight. he might die from shock. i NEVER want sex (ahh i am so lazy) but i know that isn’t making for a bangin’ (punny, eh) relationship, so this will definitely help me step up my game.

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33 Rachel August 28, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Do it!! Keep me posted!!

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34 cindylu August 29, 2011 at 10:59 am

I don’t think our schedules get in the way as much as just being tired/not physically up to it (e.g., had a huge dinner). I like going by Dan Savage’s Valentine’s day advice. Basically, get it in — no pun intended — before. Morning and right after work seem like the best times for me and my guy.

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35 Rachel August 30, 2011 at 8:23 pm

hahaha this is amazing. You should have a guest post in Cosmo!

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36 Christina August 31, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I freaking love this blog! Thank you for making me laugh! :)

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37 Megan September 11, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Wait, what happened on day 4?!

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38 kate October 2, 2011 at 11:20 am

I’m so curious to know how this is going!

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