The Big O…atmeal

by Rachel on September 15, 2011

Oatmeal is pretty much the un-sexiest thing out there so you’d think I could make it through a bowl of it without thinking about P in the V.

But…nope.

better oats raw oatmeal

I had seen Better Oats at Super Target and the packaging really caught my eye. I’m a sucker for good design and this is pretty legit. The oatmeal comes in this cool, narrow box that is unlike any other oatmeal on the shelf; the individual pouches inside the box actually serve as the measuring cup for the water you add to the instant oatmeal. The brand seems really cool and social media savvy and according to their website, the packaging is designed to reduce waste in a major way. I just think it’s perfect for people who eat at their desks or for taking on a trip. I do neither of those things so I couldn’t justify buying it, but I certainly wanted to. It’s just so smart.

But then I went on vacation to the Ozarks and suddenly I could justify it! I bought the plain oatmeal and ate it with peanut butter, full-fat milk, and blueberries each morning. It was delicious and filling. After vacation, I decided to keep buying Better Oats; I don’t really eat oatmeal that often, but I’m trying to mix up my breakfasts a little bit.

So post-vacation I was back at Super Target, standing in front of the Better Oats and was trying to decide which kind to buy and suddenly I had to ask myself, Um…am I standing in the grocery store…or a sex toy store?

This oatmeal has a ton of different brands and varieties and all have names reminiscent of condoms, lube, vibrators, or other sexy things. For example…

RAW PURE & SIMPLE: Bare. My preferred flavor, because I don’t want anything between my oats and me. Too much flavor added to your oatmeal is like wearing a raincoat in the shower.

ABUNDANCE. For those with a large…appetite.

GOOD ‘N HEARTY. This will fill you up all right!

FIT. Could be oatmeal for those girls watching their weight…or could be a cute little pink vibe for those girls who have never bought one before.

THICK & HEARTY. Extra thick….nothing is getting through this rubber!

Strawberries & Cream. You’ll want to lick it all off…the bowl, that is.

Oat HEADS. I don’t even have anything to say about that one; I just can’t stop giggling.

MOM’S BEST NATURALS. Nothing gets your day started like…MILF porn?

LAVISH: Dark Chocolate. The name/packaging on this chocolate oatmeal reminds me of an R & B video.

Mmmm…MUFFINS. So you can go muffin diving?

Breakfast just got a whole lot sexier.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Claire @ Live and Love to Eat September 15, 2011 at 9:28 am

I love this brand – found it at Big Lots for $1.50/6 packets. Really good in overnight oats too. I’ve only tried the plain version.

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2 Stina September 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

I bought the Abundance Apples & Cinnamon on a total impulse and have been eating it for the last week. This must exlpain the sudden uptick in my sex drive…

Seriously though, this stuff is amazing. I usually I hate everything about instant oatmeal, but I love this. All the goodness of stovetop oats with the convenience of instant. I can’t wait to try the other varieties!

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3 Mel September 15, 2011 at 10:30 am

Obsessssssed with this post — lots of giggling right now.

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4 [SMASH] at Sweat. Style. Swoon. September 15, 2011 at 10:37 am

:) Thanks for the morning giggles.

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5 Deva @ Deva by Definition September 15, 2011 at 12:30 pm

I just snorted while laughing. Thank you for that :-) I am a sucker for packaging too. Always gets me.

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6 Cyndie September 15, 2011 at 1:04 pm

haha…you are funny. You make me and my dirty mind feel more normal ;)

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7 Eden September 15, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I will never be deemed as a “healthy living blogger” because I dont like oatmeal. It just reminds me of baby food. Unless its in a cookie. I mean, fuck, any kind of cookie and you have me sold.

Sexy? Unfertilized eggs over easy with a side of circumcized sausage is sexy.

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8 Eunice September 15, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I’ll take the Lavish Dark Chocolate, thanks.

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9 Bridget September 15, 2011 at 9:34 pm

*sigh* If only everything could grow by adding water….

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10 Nicole @ Giraffelegs September 15, 2011 at 9:46 pm

perfect. Now I’m hungry and horny.

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11 Felicia September 15, 2011 at 10:03 pm

This stuff is delish! My mom got me hooked on it and she picks it up at Trader Joe’s. I have been buying it from Target at about $1.25 while the 99cent Store has it sometimes for a buck. Pretty good stuff :).

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12 Heidi Nicole September 16, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Hilarious! I think I’m going oatmeal shopping…just for the giggle! And I do need a new breakfast item… ;)

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13 Lisa September 18, 2011 at 7:13 pm

I love the Oats Revolution brand. I like how it’s easy to make with the package as a cup. It’s tasty too!

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