What Your Halloween Costume Says About You

by Rachel on October 13, 2011

 On Sunday, I went to a couple Halloween superstores — so not my style, but with my mom 1,300 miles away, I have to buy some parts of my costume this year — and I was kind of appalled by some of the costumes on the market. Sexy…Sponge Bob? Sexy…mail delivery girl?? WHAT?! As I browsed the cheap, depressing costumes, I was once again I was reminded of this post originally from my Spartanette blog that I think of every year when I’m planning my Halloween costume.

Any holiday that includes role playing and portion-control candy is a good holiday for me! But as much as I love Halloween, the average dude loves it even more. He gets to wear something comfortable/funny and sit back to watch hundreds of drunken girls try to out-slut each other with their costumes.

We have the formula down by now. It’s not too difficult. If you’re trying to get attention, you just dress up as something you can make look “naughty.” But just what you make naughty is going to change what kind of guy is attracted to you on Halloween.

Here is my breakdown of some typical Halloween costumes and what kind of guy they will land you.

You are: A Catholic school girl, a nun, an angel, a secretary — any buttoned-up girl just waiting to go wild.

You’re attracting: Virgins, sadists, dirty old men.

You are: A devil, prisoner, a mobster — you’re ready to flaunt your disrespect for authority and play up the time you got a ticket for failing to “Click It.” You’re such a badass.

You’re attracting: Thugs, bad boys, and Christians looking to “save” you (and then bang you).

You are: Whether you’re a cat or bunny, you’re quite possibly just a tease. The short hemline says, “Take me home tonight” but the fur trim and fluffy tail says “I gave my word to stop at third.”

You’re attracting: Members of PETA, guys who grew up on remote farms and lost their virginity to the sheep.

You are: Dressed as a heroine from literature or mythology, you’re too smart to be anything without some cultural context. My guess is you’re a nerd who stumbled upon her hot bod late in life.

You’re attracting: Grad students, older men, your TA.

You are: A sexy chef, a sexy cupcake, sexy grapes.

You’re attracting: food fetishists, Jared the Subway guy.

See also:

(Flirty sushi in 2009.)

You are: A cop, a fireman, a drill sergeant—you’re the girl who has always wanted to cuff and collar someone or make a guy drop and give you 20.

You’re attracting: Guys who have some variety of “Support Our Troops” bumper stickers and American flags on their small-penis-compensation trucks.

You are: A referee, a cheerleader or a baseball player — you’re probably someone who never played sports, but you know guys think it’s hot when girls are athletic (as long as it’s not in the varsity softball way).

You’re attracting: Guys who have always wanted to get dominated by a women’s soccer team, guys who were the star of their high school football team but weren’t good enough to play in college, lesbians.

You are: Post-Federline Britney, pre-hepatitis Pam Anderson, a sexy Nascar driver — you’re ready to ditch the pearl necklace and country club perception people have of you and go slummin’.

You’re attracting: Guys dressed as Kid Rock for the same reason, Nascar enthusiasts who don’t understand the irony of it all.

You are: a sexy Facebook page, a sexy Princess Leia….again, you’re the nerd who one day put down the books and realized she had T & A.

You’re attracting: the guy dressed as the “I’m a PC” guy, the whole Genius Bar.

See also:

(Naughty solar system in 2008.)

(Sexy iPod in 2007. It’s kind of weird to think that now that costume is obsolete and I’d have to be an iPhone.)

I definitely enjoy the naughty geek costumes — unsurprising, really. What’s your style?

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Christie F October 13, 2011 at 11:14 am

This year I’m knocked up and got a big ol’ preggers belly. I’m 7 months and thought of the usual, you know a knocked up nun and making my husband go as a priest… or a sexy pirate wench who got a little more than a few galleons as a tip one night… but then I got the perfect idea! I’d paint my big ol belly up like a fish bowl and make my belly button a gold fish with its mouth open (in that way gold fish do) and my husband would be a fisherman with a rod and reel like he really caught a big one! Hahah… except. No party this year. None of our friends are having one and I’m not slapping grease paint on my abdomen for the hell of it! We live on the 3rd floor apartment so we don’t even get trick or treaters.

Sigh.

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2 Rachel October 13, 2011 at 11:26 am

Ahhh that sounds so fun! Not having a place to wear a costume is kind of my worst nightmare…that’s why I just started throwing parties!

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3 Megan C. October 13, 2011 at 11:16 am

I’ve been a sexy beer wench, a school girl, a nurse (in scrubs), a nurse (in a sexy dress), and this year I’m leaning toward the school girl or Little Red Riding Hood. I’m happily married so I’m not trying to attract anyone I’m just looking for a fun costume!

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4 Klara October 13, 2011 at 11:24 am

haha i love the sex ipod custom:) may i steal the idea?

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5 deva @ deva by definition October 13, 2011 at 12:34 pm

I am scrambling to figure out my costume for the work halloween party this year. I have 19 days left, but IT’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!

I may end up dressing all in black, covering myself in gold and silver star stickers, and being the night sky. Complete with emo makeup and hairstyling.. Hmmmm

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6 Joanna October 13, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Love it, Rachel. My college roomate just came up with a hilarious website for those in need of a costume, so I though I’d share; you can check it out here: http://www.ineedafuckinghalloweencostume.com/

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7 Joanna October 13, 2011 at 12:49 pm

*roommate* sorry

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8 Jaclyn October 13, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I like to do wordplay with my name, so one year I was a Jac-in-the-Box, this year I want to be Count Jacula, and next year I want to be a Jac-of-all-trades.

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9 Bridget October 13, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I’m a big fan of pop culture costumes-I went as Sookie from True Blood one year and got more attention than slutty anything (although, Sookie is kind of slutty….).
I like Naughty Geeks though. Hot geeks are the holy grail of dating.

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10 Ella, RD October 13, 2011 at 3:14 pm

haha, as a former varsity softball player I should take issue with the “you know guys think it’s hot when girls are athletic (as long as it’s not in the varsity softball way)” but… I have to agree. For the most part ;)

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11 Eden October 13, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Genius post.
I posted about the “adult section” of the halloween store I encounterd over the weekend. Stuff like “hanging around” (men’s boxers with droopy balls coming out) or a lamp in a mans crotch area saying “rub here”. Obviously, such costumes are made for frat boys.

I always made my own costumes cause I was too cheap to buy. I’d like to say his means I’m “creative” but all this really does is solidify my Jewishness.

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12 Corey @ Learning Patience October 13, 2011 at 6:19 pm

My family is uber crazy Halloween lovers. I always like the gore…blood, guts…but a couple times I’ve gone the sexy route…and I have to say – it’s kinda fun to be the naughty cop or a hot playboy bunny! I still prefer going as the Joker (when he was the nurse) or a murdered prom queen with a hatchet in my forehead… I kinda figure you can be sexy all year….why not go all out gory….guys like that too…trust me!
xoxo from Trinidad

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13 Breann October 13, 2011 at 7:37 pm

About a dozen of my friends in law school got together one year and went as the disney princess.. We all made a vow to do the legit, classy versions tho- not the “naughty” ones (well.. except Jasmine… but she couldn’t really help that “classy” for an Arabian princess apparently means bearing your midriff)… I ended up spending over $100 to buy an authentic snow white costume, but the pictures were amazing

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14 Tenecia October 13, 2011 at 8:14 pm

What about a naughty librarian? What does that say about me?

Wait….that’s not my costume….that’s what I am in real life….damn it…never mind…. ;)

T.

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15 Jane October 13, 2011 at 11:13 pm

I’m going as naughty Abraham Lincoln. Yes, I’m a nerd. Yes, I’m a grad student. Yes, I think the cognitive dissonance is hilarious.

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16 Ellen October 14, 2011 at 8:18 am

My boyfriend of the past year is named Adam, we recently moved across the country together for school. I haven’t dressed up for Halloween in about ten years even though I’m only 22. This year I’m going as Eve. We’re both running a 5k the weekend before halloween and dressing up is part of it. I’m thinking of eating an apple while I run in my flirty but not-too-tight homemade dress.

Your costumes inspired me a few months ago! Thanks.

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17 Rachel October 14, 2011 at 8:51 am

I’ve seen a few Eve costumes over the years and it’s one of my favorites! Naughty historical figure! I saw one that was super sexy…she basically just covered a bikini in fake leaves and then it said “SINNER” across her ass. And she had a snake around her neck, Britney Spears style. I’m not sure if you want to get that naked but I thought I’d share those ideas as inspiration for your flirty homemade dress!

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18 Ashley October 14, 2011 at 8:41 am

Im going to be Nikki Minaj and my boyfriend is going to be Lil Wayne.. haha I dont know what category that goes under but im excited to wear a pillow in my butt!

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19 [SMASH] October 14, 2011 at 8:44 am

I’m being Kelly Kapowski from Saved By The Bell this year. I guess I’d be the “naughty good girl” though the only naughty thing Kells did was hook up with her older boss Jeff at The Max while dating Zack.

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20 Brandi October 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

I guess I fall into the naughty historical figures since I dressed up as Eve (sans Adam) and Poca-hot-ass. Two of my all time favorite costumes.

I’ve also dressed up as a Victoria’s Secret Angel, Scary Alice-in-Wonderland, and Leftovers (a last minute but still fun costume).

This year I’ll either be one of the Three Little Pigs or Scary Spice for a race. And then a peacock later.

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21 jenna k October 14, 2011 at 11:35 pm

i’m probably going as linka (the blonde one) from captain planet. because a) she’s awesome, and b) i’m super lazy about costumes (i already have long, blonde hair, and it only really requires red shorts, a blue top, and a big-ass ring).

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22 Anna October 15, 2011 at 11:09 pm

The ipod is my favorite.
I usually do a play on my red hair. Last year will be hard to top: I was “post-legs” washed on shore Ariel, wrapped in a sheet (aka sailcloth) tied with rope, shells, and fake seaweed. My fiance was “pre-legs” Ariel. We found him a red wig and made a seashell bra and tail from shimmery fabric and tulle. (He outshone me)

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23 Kristina @ spabettie October 16, 2011 at 1:20 am

I LOVE the sushi costume! so cool.

my best costume was Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction. it was a two parter – half way through the party I went to the restroom and splashed water on my face so my makeup would run, and I affixed a large syringe into the bustier I was wearing under a white button down shirt… it was fun!

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