Living in Sin: Lessons from the Great Sexperiment

by Rachel on November 7, 2011

A few months ago, I posted about the challenge Eric and I were taking on: 60 consecutive days of banging. I had every intention of writing about it more, but I quickly learned that I was too busy doing it to write about it or even keep track of the highlights.

But now that the challenge is over, here are the lessons I learned!

Lesson #108: Having sex every day requires so much planning. At least it does if you have other stuff going on, which I’m guessing you do if you take on a challenge like this. Much like working out, it’s not the actual act that takes forever…it’s that what you do before and after is kind of limited. Just like I get annoyed with planning workouts around showering, now I had to plan them around sex and showering. There’s no “I’ll just go to bed kinda gross and shower in the morning” when it comes to a sexperiment. In general, I felt like my entire schedule became a lot less flexible; not the worst thing in the world, but that aspect of it got annoying after a while.

Lesson #109: Having sex every day for 60 days requires a lot of creativity. If real estate is all about location, location, location, then a sexperiment is about variety, variety, variety. (Which actually includes location.) If you don’t make a point to change things up regularly, you’ll get bored pretty fast. (Actually, that’s probably the case no matter how often you do it.) It’s not like you have to wear a different crazy costume every night or start having sex all over town…just having sex all over the house is good! It wasn’t easy to experiment as I had hoped; given that there is pretty much no legit sex shop in Houston, midway through the sexperiment, I ended up buying out the suburban Target’s supply of fun lubes.

Lesson #110: Awkwardness builds intimacy better than sexiness. This whole thing was great for building intimacy, but not in the way you might expect. Scheduling sex — at least scheduling it for every day — and dealing with how much planning that takes (see #108) and how much creativity it takes (see #109) means you have to talk about it a lot. And that can get awkward! So can having thousands of people know about it. (The day I posted it, my coworker who I don’t think reads my blog regularly decided to read it while I  was sitting right there. I don’t have a lot of shame but there’s something awkward about watching people read your writing…especially writing that is a bit more open than anything I’d written in a while.) But it felt like “Us vs. The Awkwardness” and we fought it by just intentionally making things more awkward (“So…after my run do you want to make the sex?”).

Lesson #111: There is more to getting in the mood than foreplay. It’s awkward enough to say “Want to make the sex?” but it’s even more awkward to follow that up by showing up to bed, freshly-showered, and saying, “OK…I’m here to make the sex with you!” One way we dealt with bridging the gap between normal life and banging was that most nights, we got into bed earlier and then spent a lot of time hanging out and talking before hooking up. I really liked that aspect of the sexperiment.

Lesson #112: You can get too much of a good thing. We were going strong through Day 30, but then we started to lose steam and started missing days here and there.  Sometimes we got in bed with good intentions but were both fast asleep before anything had happened; other times all the planning just got to us and led to a lot of anxiety that wasn’t sexy. I think scheduling sex is great and I think creativity is great, but I’m not sure I think they are great for 60 days straight. I think 30 days is a more reasonable goal, as is doing something like three days on, two days off. It’s since occurred to me that I can’t name anything like this that I’ve done for 60 days straight; everything in life — event the best things! — is better with days off.

Overall, I’d say the first month was great and even though we missed the ultimate goal, I still had a good time trying! It’s definitely worth taking on if you were thinking about it after my first post. I think I’d do a mini-version again, but for now, I’m happy with things being a bit more laid-back.

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

1 julie @ peanut butter fingers November 7, 2011 at 1:14 pm

pretty sure i would’ve died if i were you and had to watch my coworker read about my sex mission but it sounds like you handled it like a champ! and “make the sex” made me laugh out loud – totally reminds me of me & my husband. :)

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2 Lynn Townsend November 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I did this once, for different reasons. I think we made it about 45 days.

I wanted desperately to get pregnant, and after several years of it just not happening – and topping it off with my best friend deciding it was time to have her baby, she skipped out of going to the harry potter premier with me because it was Baby Night, and she was knocked up the next month, grrrrrr – I took to attacking my husband pretty much every time we didn’t have anything else immediately going on.

I’m completely nosy, tho. What are you guys doing when you’re menstruating?

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3 Arianna November 7, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I remember people had similar questions on the last sexperiment post, and I have to say I’m a little surprised. If Rachel’s anything like me, whether she’s on her period or not has pretty much no impact on her sex life. I mean, unless my cramps render me bedridden, there’s zero reason my partner and I wouldn’t have sex during my period. Sometimes, it’s even more fun.

And if my guy refused to have sex with me during my period for any reason? Um, he’d be out the door in a hot minute.

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4 Rachel November 7, 2011 at 3:26 pm

I agree! I am on the IUD which makes it less of an issue BUT I wholeheartedly agree with this whole comment!

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5 Lynn Townsend November 30, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Nah, not me. I gush like crazy when I’m on the rag, and honestly, I don’t want to replace the sheets that often. (I don’t have my own washer, so I’d either have to make a special trip to wash the sheets or they’d have to soak in the sink and there’s no room in my cubical apartment to dry them). I’ve not been adverse to getting a decent hand-job though, that helps with cramps a lot!

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6 Caity November 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I’m so glad that you posted your “results.” I was incredibly curious about how things were faring after your initial post and I’m glad to get caught up. Such a great experiement, but I agree, I don’t think I’ve ever done ANYTHING for 60 days straight and as much as I like to “make the sex” I think 60 days straight would be exhausting!

Congrats to you and Eric both for sticking with it! Pun intended :)

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7 Alli November 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I just read “OK…I’m here to make the sex with you!” in a Borat voice and am pretty much dying of giggles at my desk.

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8 MelissaNibbles November 7, 2011 at 2:00 pm

This post only served to remind me of how long it’s been since I’ve made the sex. It’s really sad.

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9 Megan C. November 7, 2011 at 3:18 pm

First off I want to try this experiment with my husband. We might have to settle for 30 days since that is how long his R&R is at least for now.
Second I love the way you write it is so personal and entertaining.
Third depending on your birth control the period doesn’t have to be an issue. I only have a period every three months thanks to Seasonale.

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10 Rachel November 7, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Thank you!

And I agree on the BC…I used to be on Seasonale and now I’m on the IUD, which also makes it mostly a non-issue!

Let me know how it goes if you do try it!!

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11 Bria November 7, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Maybe try Montrose in Houston? Pretty sure there are still several legit sex shops in that hood.

I give you mad props for motivation and effort, girl!

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12 Jamie aka "Sometimes Healthy" Girl November 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

hahaha this is hilarious! I love your ambition and impressed you even made it that long. Great lessons learned.

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13 JunieB November 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Smoochies on I-10 close to Heights/Taylor. Definitely a bona fide sex shop.

Someone told me that. ;)

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14 Stephanie November 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I could definitely imagine how awkward it must have been to sit next to your coworker while she read about your sexperiment. Ha! Some things are just much easier to share with strangers. I don’t think I would ever to a sexperiment like this. Of course, I have a military husband who’s gone about 2 weeks out of 4. It works out well for us in the making the sex department…feast or famine, no need to plan!

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15 Rachel November 7, 2011 at 6:15 pm

MALE coworker! Even better!!!

And LOL at “feast or famine.”

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16 Megan November 7, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Thanks for the update, and congrats to you guys for overcoming the many daily obstacles that get in the way of “making the sex”.

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17 Brandy @ Let's Grab a Coffee November 8, 2011 at 10:48 am

As much fun as a sexperiment sounds, I agree with your comment about the relaxing and chatting being fun.
I’d propose a snuggle experiment, but it’s not as catchy and I don’t think many boyfriends would buy into it.

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18 Kionda November 8, 2011 at 10:35 pm

I know this adorable married couple that took on a challenge similar to this except it was for 100 days. They made it and went beyond…all the way to 200 days. They originally started to rekindle their marriage. It worked! Not sure if I can do something like that. Takes a ton of discipline.

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19 Marci November 10, 2011 at 8:04 pm

60 days is a long time! The closest thing we came to this was baby making. We had to do it every night, for days in a row, whether we wanted to or not. It’s how you make a baby to maximize getting the ovulation timing right. It took us four cycles, which were a lot of weeks in a row. Not surprisingly, there’s an app for that too! One thing we noticed is that we got along better. It was like we were together working toward a goal. Now into pregnancy, I just hope he got his fix!

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