A few months ago, I posted about the challenge Eric and I were taking on: 60 consecutive days of banging. I had every intention of writing about it more, but I quickly learned that I was too busy doing it to write about it or even keep track of the highlights.
But now that the challenge is over, here are the lessons I learned!
Lesson #108: Having sex every day requires so much planning. At least it does if you have other stuff going on, which I’m guessing you do if you take on a challenge like this. Much like working out, it’s not the actual act that takes forever…it’s that what you do before and after is kind of limited. Just like I get annoyed with planning workouts around showering, now I had to plan them around sex and showering. There’s no “I’ll just go to bed kinda gross and shower in the morning” when it comes to a sexperiment. In general, I felt like my entire schedule became a lot less flexible; not the worst thing in the world, but that aspect of it got annoying after a while.
Lesson #109: Having sex every day for 60 days requires a lot of creativity. If real estate is all about location, location, location, then a sexperiment is about variety, variety, variety. (Which actually includes location.) If you don’t make a point to change things up regularly, you’ll get bored pretty fast. (Actually, that’s probably the case no matter how often you do it.) It’s not like you have to wear a different crazy costume every night or start having sex all over town…just having sex all over the house is good! It wasn’t easy to experiment as I had hoped; given that there is pretty much no legit sex shop in Houston, midway through the sexperiment, I ended up buying out the suburban Target’s supply of fun lubes.
Lesson #110: Awkwardness builds intimacy better than sexiness. This whole thing was great for building intimacy, but not in the way you might expect. Scheduling sex — at least scheduling it for every day — and dealing with how much planning that takes (see #108) and how much creativity it takes (see #109) means you have to talk about it a lot. And that can get awkward! So can having thousands of people know about it. (The day I posted it, my coworker who I don’t think reads my blog regularly decided to read it while I was sitting right there. I don’t have a lot of shame but there’s something awkward about watching people read your writing…especially writing that is a bit more open than anything I’d written in a while.) But it felt like “Us vs. The Awkwardness” and we fought it by just intentionally making things more awkward (“So…after my run do you want to make the sex?”).
Lesson #111: There is more to getting in the mood than foreplay. It’s awkward enough to say “Want to make the sex?” but it’s even more awkward to follow that up by showing up to bed, freshly-showered, and saying, “OK…I’m here to make the sex with you!” One way we dealt with bridging the gap between normal life and banging was that most nights, we got into bed earlier and then spent a lot of time hanging out and talking before hooking up. I really liked that aspect of the sexperiment.
Lesson #112: You can get too much of a good thing. We were going strong through Day 30, but then we started to lose steam and started missing days here and there. Sometimes we got in bed with good intentions but were both fast asleep before anything had happened; other times all the planning just got to us and led to a lot of anxiety that wasn’t sexy. I think scheduling sex is great and I think creativity is great, but I’m not sure I think they are great for 60 days straight. I think 30 days is a more reasonable goal, as is doing something like three days on, two days off. It’s since occurred to me that I can’t name anything like this that I’ve done for 60 days straight; everything in life — event the best things! — is better with days off.
Overall, I’d say the first month was great and even though we missed the ultimate goal, I still had a good time trying! It’s definitely worth taking on if you were thinking about it after my first post. I think I’d do a mini-version again, but for now, I’m happy with things being a bit more laid-back.