People seem to really like asking me questions, which is fine — I love answering them! But while I try to answer every question I am asked or write posts based on people’s requests, it’s not always possible because there are some topics I just can’t cover because there are some answers I just don’t have. Here are the top three questions I get asked that I just can’t seem to answer.
1. How can I break up with a friend?
I’m inclined to say you break up with a friend the same way you break up with a significant other, but I don’t even know how to do that because I never have! (And that is another question I get asked a lot and can’t answer!) I wish I did because I feel like needing to break up with toxic friends is so necessary in many cases, but it’s something women don’t do nearly enough because they aren’t sure how.
2. How do you feel about breaks in relationships?
I honestly don’t know. I go back and forth all the time and I just don’t feel like there is one right stance on breaks that applies to all couples.
3. What should I say when people ask, “So when are you two getting engaged/married”?
This came up over the summer when I wrote about how to deal if all your friends are getting married and when I wrote aboutquestions to ask that aren’t “So when are you two getting married/engaged?” and it comes up in conversations with my friends a lot. I’ve really wanted to write a post about it and, honestly, I’ve been thinking about it for months, but…I’ve got nothing. I know people want a really witty one-liner and…I’m coming up short.
Here’s the thing: in most cases, I find that question so incredibly inappropriate that I can’t understand answering it with a snarky/witty response; witty responses are often interpreted as jokes and so they make it seem like it was an OK question to ask. And I don’t think it is. I mean, if someone walked up to me at a funeral and said, “So…how much money did he leave you in his will?” I’d probably give them my “Wow, you’re an asshole” brow furrow and make it clear that the question was rude and I’m offended. When people ask me questions that I feel are really personal or inappropriate (which is hard because I have a pretty high threshold for TMI!) I don’t try to act cute and not offended. And I wonder if more people responded without a cute answer to that question if perhaps people would stop thinking it’s an OK question to ask.
And of course there are times when this question isn’t really that awful and I think the best answer is the truth, or pretty close to it. “Probably in X years, when our student loans are paid off.” (In which case, X probably = 50.) The problem is that the truth is so often not good enough for people who are asking because they want you to be engaged/married already (which is kind of weird when you think about it and you might want to tell them as such). It’s strange how many people will tell you that your reasons aren’t legit, so if you take the route of just being honest, you have to be ready to really own your reasons and shut people down if they try to argue with you. Remember to tell them your answer, not ask them for permission.
OK so I guess I do have an answer for #3; it’s just not the answer everyone was really asking for.
Beyond those three topics, keep questions and suggestions coming because I love the inspiration they provide! And while I can’t answer these questions, I’m sure someone can — so I’ll turn things over to you all. Feel free to share your thoughts on any or all of these questions in the comments; I’m excited to hear your thoughts!