Lesson #114: How to Pick Up Women {part I}

by Rachel on January 4, 2012

A lot of people have e-mailed me over the past year or so asking for advice on how to make female friends after college, and I noticed this point in my 2012 verb post attracted a lot of attention — apparently a lot of you just moved to new cities and are feeling a bit lonely! — so I thought I’d share my thoughts on this today. These are the things I know to be true right now, but I fully expect I’ll have a Part II to this as I push myself to socialize more in the new year.

Fact: making friends after college is hard. If you live in the same city where you graduated or you have a ton of friends who moved to a new city around the same time as you did, please understand how lucky you are. Those of us who moved alone or moved repeatedly are jealous. You have something we wish we had.

For everyone else who is not blessed enough to have a group of good girlfriends just a short walk/cab/drive/train ride away, I’m here to tell you it’s possible. I actually think it’s easiest to approach picking up women like you’d approach picking up potential love interests. And if you’re thinking, “Well, shit, Rachel, I already struggled with that for three years and now you’re telling me I have to start over? The rejection never really ends?” I’m here to tell you…yes. Sorry. But it’s true, and furthermore, I want you to think of it like picking up a significant other because I want you to accept that it’s not easy and that it takes work and effort.

The good news is, unlike trying to find the right person for a monogamous relationship, you don’t have to be monogamous when it comes to friends. And with that in mind, the stakes are a bit lower. It makes things considerably easier than dating.

So with that said, here are some things I know to be true from dating that you’d be smart to apply to making new friends.

Go where the girls are. When I was dating (or trying to date, as was the case in NYC) I knew I would meet guys by going where the guys were. Sometimes this meant online dating sites, but more likely it meant bars, cool events, parties, etc. The first step is just putting yourself in a position to meet other women your age with similar interests. Honestly, this is a big part of why I started going to Define and doing yoga in Houston; I thought that the small atmosphere would lead to friendships. The crowd was a tiny bit older in my yoga class than I had hoped (more talking babies than living in sin) but I had better luck at Define.

If you are attending a small/boutique workout studio, I highly recommend going to one of their workshops. Usually these are held at special times and may cost a fee, but the smaller atmosphere almost always leads to bonding with the other attendants, if only because you usually have to say your name or partner up at some point.

I also found another great option: free classes and events at Lululemon. While I’ve been raising a serious eyebrow to Lululemon this week after reading a rather disturbing article about the company, I have to say, their in-store events are awesome. Every single store has a Facebook page where they post them, and they’ve done a pretty expert job of building communities. There is disco yoga and running groups and everyone is really friendly and fun. The first time I went to their free Saturday morning class, I looked around and thought, “Oh…these are my people.” It was SO exciting!

Fitness events are a good fit for me, but if that’s not your thing, you need to figure out another way of finding where the girls are. Groupon/Living Social/etc. are good ways to find out what likeminded people are doing in your city. Even if you don’t buy the deal, you might discover new places to try out and meet potential friends. And I haven’t used Meetup.com to its full potential yet but I’ve heard great things about it and I plan to use it this year.

Don’t be shy. I never went to a bar hoping to meet guys and then hid in a corner all night; I put myself in a position to hit and be hit on. You need to do the same thing when making friends. Have an opening line, the same way you do with potential dates. Good starting points: jump into a conversation that you find relevant to your shared interests or just give a compliment. For example, if you’re in a yoga class, mention the upcoming inversions workshop and ask if she knows anything about it because you’re thinking of going. Even if she’s not going, at least you’ve broken the ice; next time you see her in class, you’ll feel more comfortable talking to her. Or tell her you like her pants and ask her where she bought them; she tells you and then a few weeks later, you mention that you bought them and love them. Once you’ve started up a conversation, friendship can easily follow. For example, the next time there is a workshop, she mentions she’s going to try it, you say you are too, you suggest you meet a little early for breakfast, and boom! Now you have a friend date. And all you had to do was just be nice and friendly.

Come up with good date ideas. Unlike dating, when you might expect the other person to ask you out and make the plans, you have to be a bit more aggressive with other women. Don’t just say, “We should get together sometime!” If a guy said that to me, I’d think, Eh. Whatever. Probably not going to happen. But if, after a long discussion about, say, sushi, a guy says to me, “We should get sushi sometime!” and then suggests his favorite sushi place…well, just tell me what time and how long I have to wait before I can start taking my pants off. But seriously, every time I buy a Groupon or Living Social Deal, I think to myself, “Do I have a potential friend I can send this to and invite to do it with me?”And if it’s a deal that will keep happening (like a month of boot camp classes), you can have repeated dates. If you hear about a cool event going on? Invite your potential friend. This will also help you nail a date and time so it’s more likely to happen; coffee and happy hour friend dates just always seem get rescheduled. And she’s more likely to think of you and invite you when she hears of a cool event in a few weeks.

Make your intentions clear. You’re cool with telling people you’re single and putting it on your Facebook page, so why do you feel awkward about saying that you need to make new friends? I’ve found the easiest way to make friends is to say to a potential friend after I’ve proposed a friend date, “Oh, I’m excited! I just moved here and haven’t met a lot of people yet!” So many women breathe a sigh of relief at that statement and confess that they, too, need to make new friends and have been struggling with it. Why is this such a taboo thing to say? To me, it’s not different than saying you’re single. So you haven’t clicked with anyone yet; it’s not like you’re a social pariah. Friending them on on Facebook can really help state your intentions too; it’s like saying, “What’s your number?” when dating.

Don’t expect sparks to fly right away. You probably went on a lot of bad or just “eh…no chemistry” dates before meeting a great significant other, so why would you expect that you’ll hit it off with every friend you meet? You won’t. But I’ve found that while sometimes it takes a little time to decide if you really click with a new friend, unlike in dating, you aren’t keeping yourself from meeting more friends if you “settle” for someone. So if it’s a no chemistry thing, hang in there, and if she invites you to group events (like, say, her birthday party), go! You might find that you connect with her friends more than with her.

I think the biggest issue I’ve run into is pushing myself to do these things. I know they work. I’ve seen them work. But then I make excuses. My goal for this year is to give making friends as much effort as I gave dating. I didn’t expect that to just happen; I made it happen. Just like I realized that I wasn’t going to find the love of my life by “meeting cute” like they do in romantic comedies, I’m through expecting that I’ll meet great girlfriends that way.

Any suggestions to add to this list? Please share — I’ll put them into action and add them to Part II of this lesson, when I update you in a few months on how things have been going for me in my quest to make new friends!

{ 80 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Holly January 4, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I recently move to NYC and really wanted to make new girlfriends. I joined meetup.com and found new friend groups. It’s worked out really well for me so far. I’ve met a lot of really cool and interesting women. I highly recommend doing it.

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2 Alie January 4, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I joined a softball (co-ed) team so I could make guy and girlfriends and I made some really good friends that way. Also, bookclubs, cooking classes, etc. are good ways to meet different people that have similar interests.

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3 Winnie Nicole January 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm

As a person who has moved around a lot, I can say that making and even keeping your friends can be hard. I seem to meet people everywhere I go but finding the lasting friendships can be hard as you get older. I agree with Holly that meetup is a great way to make new friendships and find groups that interest you in your city.

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4 nic January 4, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Great tips. I was in exactly the same situation six years ago when I moved to a new state for a job and didn’t know a soul. My advice: Have no shame. “Do you speak English? Would you like to be my friend?” was my motto. I joined a Meetup group, I went to art festivals and parades by myself (kind of depressing, but whatever) and actually chatted with the weirdos who tried to get me to join their churches. My No. 1 tip is if you know someone who knows someone who has a cousin who lives in XYZ City and is cool, lose the shame and ask for that person’s e-mail address or phone number. (Example: “Oh, you’re moving to Boise? My grad school roommate’s friend grew up there and is cool.” Ding ding ding!) I made a good gal pal that way and then I met a guy who introduced me to an adorable, smart, funny dude who four years later became my husband.

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5 Rachel January 4, 2012 at 10:17 pm

YES! You hit the nail on the head with both being shameless on all points. You really have to let people know you’re looking to be set up.

And bonus you made friends and met your husband. Like…shit. Everyone? Follow Nic’s advice!

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6 Julie @ Sugarfoot Eats January 4, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I’m going to adopt that motto too!! I’m moving in a few months from Wichita, KS to Austin, TX. Austin’s an awesome city with tons of cool people! But if I stay holed up in my apartment there, then I might as well stay in Austin!!

Loooooooved this post!

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7 Robyn January 4, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I can really appreciate this–I moved to a big city almost three years ago and knew nobody. I didn’t really push myself to meet others and it made me miserable. I was too dependent on my nightly phone calls with my long-distance boyfriend for happiness and interaction that when I’d hit a slight glitch (e.g. not being able to talk to him one night) it would be way more difficult than necessary–it took me so long to realize that the main reason I was so unhappy was because I wasn’t making friends. I’d go to work, come home and that was it. So I joined a gym, made some friends in the area via mutual friends from where I’d moved from, and started going to my favorite bar for Trivia Night and other events. It took a bit of time to push myself out of my comfort zone, but I finally had to level with myself–“I should go up to that person and ask them if they’d be my belay partner to rock climb–what’s the worst they can say? ‘No?’ Then I’ll find another belay partner.” My gym (a rock climbing-focused gym) is really awesome about helping climbers find belay partners–I started making it my practice to ask for an email address with each new belay partner I found. Sure enough, in a few weeks I was on my way to building a small network of climber friends that I could hang out and talk with. Also, if you’re religious, don’t underestimate the potential for new friends by finding a new church in your area. It took me a while to find a church I really felt would be a good fit for me, but once I did, I jumped into a small group and have some great new friends from that experience.

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8 RAIN January 4, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I have been really enjoying reading your blog! I like this post a lot. It’s hard as an adult in a new area to make friends…and you have some great tips.
Look forward to reading the other half of this!

Happy New Year you are a great inspiring positive writer!

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9 Meghan January 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Excellent post as usual. It’s so hard to make new friends. I have a small group, but I always like making new ones.

We should have a “I like Rachel Wilkerson” meet up in Houston. We can go see the Byzantine frescos at the Byzantine chapel before they disappear. We could go to lululemon and decide what side of the fence we are on.

Sub meet up- Girls who are from the mid west and have lived near/close to New York.

Hi my name is Meghan. Rachel Wilkerson makes me laugh till I cry. I like baking, yoga, walking, art, music, ballet, glittery nail polish, and games. I’m sort of a nerd and a whovian. I herd cats in the med center, and I need a lunch buddy. Live in Montrose. Let’s be friends.

:)

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10 Heather January 4, 2012 at 2:48 pm

from the midwest, lived outside of houston, currently in NY state – I am THISCLOSE to joining this meet up!! ;)

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11 Meghan January 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm

we’ll skype you in?

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12 Rachel January 4, 2012 at 2:53 pm

LOL at this. Am I invited to this “I like Rachel Wilkerson” meetup?!

Also loving this sub meet-up, which I feel like I’m invited to.

No but seriously — I’m e-mailing you now. Let’s be friends!

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13 Katie January 4, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I agree making friends after college is really hard, and when you move to a new place to be with your siginificant other it is really easy to get sucked into his or her friend group and to rely on them for entertainment. Making friends is something I am trying to be better at this year too!

On that note, this is also a reply to Meghan’s comment because I am also in the Montrose area. Meghan–if you want to meet up sometime for a yoga class or a walk around the trails at Memorial or the Bayou just leave me a comment on my blog and I will email you back!

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14 Katie January 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Also, I hope that didn’t come off as too self-promoting. I just didn’t really want to leave my email in the comments!

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15 Meghan January 4, 2012 at 5:43 pm

I hit both of you back up :)

This post may work wonders for my social life! :)

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16 Sarah January 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Hey count me in. I live in the Galleria area and am dying for some estrogen in my life! Memorial? Lunch? Margartias?

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17 Meredith January 5, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I also recently moved to Houston and would love to join in on the meet-up! Like Megan, Rachel Wilkerson makes me laugh till I cry, and I like I like baking, yoga, walking, art, etc. A yoga/Lulu/exploring meet up would be great. :)

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18 Rachel January 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

E-mailing you girls now!

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19 Alex April 13, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I’m in Houston and live in Bellaire if somebody is still looking for a friend for some girly activities or drinks. I moved from Copenhagen but I’m from Colombia, lived in Houston before.

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20 Debra May 19, 2013 at 10:39 pm

Hi, I’m in Houston and recently found Rachel. I’d love to find a group of witty girls. Any chance you’re still meeting?

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21 Nicole @ Giraffelegs January 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

This is going to be me after I graduate. I’m glad I can come back to this post. Bummed I can’t just sport a pair of hotpants and heels to get new friends..boo.

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22 Alicia from Poise in Parma January 4, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Love this post. We started holding blogger dinners back in April 2010. We figured pick a local hot spot and ask fellow blogger gals to meet up for dinner. Everyone loves good food, no?! Since at that point we were all newbies, everyone had that same level of nervousness but had no problem opening up in person.

Those transformed into our Ohio Blogging Association meet ups where bloggers (both male and female) meet monthly. Some months its simply a dinner out, sometimes we’re volunteering, sometimes there’s an activity (this month: a food demo at Whole Foods, next month: a wine tasting). The commonality of blogging and the topic on hand is usually enough for people to loosen up and get to know each other in a two hour span. That almost always leads to follow up independent “blogger dates”. I’ve gained some of my closest friends this way over the past year!

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23 Kristine January 4, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Love this post! I actually met someone at Rachel’s meetup in Chicago! It’s been really hard to meet people since moving here so another thing I did was join Junior League. May not be for everyone, but I haven’t even started yet and have three events on my calendar.

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24 Rachel January 4, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Ah, I’m so thrilled that you met someone at that meetup! I feel like a pimp!!

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25 Jessica January 5, 2012 at 12:35 am

Couldn’t make the Chicago meetup, but pissed I missed out on new friends. Is “let’s be friends?” too forward here?

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26 Heather January 4, 2012 at 2:54 pm

things i should do: read the news more often. Reading your HuffPost link to the Lululemon stuff and thinking “WHY AM I JUST NOW READING THIS?” Oh. yeah. because I haven’t looked at the news in well over a week. I haven’t been on a regular schedule of news intake for MONTHS! How did I let that happen?

And….even though this “confession” and comment have little to do with making friends, i just want to say: thanks for inspiring me to make positive changes for my life, yet, again.

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27 Kaitlynn January 4, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Incredibly helpful/needed! Have been in L.A. for almost a year and need to use these ideas (especially love the in-store Lulu class one!) to stop making excuses and start branching out more. Thanks, Rachel!

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28 Megan C. January 4, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I love this post! However, I could say that about most of your posts so…

I think it is so true that it is hard to make friends as an adult. Although I feel like I have an advantage with having grown up as an Air Force brat so I’m more comfortable talking to strangers. I would agree with joining things where you are in a small group. I go to a small ladies only fitness studio and I have met a lot of people there before and after class.

Another great place is at church if that’s your thing…Bible studies can be a great place to meet people both as friends and romantically. And there is a built in greeting time before the service at most churches.

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29 Kali January 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I wonder if the difficulty in admitting you need friends but not lovers comes from the media? People on TV shows are never seen having to look for friends; they just have them from the beginning. Romance, on the other hand, we see pursued.

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30 Rachel January 4, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Good point! I wonder why that is. But yeah, it feels like everyone just has tons of friends. I feel like the first time making friends as an adult seemed to be addressed was in “I Love You, Man”…loved that movie…and I kinda felt like I could relate to it!

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31 Deva @ Deva by Definition January 4, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I moved from my hometown to a bigger city right after college and had a bear of a time making friends, until I realized that some of my coworkers and I had a lot in common, and made a few of them into friends. Along with a few of The Boy’s coworkers (or coworkers’ wives). I had to put myself out there and say “hey, wanna go get dinner so I can see your shiny new engagement ring?” but it’s worked so far.

I also wanted to say that if I lived closer to you, I would totally want to be your friend. Similar interests, similar taste in music and books (and similar in carrying the label “hipster,” even if unintended). I could totally see getting coffee with you and then eventually having you over for beer and cocktails.

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32 Deva @ Deva by Definition January 4, 2012 at 7:46 pm

ACK – and I also wanted to say (before hitting “submit”) that it’s the thinking about the friendship like a romantic relationship thing that’s been easiest for me. I mean, we talk about breaking up with friends like we would a significant other, so why can’t we court friends like we do our other halves?

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33 Rachel January 4, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Courting is totally what it is! Annnnd now I know what to call it when I start writing about it regularly (as I clearly now have to do, inspired by all these comments). “Friend dating” wasn’t working. Courting? Of course!

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34 Rachel January 4, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Us accidental hipsters have to stick together! But for real, from what I know of you in imaginary Internet land, I think we’d have a good time hanging out in real life too.

I wish my coworkers were a better source of friendship; I adore them, but we spend so much time together at work (there are only three of us) and we’re more like a family that it would feel weird to see them on weekends too. Eric’s coworkers’ wives are another story, however. After meeting them at his holiday party, I thought they seemed really fun, though they are a bit older (i.e. on the baby train already). But now that I’m thinking of it like dating, I’m thinking that sometimes people don’t seem like your type but totally are. So I’m going to see if Eric can set me up! So…thanks for that!

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35 Deva @ Deva by Definition January 4, 2012 at 9:13 pm

You’re welcome – for the “courting” and for the wives! :-)

I’ll have to email you sometime :-)

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36 Jessica January 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I love this post. I actually do live in the same city I lived in for college, but back then I was more focused on my long-distance boyfriend, working 40+ hours a week at 2 jobs, plus my classes to really bond with any classmates. Now that I’m happily married to said-long-distance boyfriend and only have one job to occupy my time, the wishing for friends who have similar interests as me happens all the time. Judging from the comments, I guess I need to try a meetup group!

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37 [SMASH] January 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I’ve met quite a few girlfriend through blogging, especially on Tumblr. They do meetups [or used to…] every few months in various cities. Pretty neat. I’m about to meet a new blog friend at the gym this week. We talked online via blogging and on Twitter before deciding to take a Group X class at the gym.

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38 Arlene @ Adventures in Weight Loss January 4, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Great advice … Even at my age (the big 4-0), I have trouble making new friends.

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39 Parvin January 4, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Start a book club. Invite 2 or 3 ladies that you know and then ask them to invite 2 or 3 friends. I recently did this in CT and it was a huge success. It’s especially exciting b/c everyone in the group is so enthusiastic and happy about being there. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one feeling lonely…

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40 Christina January 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Great post, Rachel. I, too, find it harder to meet friends now that I am out of college. I don’t make a habit of mixing my work and personal lives (plus the people I work with are not really great people!) so the place I spend the majority of my time is not a place I can really make connections with people. Thanks for this post.

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41 Melinda January 5, 2012 at 1:22 am

Yeah, I always get jealous of people who have coworker friends (I work with 2 women, both of whom are old enough to be my mother).

It’s easy for me to feel sorry for myself, especially since I’m shy with strangers. But my husband is on the road a lot, i.e. I’m often a faux single girl — so I really don’t have any good excuses for staying home!

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42 Kiki January 4, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I love that you wrote about this! It’s the number one thing I’m worried about when I move down to California in the summer! Love the advice

K

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43 Jane January 4, 2012 at 6:39 pm

There should be “I Like Rachel Wilkerson” meetups in all major cities. I live in Atlanta– anyone want to get a beer?

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44 Rachel January 4, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Aside from the fact that this meetup title makes me blush, I just wanted to say that I’ll mention that you’re looking to organize a hangout in Atlanta when I do my next “Picking Up Women” post. (Which will probably be soon, as all these comments have me totally pumped and excited to update everyone on how things are going for me.)

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45 Dallas January 5, 2012 at 9:12 am

I’ll host one in Raleigh! I’ll host one in Raleigh!!

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46 Megan C. January 5, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I’d set one up in Virginia Beach/Norfolk!!!

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47 Kaitlynn January 6, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I’ll host one in West LA!

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48 Lily February 20, 2013 at 3:14 pm

I’m late to the game, but would you still be interested? I just moved to Chapel Hill!

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49 Lily February 20, 2013 at 3:14 pm

…that was directed at Dallas, but landed all the way down here. Oops.

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50 Kionda January 4, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Before moving to DC two years ago I checked out the Meetups here. I found a few great groups. The ones that I’m most active in are my Salsa groups. I’ve met some great folks in these groups. Everything else you mentioned are wonderful ideas. I’ll be implementing them this year as well. Especially the Groupon/LivingSocial/All other deals. I’m always peeping these deals. :)

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51 Maura January 4, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Great post! I once moved to a small-ish southern city from the Northeast without knowing a soul, it was really tough. I made one of my best friends through a running club out of the local YMCA. Also, volunteering is a great way to meet people. I was doing an Americorps year anyway so i was naturally involved but I met so many amazing people that way and really felt in touch with the community.

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52 Chelsei B January 4, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I just moved back to Houston after being in Florida for a while and started a kickball team with some people from work. It has been a great way to bond with couples and make more girl friends! I went through sports monkey but there are a ton of sports/beer leagues that are fun and involve hanging out once a week, plus after the games we have started going out for drinks and planning other events.

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53 diana@mymarblerye January 4, 2012 at 10:37 pm

moved to denver and didn’t know anyone. Met girls via meetup (um…most were NOT talkative so I ditched it) and other bloggers. Now I am pretty good friends with a few bloggers and whenever I would meet a new coworker I would shamelessly and with a pervy grin ask if they wanted to hang out. This weekend I’m meeting bloggers and twitter people for happy hour and another blogger for a run. And if I get killed next week, you know why!

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54 Natalcho January 5, 2012 at 4:23 am

Oh this topic has been on my mind forever having spent the last 10 years moving around the globe. On 1 October I moved to Switzerland yet again without knowing anyone at all. You are right though – the only way to meet friends is to really put in the effort. You have to go to meetups, you have to speak to people and you have to be completely open about the fact that yes, you want to make new friends. For me, there has always been some shame associated with the fact that no, I don’t know anyone here and I am desperate to meet like minded people. Moving to a new place does away with that shame very nicely – of course I don’t know anyone, I am still trying to find my way to the local shop!

Something else that makes this whole process of meeting new people complicated is if you are a part of a couple. I am married and therefore I find it difficult to meet single ladies who do not have a husband at home. It would be great if you can address that aspect of making new friends as well. Because yes, we all need girlfriends but really when you are in a couple it is much sweeter to meet other couples and double date.

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55 Melinda January 5, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I don’t know…I think it depends on the couple. The majority of our “couple friends” are my husband’s friends and their ladies, and while I enjoy their company, they still feel like more his friends than mine. I would really love to just have some of my own girlfriends, single or not (though, as I mentioned in a comment above, this may be because my husband is frequently out-of-town for work).

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56 Natalcho January 6, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Absolutely – I hear you – I don’t think one excludes the other. My point was that we are in a situation where we both don’t know anyone. So I would feel a bit strange meeting some girlfriends and leaving him alone night after night. ideally we will both find our own individual friends and then couples as well. But the couples are really tricky I find (I meat girls at my yoga studio, he meets guys at his climbing gym) – where do the couples with no children hide:)

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57 RAIN January 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I was thinking about your post last night…
And I wanted to add or make a suggestion…
That if you do meet someone…and it’s awkward and you don’t hit it off right away…don’t give up. Sometimes it takes a few times of meeting up and doing something together to be able to open up and get over the shyness. I have met a few girlfriends that I just didn’t like right away…but I am glad I stuck it out because they turned out to be great friends!
Just my two cents ;)
And I will do a “rachel wilkerson” meet up in Austin :) (TX)

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58 Natalcho January 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

This is so true and I am very guilty of writing people off too soon only to find out later that I missed a huge opportunity to make a friend. I agree – it takes time, always so if you want to make friends you can’t jump to conclusions.

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59 Shasta Nelson January 5, 2012 at 7:00 pm

So fabulous to find your blog today! I belong to the Friendship Circle which is a group of 5-6 of us who blog on female friendship all the time. :) Now I have one more to follow! I wanted to introduce myself to you and your readers since I started a womens friendship matching site– http://www.GirlFriendCircles.com. We help match women who value new friendship up with other local women in their age and city into small groups in wine bars & cafes to create new friendships. So there’s one more option for everyone! It’s free in most areas as we keep growing– though in our big cities (i.e. NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, LA) it does cost $29.95 for 6 months. I see it like exercise– it’s free to go jogging but if you want the benefits of belonging to a community then you join a gym and get those benefits! We’d welcome anyone 21-65! Cheers!

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60 Amanda @ Click. The Good News January 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Hey Rachel- I met you for some mentoring a while back & I’d love to be included on the meetup for Houston.
Thanks!

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61 erin January 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

this is my scenario. I tried the meet up thing… but i felt like every group i tried, either people were already comfortable with each other, and they didn’t see the need to make more new friends. I also have the issue of where I’m deaf (but speak well, and can understand like 50% of the conversations especially if it’s in a noisy place, the number goes down when it’s people i don’t know) and I dont’ feel like explaining that I’m deaf at all. and then I was in the midst of being engaged and getting married – that took up time and i was in the zone, so didn’t make an effort. then I am trying to get back in the groove, but then all the people i know end up moving or end up pregnant (i know way too many women pregnant now! and i have no intentions of having kids). it’s hard!! i’m in the MD/DC area, and i’m up for fun, cheap affordable things to do. and would loveeeee to do a meet up!

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62 Coree January 6, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I totally just trolled your comments to see if there was anyone commenting from my area. I need friends too!

Anyone around San Francisco? Specifically East Bay?

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63 Coree2 January 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Aah, my head just exploded a little bit. I saw the post in my RSS feed and said, “I didn’t sign up for anything!” and realized that there is another Coree in the Bay Area! I grew up in the East Bay, used to live in SF, and am now in Europe.

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64 Rachel January 7, 2012 at 10:49 pm

@Coree2 That happened to me once on another blog…there was a commenter named Rachel talking about her boyfriend Eric and their Christmas cards. It was the weirdest feeling!

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65 Katie P January 7, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Hey Coree! I am in the east bay area, and I would be all about a meet up!

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66 Megan (Running Foodie) January 7, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I’m in the South Bay (Santa Clara)!!

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67 Tiffany January 7, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Hi there! It’s been a few months since I’ve checked back with this blog, but in the meantime I moved from Boston to San Francisco… and totally need to meet new people! I would love to be part of a meetup for SF area! :-)

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68 Megan January 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

I would be interested in meeting some more women in the Houston area, please let me know the details of any potential meetups!

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69 Ellen January 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

This is so my life right now. I checked out the Wichita area Meetups and the selection is dismal. Thankfully I’ve got a friendly married 20-something neighbor who I’ve set up a lunch date with. I also realized that I used to love Trivia Night at local bars in Portland so me and my man are going to start hitting up some in Wichita.

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70 phil January 8, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I’ve been a loyal follower forever– since your shedding it and getting it days!
This is blog is super timely since I just moved to DC at the end of 2011 for a new job! I definitely need to rebuild my community here and socialize more in the city!

After reading this post, I’ve realized that making friends in DC really needs to be a priority of mine for this year. Definitely falls under the category of “things I need to do for me.” I’m off to join Meetup and if any other DC ladies are reading this, let’s get together!

Thanks again Rachel, for stirring things up! Really excited about the new changes to the blog :)

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71 Erin January 8, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Hey – I’m also making this year a priority for me! I am in the md/dc area. U can hit me up at zlie17 at hotmail and maybe we can exchange fb and then go from there!

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72 Laura January 9, 2012 at 7:42 am

I don’t see any NYC meetups planned, so I’m happy to organize that one! It’s actually one of my New YEar’s resolutions to organize more group activities and make new friends. I’ve discovered that blogs are a GREAT source of friends who have at least something in common with you, and it’s neat when you get together and feel like you’ve already known each other for years (as happened to me yesterday with a blogger meetup I arranged).

For anyone’s who’s interested, Tweet me at 50by25 and we can get the wheels in motion.

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73 Melissa February 7, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I’m in NYC!

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74 Allie February 21, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I love these tips, which seem so obvious, but it’s really great to read through them. My husband & I recently moved to a new state. I haven’t met a lot of friends yet. I have never had many girl friends & was always ok with that, but the past couple years I’ve sort of longed for female companionship. Does that sound weird? Maybe I’m just reaching an age where it would be nice to befriend & connect with other women.

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75 Karen March 19, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I suck at making friends! Way harder to do in a smaller town than in a city I think. I’ve tried yoga and gym classes, but a lot of the time it seems to be women who are older than me.
Thank you for inspiring me to keep trying!

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76 Kat Herine January 6, 2013 at 11:16 pm

Ahh, I just found your blog after google searching, “moved across the country and miss all my friends.” I am already feeling SOO inspired after reading just a few of your posts. I just moved from WI to CA for my boyfriend right after graduating college. I so relate.

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77 Allison February 13, 2013 at 2:57 pm

I’m a little late on commenting here but I love this post! I’ve lived in DC for a few years now and still find it difficult to meet people to be friends with so I started a company that will hopefully help lots of people! I started Neighborsations (www.neighborsations.com) which connects a person with others in the neighborhood based on common interests! It’s a great way to meet the neighbors you actually want to know.

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78 Kayleigh July 9, 2013 at 4:39 pm

This post is awesome and the comment chains are ever more hysterical. Tear that I don’t like in Houston though ha ha! Any Buffalo, NY ladies out there ??!!!!

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79 Renee July 28, 2013 at 11:39 pm

This was a great pep talk in a way…I just need to get my butt out there and be totally shameless.
I just graduated college, everyone moved away and I only had a couple girl friends to begin with. I make friends so much more easily with men, but I miss girl talk and having someone I can count on – someone who I can trust also to never hit on me and make our friendship go sour… :P

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80 Reema March 10, 2016 at 1:01 am

Wow! Good to see so many people are seeking friends. We moved to Houston a year ago and since then I haven’t met any or made any friends. I used to be such a socialite. Any ladies from houston? Who wants to be my new bestfriend??

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