{the life} The Smug-O-Matic

by Rachel on February 23, 2012

I’m currently at a point in my life where I feel like I should be eating more vegetables. Right now, my diet is good, but it’s not great. There aren’t a lot of unhealthy, processed foods going in…but there aren’t a lot of vegetables going in either. There are some, yes, but I’m used to bringing the kind of salads to work for lunch that make coworkers do a double-take. I sort of miss that. I just don’t miss it enough to actually chop up veggies and make a salad.

So I decided to start drinking my salad.

I’ve actually wanted to do the Blueprint Cleanse for approximately three years now but have never quite been able to talk myself into spending $250 to not eat solid food for three days. But now that Eric is back in his healthy, motivated mindset and we’re bonding over our love of health and fitness, he, too is interested in doing the Blueprint Cleanse. We talk about it every couple of months, in a really unrealistic way. Like the same way we talk about going to Europe for the Tour de France some day. It’s one of those things that is possible and certainly fun to think about, but it’s not something either of us feels an urgent need to save up for.

[If you’re not familiar with it, the Blueprint Cleanse is a trendy, pricey NYC juice cleanse that claims to to be the Best Cleanse Evaaaaaa. A lot of my friends also claim it’s the Best Cleanse Evaaaaaaa. Other friends of mine think it’s the Biggest Scam Evaaaaaa. There are a lot of opinions out there on juice cleanses, but I’m a fan of them. Really, there’s so much evidence (and “evidence”) on both sides of the debate and I don’t really feel qualified to speak to the health benefits (or lack thereof). However, I believe certain cleanses have a lot of emotional benefits, which people rarely talk about when they are arguing heatedly over the matter. (And damn, do they get heated! It’s a seriously polarizing issue. Forget politics and religion; to juice or not to juice is the thing I would never bring up at a party.) Anyway, I personally get a lot out of doing a cleanse every year or so to press the reset button on my relationship with food. For me, it’s a way to strip away at the emotional ties I have to food, remember what real hunger feels like, and start craving the hell out of some lettuce.]

So like I said, Eric and I discuss doing the BPC  every couple months. We were having one of these discussions last weekend; it was on my mind because I was thinking of how I want to eat more veggies and then I started thinking about drinking my salads via green juice. I actually don’t feel like this is one of those times when I need to press the reset button on my relationship with food, but I do want to eat more veggies. So I was thinking, Wouldn’t it be awesome if I could have like, one BPC juice a day to just be done with my produce? And suddenly it occurred to me — aren’t there a lot of recipes to help you bastardize the BPC floating around the Internet? Could I not just make my juice at home?!

Yep, I could totally do that. And I had actually considered doing it when I was wanting to do it a couple years ago, but I was always discouraged by the fact that the cost of a good juicer is pretty close to the cost of the BPC.


Unless two people splitting the cost of the juicer.

It was an amazing moment. I mean…how did I not realize sooner that living in sin means I can now afford to be ridiculous??! 

I actually know nothing about juicers, so I wanted to do some research on Amazon before buying anything — and I’m glad I did. The most ubiquitous model — the Jack LaLane Power Juicer — had some pretty bad reviews. We may have bought that one if it didn’t have so few stars. Eventually we narrowed it down to Breville and Omega. Then we drove all over town trying to find said brands. And…turns out, there are way less juicers in stores than we expected.

Eventually we just went back to Amazon and ordered the Omega J8003.

Or, as I re-named it, the Smug-O-Matic.

Because yes, people who talk about juicing tend to be smug. Especially couples who talk about juicing. Oh my GOD, I realized when I told my friends what I did this weekend. I am That Girl. AGAIN. How do I always realize this once it’s too late?! I actually felt so self-conscious about it, I had to have a “What would younger me think of this?” conversation.

I thought she would call bullshit, but we struck a deal: as long as I continue to eat (non-organic) frozen pizza regularly and buy all my Christmas wrapping supplies at the dollar store, I’m allowed to own obnoxious appliances and talk about them publicly on occasion. And since I’m actually eating a DiGiorno that was sitting in the freezer an hour ago as I write this, she has agreed to let me carry on.

Eric and I broke in the Smug-O-Matic as soon as it arrived on Tuesday. And, well…I felt like we were children and one of our moms had just read an article that said something to the effect of, “To get your kids to eat veggies, make veggies fun! Cut them into fun shapes and find new ways to enjoy them!”

Because I have seriously never been this giddy over vegetables before.

It’s just…the way it CHEWS them. The SOUNDS it makes. How GREEN the juice is. How much juice it made. I’m honestly a little embarrassed by how fascinated Eric and I both were by the new toy. We had a blast making the juice; the whole ordeal actually turned into kind of a date night and it was weirdly fun and nerdy and then fun again because it was so incredibly nerdy.

We started with the green juice recipe in this blog post and actually got about 32 ounces of juice out of the ingredients. And it was really good! It was earthy, but there was a hint of sweetness and we both really liked it. Was it any easier or less time consuming than making a salad? Nope. Not at all. But damn, it was so much more fun. Eric was so excited about the juice that he’s already thinking we should do a full juice cleanse, even if it’s just a one-day version of BPC. I’m kinda like, Eh. I really like this frozen pizza and I also like washing it down with the green juice. 

So we’ll see. If he’s really into doing a couple days of cleansing soon, I’ll probably go along with it, provided I can find some big home improvement project to tackle at the same time. (The first time I did a cleanse, I had so much energy, I painted my apartment by myself.) In any case, the Smug-O-Matic seems poised to help me meet my initial goal of getting more veggies. Also, I realized yesterday as I was drinking my juice that smugness? Is very similar to the feeling I get when I do small, shallow things that then motivate me to be healthy. I can already tell that the more time I spend making green juice, the more I’m going to feel like going to yoga. I don’t know how I feel about smugness as motivation, but, for now, I’ll take motivation — and veggies — however I can. And right now I’m finding both in a tall glass of green juice.