Eric and I have known for a long time that we were going to get married some day. In fact, it was never really a question for us. So we didn’t have much need for a traditional proposal. I mean…why ask “Will you marry me?” when you’ve been asking different variations of that question for the past two years now?
And on and on and on.
Eric and I have talked a lot about what it means to be engaged in 2012. When you live together and intend to get married, you really have to think about what the point of a proposal and engagement is. We agreed that we had done too much work, gotten too much happiness and satisfaction, made too many plans, made too many sacrifices, given and accepted too much support, and rearranged our lives for each other in a way that most people don’t unless they’re planning to spend the rest of their lives together. We both knew that privately, emotionally, we’ve been engaged for a long time.
After some discussion, we decided that for us, an engagement doesn’t mean wedding planning. It doesn’t mean our relationship will suddenly change. It’s simply a new label. It’s an announcement. It’s a very efficient way of telling people what your intentions are. We decided that getting engaged wasn’t about what we’d been saying and doing privately; it was the moment when we talked about it publicly. So even though getting engaged was about us, we felt like it was really more about our families, friends, and communities. And we felt like yeah, there was a need for some sort of a ritual to go along with that announcement. So rather than either of us planning a surprise for the other, we decided that we would surprise them.
So along with shopping for rings for both of us (which is a whole other story for another day!), we started planning a way to surprise our families with the news. We don’t get to see our families very often, so seeing them in person for this was important to us. Eventually we were able to get his parents and my mom to plan a trip to Houston for this past weekend, under the guise of meeting each other for the first time. Once the plane tickets were booked, we started planning a surprise engagement party. My amazing coworker Jacob designed this evite (though it actually had a date, time, and address on it) and we sent it to all of our friends and even some family members — everyone but the parents.
It was hard keeping it a secret, and I was a lot more emotional and anxious than I expected in the last couple weeks leading up to it, but still — it was really fun. Even though I didn’t propose to Eric, I’m glad I still got to experience some of the fun of planning an engagement surprise like this because, well, planning surprises for people you love is awesome! I really loved having a role in it. Because it’s a big announcement and we wanted to give them some time to process it, we decided to tell our parents just before they arrived in Houston. So last Wednesday evening, Eric and I exchanged rings at home — after walking the dogs, while waiting for our DiGiorno pizza and “Psych,” our typical Wednesday night date night — and then we “made it official” by telling our parents and sending them a picture of our rings.
As we had anticipated, they were surprised (sort of — my mom and his mom’s coworkers were all suspicious that a big announcement was coming this weekend) and happy. They arrived in Houston just happy see us and to meet each other and eager to relax, hang out, and do a little celebrating. My best friend Beth flew in from Chicago on Friday night and it was awesome having her here (and that was another mini-surprise for my mom, who has known Beth since we were kids and loves her like part of the family). The rest of my friends knew what was happening and sent tons of love our way last week and throughout the weekend. We spent plenty of time relaxing and then on Saturday night had our party with friends, coworkers, and our families. It was incredibly chill — Beth’s (fabulous) champagne toast midway through was really the only engagement/wedding/bridal thing we had at the party — which made me happy. Sunday, Eric’s parents headed home, so we spent the day at the pool with my mom and Beth just hanging out and relaxing. It was an awesome weekend — everything I’d want from a proposal/engagement. It was so awesome, in fact, that we only stopped for one picture together the entire weekend, about midway through the party.
Which, I’m sure you know, means it was a very full, happy weekend.
So…I’m engaged! And…now life goes back to normal! Really, I doubt that our day-to-day lives will change very much any time soon. Eric and I both have a lot of things we want to accomplish before we get married, both personally and as a couple, so we aren’t setting a wedding date until we have a better idea of how long it will take us to check those items off of our list. I don’t think either of us expected some big change; I know that I’ve been noticing how we’ve been changing gradually over the past year in all sorts of ways and I’m sure we’ll live our way into being ready to set a date and being ready for marriage.
(And I hope we’ll eventually live our way into being comfortable calling each other “fiance;” for now, the most we can bring ourselves to do is occasionally write out the word “feyonce.”)
{ 90 comments… read them below or add one }
What wonderful news! Congratulations to both of you.
Congrats Rachel – I love the way you planned it all, and the description of being “engaged” in the relationship. :)
Claire @ Live and Love to Eat´s last post ..Fabulous (Free) Friday
Congratulations :)
that’s fantastic :) best wishes and congratulations to the both of you!!
Congrats, doll. You guys look so happy.
Melissa´s last post ..11 Things–Take 2
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story, and congratulations on making public such a lovely commitment.
While there’s a lot to like about this entire engagement, one of the things I like most is that you’re BOTH wearing rings!
congratulations! You look very happy, and I’m excited to see where you go from here.
And, for the record, The Boy and I still refer to each other as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” and our wedding date is set. We decided when we got engaged that if we wanted to continue to use those labels until we were ‘husband’ and ‘wife,’ that we were fine with it :-)
deva at deva by definition´s last post ..Slacker
Congrats! We had a similar engagement story, minus the surprise party. :) And even though we’re engaged, I still call him my boyfriend are partner – fiance is weird and way too formal.
Chrissy (The New Me)´s last post ..Planting Our Spring Garden
That should read “boyfriend OR partner.” Oops!
Chrissy (The New Me)´s last post ..Planting Our Spring Garden
Oh, and one more thing. I will be interested to hear about your engagement rings. I told my partner I didn’t want a ring, because I’m not a big ring person, because I thought it was silly that I would wear something that says I’m taken by he wouldn’t, and because after ten years and two dogs, I don’t really need him to “prove” anything to me. Looking forward to hearing your thought process!
Chrissy (The New Me)´s last post ..A Vegetarian Wedding – Or Not?
Congratulations Rachel!
Keri @ Iron Mountain Movement´s last post ..But-Her-Face?
Mazel tov to you and Eric!!!!!! You look happy, glowing and gorgeous in the one photo you took (and your hair looks awesome) and having been imaginary friends with you for a few years now, I am just so happy for you.
Dori´s last post ..Corrections in a Fitness Class
THIS is my perfect engagement…It ain’t happening for me though. My dude is bent on that whole surprise thing…which makes my butt twitch (hate surprises and don’t like public displays of affection) but my friends all say I have to let him have his girly moment. Sigh…
CONGRATS!
Congratulations! Being engaged is such a nice feeling, and so much fun!
Congrats congrats congrats! Whether it’s surprise, planned, boy asking girl or girl asking boy — it’s still about one thing, LOVE. Even though it probably won’t be any different, it’s still worth celebrating! :)
Caitlin @ This Bride’s Joyride´s last post ..Saying YES to the Dress
So even though, this was one of the best things I have ever seen on Facebook at 1 in the morning — this post was even better! I love how you described the way you already felt engaged after going through all the other questions that were really subpoints of one big question. MAZEL TOV!! And the rings are brilliant!
I’m sure you know this but back in the day (ok..not that long ago..my stepmom told me this about her era’s engagements), an engagement was not always the spectacle it is now. It used to be an engagement was an announcement to friends and family about the couple’s decision..and they would announce it with “a ring and a date.” So I think it’s kinda cool how, on one hand, your method decision was very progressive and unique, but on the other, it hails to another long standing tradition. Sounds like just what you guys wanted. Congrats again!!!!!!
ryan and i had the HARDEST time saying “fiance.” for some reason it sounds like such a pretentious word to me! i love “feyonce.” fabulous. and congratulations to you both!
julie @ peanut butter fingers´s last post ..30 Minute Incline Treadmill Workout
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Such an exciting announcement, thrilled for you both.
Caity @ Moi Contre La Vie´s last post ..Links You’ll Love
Yay! Congrats!
And, somehow… it is very Rachel Wilkerson-esque to get engaged over April Fool’s weekend.
I wish you SO MUCH happiness, friend.
Jasmine´s last post ..Dinner (And Lunch!) of Champions
Hurrah!! What a wonderful way to celebrate an engagement in a new way. I love it. So happy for you!
I’ve been a lurker for a few months, but an engagement seems like a very appropriate time to come out of the shadows. Congratulations! My husband and I had been seriously talking for months about marriage prior to our official engagement so I didn’t feel any different once the event took place. Calling it an event is kind of misleading because, like you said, how can you really propose when you both already know the answer? I think yours and Eric’s idea for a surprise party for your parents was brilliant and inspired! And I went to great lengths to avoid calling my significant other my “fiance” (now “husband”, which I also feel a little awkward saying even after almost two years) so you certainly aren’t alone in that!
Congratulations again! And great writing! I love reading your posts!
Congrats, Rachel! I truly admire the way you and Eric are writing your own relationship rules. It’s rare to see such authentic people these days. How refreshing! Thanks for inspiring the rest of us to live authentically and best wishes!
Congratulations! What a fun way to announce your official shift from “live-in lovahs” to “engaged”, and how wonderful that you celebrated with a party for your family and friends! I love that you guys re-define “engagement” and “proposals” for yourselves, it’s so cool. =D
Samantha M.´s last post ..I miss cake.
Congratulations! Rachel, I’ve been following your blog for a few years and you never cease to be a source of inspiration and introspection. This post is no different! It seems like you guys had the perfect engagement for the two of you, and so I’m happy and excited for you!
Kavi @ Lab to Fab!´s last post ..OMG I love this song! M83, “Midnight City”
Congrats. Love that big smile on your face—it says everything.
Lisa @ I’m an Okie´s last post ..20 week Ultrasound
Congratulations!
I gave my husband a ring when we got engaged, just like you! Also, my e-ring is a marquise as well! You have splendid taste ;)
Much happiness to you both!
Congratulations on the engagement! Even though as you say, you’ve been privately engaged for some time, it deserves some celebration!
OMG…….Congrats. I’m Happy for the both of ya’ll
Ebbs´s last post ..Happy Monday! Weekend Wrap Up and Monthly Goals…………..
Sounds perfect – I’m happy for you guys! And yeah… fiance is definitely a strange term to get used to! I still use boyfriend most of the time.
the rings are amazing!
i don’t think i entirely got used to calling my husband fiance, and he definitely didn’t. though calling him husband was a whole ‘nother ball game!
i’m glad you were able to celebrate with the family and friends. a very unique twist on things!
Congratualtions!!! I love the Evite!
I love the invitation, the way you guys did this, the whole deal. Congratulations FEYONCES!! :)
Jacki´s last post ..monday questions
Congrats! So happy for you, although I am not surprised, the posts about relationships recently kinda pointed to this, still so happy! I think your low key engagement was awesome. I always think that big engagement parties are “okay, so we celebrated your commitment and happiness” do we really need a wedding?
On a side note: I love your nail color in the picture, it is elegant and understated, letting your rings and their symbolic meaning shine. Love.
Congrats! Sounds like an amazing weekend.
We had a similar engagement, minus the surprise to the parents. Life progressed and we continued to make decisions that slowly led us to a life of togetherness and happy “old married couple” stage of living long before we were even engaged. The engagement was really more of a formality and we had a great, small wedding that was really just an excuse to make it legal – the signing of my name was really the only thing that changed!
Again, congrats – enjoy being an engaged woman!!
Heidi Nicole´s last post ..Poor Plastic Pile…
Congratulations! That sounded like an awesome, fun party.
Also, that invitation rocked!
Okay, I’ve congratulated you two on Facebook, twice… but here’s one more time because I’m SO excited for you two! CONGRATS RACHEL & ERIC! :D
This is my favorite: “So…I’m engaged! And…now life goes back to normal!” I love how you two did this thing and surprised your family/friends. And I like that Eric is wearing a ring, too… I’m excited to read that part of things because I’d enjoy Joel wearing one when we get engaged.
Congrats!
I’ve been married six months (as of yesterday) and still sometimes have to mentally step through “boyfriend…fiancee…husband!”
It is really refreshing to hear engagement described this way. I only know one person who was truly surprised about her proposal (they’d only been dating three months). Long-term commitment happens long before jewelry enters the picture. Congratulations to you both and I love your ring!
Awwww…….I love everything about this. Congrats! You just look so HAPPY…..and I’m so happy for you!
Manon´s last post ..TGIF!
Biggest congrats to you and Eric Rachel! I love the way you went about the engagement – so unique and yet simple at the same time. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you :) So glad you were able to celebrate with all the people you love, including the parents. You two make a beautiful, now ENGAGED couple for sure
Rachel @ Healthy Chicks´s last post ..Time for Yourself & Roasted Balsamic Veggies for Two
Congratulations Rachel and Eric!! I love the story and the cute evite!
Bianca @ Confessions of a Chocoholic´s last post ..Restaurant Week at Tangierino
ahh congratulations to both of you! SUCH a fun story! So unique and personal!
Congrats! Your ring is gorgeous!!
Congratulations!!!
Beautiful, in every way. Congratulations!
Amanda @ Once Upon a Recipe´s last post ..Snack Attack | Brownie Larabar Bites
Congratulations!!! So very, very exciting :o)
The thing I like most about this post (well maybe besides the word “feyonce”) is that this whole process is so authentic to you and Eric as a couple. Even though you were still a new couple when I met you two, I remember leaving Houston and knowing “Eric and Rachel are a sure fire bet!”
Bess @ I Dream of Greenie´s last post ..Double Chocolate Mint Oreo Brownies
Congratulations!!
CONGRATS Rachel! I can’t wait for the ring post. Yours are both lovely.
Congratulations to you both!!
Isaac and I were in the same boat in knowing that we were going to get married. We have been together 7 years and lived together 4. The engagement made it official, but nothing has changed. :)
Brittany´s last post ..Staying FitFluential
Congrats! You guys are so adorable and surprising your parents is a really exciting way to do things!
HOORAY!
Congratulations! I’ve been reading your blog for awhile and I love how you are able to put into words how I feel about a lot of things. I’ve felt like my bf and I have been engaged for awhile. We had the discussion about our future in the fall and we talk about aspects of our wedding all the time. I know he really wants to suprise me with a ring, but Im like “hurry up already”. I hate suprises just because I am so observent and inquisitive, that I’m rarely suprised. I feel like I’ve figured out his plans but I dont want to ruin it for him so I’m trying to convince myself that I’m wrong!
Awww, congrats! I’m so happy for you!! :)
Mary (A Merry Life)´s last post ..Another Friday Five MishMash
Congratulations!! My husband and I surprised his family with our announcement of getting married. It is fun to do! Although in our case we told them on Friday and got married at his family reunion on Saturday.
I wish you two all the best!!
Megan C.´s last post ..I Will Thrive: Deployment Stories – When They Come Home
congrats!!
Olivia´s last post ..Fresh Bfast
Congrats Rachel and Eric! I love the invites and the word “feyonce” is forever in my vocabulary.
Congrats! It’s still awesome to be engaged- no matter how it happened. Can’t wait to follow you through all the wedding planning & see what types of fabulous adventures and advice come from it!
Amanda @ Click. The Good News´s last post ..John Legend Concert
Congratulations!!! I got chills and teared up… signs of a problem? But really, I am so happy that you are happy–you deserve it! And you’re an inspiration to me as I’m finishing up college–there are REAL men out there and there is REAL love. YAY :)
Congratulations! Love your blog and I love your engagement story.
I have to say, I really love how you are totally ok with the non-traditional proposal. Youtube is littered with proposal videos and there are a proliferation of tv shows not to mention magazines dedicated to weddings that only serve to conflate the traditionalist view. So congratulations to you two, not only for getting engaged but for also marking your own path! This is absolutely thrilling. And the rings are gorgeous. :)
Congratulations! I’ve been reading your site for a long time and you seem so happy & grounded with Eric! I wish you both all the best!
Congratulations! What a fun way to get engaged. I was actually discussing with my (male) roommate why guys don’t wear engagement rings last weekend and I argued that I believe they should – since it shows a commitment on BOTH sides. So excited to hear your story about your and Eric’s rings!
Your ring (and his) is incredibly gorgeous – classy and blingy, love it. Congratulations!
I have never commented on your blog, although I have stalked for a very long time…this post was just TOO GOOD. Love every single thing about your entire plan. Congratulations does not seem entirely fitting…so, ummm, instead maybe it’s appropriate to say way-to-go-on-planning-things-really-really-maturely-all-along-the-way-thus-leading-to-this-next-culturally-logical-step-in-your-already-super-great-relationship. right.
Great idea to surprise the family! Super excited for both of you!
Congrats! What a creative and unique way to do it. I found day to day life did not change much after engagement/marriage either. But, something deep within what makes us “us” did shift, in a good and wonderful way. It’s subtle, but there. I hope you both feel that too. :)
Ahh! An actual modern engagement. This is very refreshing! In my mind these choices are made by couples, together, over a long period of time. The idea of being “surprised” by an engagement is horrifying to me. If you’re still at a point in your relationship where the engagement is a surprise, chances are you shouldn’t be getting married! And if it isn’t going to be a surprise, why don’t you just talk about it together like adults? It’s marriage not your 7th birthday party! Congratulations on the engagement and on being a wonderfully modern woman!
Becca´s last post ..Skypin’ With My Puppies
^What she said.
AND I love that he’s wearing a ring as well!!
Congratulations :D
I don’t meant to be nit-picky, but I don’t entirely agree with this statement: “If you’re still at a point in your relationship where the engagement is a surprise, chances are you shouldn’t be getting married!” I think for many couples (including me and my fiance), the HOW and WHEN of the proposal/engagement is a surprise, not the proposal itself. My fiance and I had been together for five years when he proposed and we’ve known since our first date that we would spend the rest of our life together (and had talked about it openly and honestly many times). The proposal itself–how, where, and when he proposed–was a complete surprise to me, and it was very, very special. I agree that if the proposal/topic/idea of marriage comes out of left field for a couple, it might not be the right time. But there is often much more behind a surprise proposal than might meet the eye!
YESSSSS!!!! This makes me so happy. I’ve loved watching your guys’ relationship evolve over the last little bit, and this is just such great news. :-)
K @ The Chic Teach´s last post ..No spring chicken
Awwww, Rachel! Congratulations to you and Eric! =D
Congratulations Rachel and Eric! I love that you things your own way, and chose to suprise your parents.
This is so wonderful and inspired. I’m very happy for you, Rachel! Congratulations :)
Andie
Andie´s last post ..Comment on Thai Tofu Salad with Peanut Dressing by Tami
Congratulations! I’m so excited for you! Looking forward to hearing how you navigate this next awesome phase of your life! Thanks for sharing.
Congrats!!!
I’m always so confused by adult women who are “so surprised!” when they get engaged. I love that your engagement was planned by both of you and is the next logical step in your partnership. Such a refreshing and awesome perspective.
stef´s last post ..Scenes from the weekend (and! a new letterpress!)
Congrats on being publicly engaged! Please humor me with wedding related posts concerning cake choice, dress shopping and flowers. I know it’s cliche, but like I said humor me.
The ring is beautiful, and your hair looks fab.
Nicole @ Giraffelegs´s last post ..Worst Pickup Line
This is so awesome- congratulations! Sounds anxiety-free and pure fun and happiness. Best wishes to you guys while you head into the future together!
Congratulations on making it officially official. :)
How exciting, congratulations! I love the idea of suprising your family, I bet they were just so happy :)
Lindsey´s last post ..thai chicken peanut noodle stir fry
Congrats Rachel– you guys seem like such a great couple. Excited for you! Oh yeah and nice rings :)
Congrats!!!
T.
Tenecia´s last post ..New Release Tuesday
I’m really interested in the thought process behind the engaged man ring–I really like the concept. Very excited for you guys and glad that you are really personalizing this process. I bet you’re enjoying the sh*t out of Say Yes to the Dress this week! :)
CONGRATULATIONS!! What a wonderful way to announce it and share with family and friends!
Kari´s last post ..Shrinking
Congratulations! I think this is what my husband and I actually should have done- great idea! We too are not that traditional and lived together for about 4 years before getting married and talked about it a lot along the way- it was kind of a natural progression. My husband’s proposal was kind of awkward because he’s not really a big romantic and we’re not big into surprises. It actually kind of happened in the middle of an argument… Anyway, I think this was a great idea and way to still celebrate the event of deciding to get married so good for you guys!
Brittney´s last post ..I Think About 17
I told you your parents would be a teeny bit suspicious of a big announcement. ;) Once again, the invitation is the cutest idea ever (going to Pin it as promised as soon as I press publish) and I’m so very happy for both of you. Enjoy this time as a (publicly) engaged couple!
Meghann´s last post ..Nut Butter Encrusted Fries Return!
I love this!!! And I love that invitation – beyond perfect. Oh, and I’m totally on board with bringing back yellow gold!!!
Congrats!! So heartwarming to see this especially after all your awesome relationship advice :)
congrats! I am so thrilled for you. and I could never do the word “fiance.” Just doesn’t roll off the tongue.
Congratulation! I love the story and the way you handled everything, especially with your parents. I wish we had thought to do something like that.
Aww congratulations. The evite is super cute and now you have a unique story to share. Love it!
Nicole´s last post ..Last Minute Healthy Easter Recipes
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