{living in sin} Getting New Tail

by Rachel on May 24, 2012

Though my dating days are behind me, some days, I still find myself thinking, He’s just not that into you. But I’m not thinking that about Eric; I’m thinking about my dog Indiana.

In the year since Eric and I brought our puppies home, Indiana has proved to be a tough nut to crack. It’s not that I don’t love him or feel like he loves me. It’s just that we’ve never really bonded.

Indiana is just…well, he’s like so many frat guys I have known. He’s muscular and fun-loving; he hides his emotions and pretty much ignores me (and Eric) unless he wants to play. When he wants to play, he is relentless — he’s the guy texting you pictures of his dick. But when Eric and I attempt to have what we call “den time” (us + the dogs + at least one blanket), Indiana sits with us for a second, and then rolls his eyes, goes and sits on the other side of the couch, and gives us this look that says, “Dude, I’m not gay, bro.” Most days, he’ll let us scratch him behind the ears for a second and then he gets really uncomfortable and then pulls that neck-crinkling move that one would expect from a teenage boy whose mom tried to just tried to wipe a little something off his face.

I love Indiana but I feel like he’s always telling me that he likes me, he just needs some space.

So last weekend, Eric and I had crappy oh-fuck-we-love-each-other-but-we-just-have-different-goals-for-ourselves arguments. Nothing to worry about, but it wasn’t fun, and we were both frustrated and upset when we went to lay in bed after not really reaching a resolution. Usually at this point in an argument, whichever one of us is more upset will go and get Chuck, because Chuck is happy to let you hold him when you feel shitty. But on Friday night, for whatever reason, Eric brought both dogs in to our room for some den time.

While Chuck will usually do anything he can to get under the covers — and Indiana will usually run to the edge of the bed immediately, looking for an escape route — on Friday, Chuck was the one who jumped off the bed. He climbed into his travel crate, which was sitting on the floor, and we didn’t hear from him again for the rest of the night. That’s not really his style, but for once, he wanted space. And Indiana?  Well, he had other plans.

He stretched out between Eric and me in bed, looking all docile and adorable. I started scratching him behind his ears and then he did something I’ve never seen before: he looked blissful and then rolled onto his side and curled up next to me in the little spoon position.

WHAT?

Eric and I stayed up for another hour and a half or so. I could pretty much count on one hand the number of times we’ve let our dogs sleep in bed with us, but I could see that this was going to be one of those nights. He wasn’t going anywhere. And from his body language, it was clear to both Eric and me that Indiana wasn’t interested in snuggling with us; he was interested in snuggling with me. When I got up to brush my teeth, he looked alert, waiting for me to come back. When I got back in bed, he once again assumed the little spoon position.

We turned off the lights and went to sleep; I expected he’d be gone in the morning.

But no. I actually tried to move him from the position he was occupying between Eric and me a few times, and he wasn’t having it. He kept coming back and wedging himself in next to me. When I effectively blocked him, he settled into an awkward position with his head on my hip. He looked uncomfortable but he was giving me this look of, Girl, I’m here for you.

I have no idea why he was suddenly so interested in hanging out with me and making me feel better. Eric and I were both upset, and besides, Indiana has never shown much sensitivity to human emotion. Though he typically drops his macho attitude around strangers, unfamiliar dogs, and new situations and damn near acts like a gentleman, he’s always kind of a beast to me. Could it be that I’d achieved that rom-com Holy Grail and changed him?

The next morning, Indiana refused to get out of bed until I did, so we got up…and then I just started to feel really awkward. Much like the frat guys who weren’t that into me in college, I was left wondering, So what did that all mean? Was the love and attention Indiana was giving me just a one-night stand? Did he want more? Should I ask him if he wants to go to the dog park later?

So I’ve spent this week acting awkward around Indiana. We’re all hanging out and I’m giving him sidelong glances, wondering if he’s looking at me too. Thus far, he’s not. Everything is back to how it was before. I was feeling vulnerable, he offered me love and attention, I slept with him, and now he wants nothing to do with me?

I got used by my dog, you guys.

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Meghan @ Run With Meg May 24, 2012 at 9:21 am

I can relate! Ever since my boyfriend moved in my dog has abandoned me. Sure if he’s gone I’m good enough but if he’s there and there’s a chance he will pay her one bit of attention she doesn’t know who I am. Dogs are so funny!

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2 Caity @ Moi Contre La Vie May 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

HAHA. Thank you, this was just what I needed!

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3 deva at deva by definition May 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

this whole post made me giggle. We have one cat who loves to be loved on her own terms, and will come visit us in bed to be petted. She LOVES The Boy and gets skittish when he goes out of town for short trips. However, when I get sick, she turns into a very watchful cat, and naps in bed with me and follows me all over the house.

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4 Mel May 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

ADORE this post! Smooth moves, Indiana. It’s so funny how animals..or babies – like “regular” humans – have their own distinct personalities and moods to work with.

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5 Joy May 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

Love this!!!

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6 Jessica May 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

I love this story! Have you ever read any of Cesar Milan’s books? I just read “Cesar’s Way” and now I’m more confused than ever about what my dog is thinking.

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7 Rachel May 24, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Yes, we read How to Raise the Perfect Puppy and really liked it! Unfortunately, it has not helped me understand Indiana at all…maybe I need to read some of his books about adult dogs!

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8 Mandy May 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

Soooo that may be the best description of a dog ever. Of course, now I just imagine my pets texting pictures of their privates to people. Ugh. ;)

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9 Heather May 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Hahahaha! I have a Corgi (if you’re in the market for the most ridiculously funny dog ever, get one), and when my husband is at home, she follows him around until she realizes he doesn’t want to throw her bone/pet her/make her do ridiculous tricks in exchange for sweet potatoes, she’ll come my way for some love. But as soon as he looks at her, she leaves me in the dust. She’s like a little girl with a crush on her big sister’s boyfriend.

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10 Aj May 24, 2012 at 4:40 pm

LLOL! This is our cat Olivia, and to a lesser extent Emmett. She still hasn’t warmed up to us, but is a love-bug with Emmett (he’s our alpha, jack ass cool guy).Kinney and Evelyn are just love whores and will take if from me or anyone. Emmett can be a total dick but when he wants attention he WANTS it. He will shove his head under my hand and crawl on my chest rubbing his face on mine. But then if I want a little lovin’…forget it. He’s gotta be all cool with the ladies and doesn’t need mom loving on him calling him prince and whatnot. However, if I am injured (or say fall down to the floor and fake cry), he will come and cuddle my head. Great to know he would be of help in a true emergency. I would definitely try the fake cry around Indy. Tough guys never know how to handle a crying girl.

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11 Kavi @ Lab to Fab! May 25, 2012 at 6:25 am

lol, I don’t have a pet at the moment, but this cracked me up!

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12 Kat May 25, 2012 at 8:19 am

You are flippin’ hilarious, lady. My chi, Ollie can be equally fickle, and makes it clear that he loves my husband more than me (even though Ben’s only been around for 3 of the 6 years I’ve had Ollie!) and has almost no reaction to human emotion – even when I’ve sobbed my eyes out. Love the little bugger to death though!

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13 sara May 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm

“he’s the guy texting you pictures of his dick.” hahaha! i know someone who did/does this. why do guys do this?!? I mean, i get the other way around (obviously other body parts) but i just don’t understand this. Or, am I weird in that I am incredibly turned OFF by an email attachment of a dick? i’d love to know your thoughts.

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14 Rachel May 27, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Uh, yeah, it does nothing for me, and from everything I know (from my own experience/talking to friends), it’s just rarely solicited! I mean, if the woman on the receiving end is into it, fine, but it seems like a good idea to ask first rather than just throwing that out there, right?!

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15 sara May 29, 2012 at 8:19 pm

agreed. it must mean something about the guy, yet i’m not sure what…

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16 Doyin May 28, 2012 at 3:37 am

Cute story. Loved the last paragraph.

Even though your dog pretty much used you (JUST like a dog, I tell ya) this story only makes me want one of my own even more.

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17 Adrienne May 28, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I laughed, I cried. That was great. Thanks for the post.

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18 Rain May 29, 2012 at 1:13 pm

This totally cracks me up!
Thanks for the great story and a good laugh today!

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19 Kionda May 31, 2012 at 11:09 am

Lol. No chere. He probably was just giving you what you needed at that particular moment. Kind of like a mercy fuck. Great post! :)

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20 Rachel May 31, 2012 at 7:47 pm

HA, I literally laughed out loud at “mercy fuck.”

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