{the life} Water, water everywhere

by Rachel on September 17, 2012

Over the weekend, the following three things occurred:

  1. I was looking at the huge world map that Eric and I bought to hang in our bedroom. I wanted to get a closer look because I wanted a geography refresher — my world geography skills are nothing short of shameful and I’m not saying that in a “isn’t it cute that I’m so flaky?” kind of way, but in a holy-shit-I-think-I’ve-realized-my-2013-New-Year’s-Resolution kind of way — and when I couldn’t make out all the tiny country names, I reached forward so I could pinch the image to expand it.
  2. I was looking through the large stack of mail taking over our entryway table (ladies and gentlemen, I do not recommend letting glasses and a beard distract you from the fact that a man’s something of a hoarder) and when I couldn’t immediately find what I was looking for, a thought popped into my head: just type what you’re looking for in the search field and get on with it.
  3. I washed my hair, after avoiding it for a week.

Regarding the first two: whatever. I’m not ashamed of my love for technology or the fact that it wears me out sometimes. Everything I love wears me out sometimes. (Or perhaps I wear it out. I don’t know. I do think maybe I’ve loved some things to death though. And some people, but just in the metaphorical sense.)

Regarding the hair washing: water has always been my enemy and my extensions are a pain to wash.

Really, I just find showering to be a huge waste of time. Like, yeah, it has its time and place, but on the whole, I think it’s rather overrated. As a result, I take very short showers. If I’m staying with friends and I take a shower, I often get a “…you’re done already?” when I exit the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and hunting for my lotion, two minutes after going in. “I couldn’t even get wet in that amount of time,” everyone says.

I feel like everyone but me is in some secret shower club and they have really cool meetings while they are in there. That’s the only reason I can think of that everyone I know loves taking long showers. I mean yeah, “secret shower club meetings” could be the newest way of saying you’re getting yourself off, but I don’t think that’s it. So my question always is…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING IN THERE?!

“Singing,” everyone says. “Thinking.” “That’s when I get my best ideas.”

I get so bored in the shower. The only thing I’m thinking about in there is how fast I can get out. The best idea I’ve had in the shower was when I realized I could get out but leave the water running to fool Eric into thinking I was in there for a socially acceptable amount of time. I didn’t do it, but I’m hanging onto that one.

Earlier this year, Eric and I actually started taking our morning showers together. Having someone to talk to in there was the only thing that made showering tolerable, and having someone to wash your back just makes good sense. (As much as I enjoyed our shared showers, I’d still be done first and would just be standing around tapping my foot, looking at my pruney fingers…finally, I’d say, “Welp, see ya later!” and I’d bounce. He’d stay in there for another few minutes doing God knows what. But it was still a step in the right direction.)

But at our new place? The master bathroom has a Jacuzzi tub and then a separate shower stall. That thing is a prison! Two people cannot reasonably fit in this shower and so I’ve lost the small way I’d found to enjoy a shower. (And don’t even get me started on baths. I love myself but I just can’t get past the idea of human broth, which is what a bath is making. I took one bath in my new tub and while it was mildly enjoyable — mainly because it came after a week of moving and I was so filthy and exhausted, I would have done far worse things things than take a bath if you told me it would make me feel better — I have no desire to take one again. I honestly can’t remember the last time I took a bath prior to that. I know it was several years ago. For me, baths are just something that only exist in movies. In real life, with no plot to further or teenage boys to titillate, what would be the point of taking one?)

So I’ve never liked showering, but this weekend, it occurred to me that my love for technology, the love that has made me start approaching real-life objects like they all have touch screens, has made me hate water even more than I used to. As we all know, water ruins more than hair…it also ruins technology. The two cannot coexist. And so I hate showering.

I spend most of my life in two states: reading or writing. If I am not sleeping or having good sex, I am probably reading or writing. If I am not doing those things, I likely am wanting to get my hands on a device (or a book or a notebook — paper is shower’s original victim) so I can get back to doing those things. And the shower…it tricks you! It promises to be a place of relaxation, inspiration, and creativity but…HOW CAN I RELAX IF I CAN’T READ OR WRITE THINGS DOWN? AND IF MY HAIR IS MELTING?!

I feel like technology is a superhero, showering is its arch nemesis, and I am the unassuming love interest who is always getting lured into dangerous situations as part of their ongoing battle. I was dumb enough to believe the shower (dressed up like an old lady, most likely) when it told me to come out of the cold bedroom, that it would be nice and warm in there. Once I’m in and the hot water hits my body, I hear a sound from the bathroom counter. I’ve just gotten an e-mail. And there is my phone, blinking its light for me. I reach for it, but the super villain shower has now thrown off its disguise and is laughing maniacally, shouting to my phone, “I’ve got what’s most precious to you and if you try to touch her, you’ll both be dead!” And yet I can’t get out because then I’d freeze. I’m trapped in the evil clutches of this tiny vertical box. I’m trying to scream for help, but the evil shower head is shooting water in my face, blinding me and choking me, making it impossible for anyone to help me, and my poor phone is useless.

OK, so I suppose I do get a little thinking done in the shower, because I sometimes have thoughts like that and I am actually able to remember them until I get out and can get my hands on my phone to take them down. But for the most part, I see showering as a necessary evil, one that takes up time that could be better spent doing pretty much anything else. I know a lot of people love long showers, but I just prefer to be dry. Well-moisturized, obviously, but dry.

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Caity @ Moi Contre La Vie September 17, 2012 at 8:25 am

So. Funny. You’ve mentioned your hatred of showering before – The phrase “he’ll have to wife me before I’ll get my hair wet for him” was one of my favorites. But I feel like the technology argument is a pretty darn good excuse! Maybe you two should invest in one of those shower TVs…

Also, a glass of wine & your cell phone are a-ok in the bathtub. I’m just saying… :)

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2 Rachel September 17, 2012 at 9:02 am

What if you drop your phone?!

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3 Andi September 17, 2012 at 9:44 am

Waterproof case for your phone? If you have an iPhone, Lifeproof cases are made to be submerged. Then you can take your phone into the shower with you.

This post is so funny, even though I’m a member of the “secret shower club.” In the morning, I feel like it’s the only part of my getting up routine that still partially counts as sleep (and therefore take way too long in the shower). I also have the heat up so high that it really is relaxing to me, much like curling up in front of a fire.

Although, ever since dying my hair, the hair washing portion has gotten a lot less enjoyable since it must be done in cold water, but I try only to rinse my hair when doing that.

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4 Kali September 23, 2012 at 7:49 am

I read in the bath, then shower quickly when I’m done to wash the ‘human broth’ off.

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5 Caity @ Moi Contre La Vie September 17, 2012 at 9:08 am

I’ve dropped a couple books but never a phone. Just have to be careful! And if it takes a little dip, throw it into a bowl of rice for a couple hours, it sucks out the moisture (like rice in salt shakers near the beach!)

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6 Michelle @ Eat Move Balance September 17, 2012 at 9:10 am

I hear ya on feeling like showering can be a waste of time. It’s actually the shaving my legs that drives me crazy. Seriously–such a time suck.

also–about feeling less-than-smart regarding geography . . . watching the olympics made me down-right embarrassed about how little I know regarding other countries. Eek.

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7 Lori September 17, 2012 at 10:28 am

Huzzah! I agree with this one. Showering sucks. I hate getting water in my eyes, I hate being wet, and I also have no idea what takes people so long.

I am a bath person… or a wanna be. I only last about 15 minutes in the bath, mostly because I love the smell of salts or the bubble bath and the way the hot water eases the tension out of my muscles. I do it like swimming, just to relax and never ever to get clean. Then I have to rinse off in the shower. While I hate being wet, the benefits of simmering in my human broth (LOVE that) for 15 minutes is worth it.

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8 Kat September 17, 2012 at 11:35 am

Glad I’m not the only one who just finds them an annoying waste of time – but in my case, it’s because they keep me from 1. Sleeping, 2. Going somewhere. Waste-o-time indeed!

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9 Rain September 17, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I really don’t like showers much either….and don’t get me started on baths! When my back hurts sometimes I soak in Epsom Salts, and I have to turn on a timer, otherwise I won’t stay in there more that a few minutes!

I am like the shower nazi in my house too…I always am telling the kids and the husband to hurry it up….I too wonder what the hell is going on in there…what’s taking so long? It only takes a few minutes to soap off…even if you do wash your hair everytime!

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10 tina September 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm

My showers are at least 20-25 minutes. And while i hate it, i do “so much” in the shower that i can’t shorten it (yes i feel terrible about the amount of water i use).

But i feel like i am filthy going into a shower, so if i don’t do everything i “need to do” to get “clean” then i don’t feel clean.
I also have a mild case if hyperhydrosis, so all of these feelings could be based off of the fact that i sweat more than the average person.

Two other things:
Aside from using shampoo and conditioner, i also use a clarifying shampoo because my hair gets greasy fast. And i must wash my hair daily.
2. I shave my armpits in three different directions because my hair grows differently.

Lastly, i only shave my legs like twice a week because it’s just additonal time in the shower that i typically don’t have.

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11 nikkiana September 17, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I’m one of those people who wants to bathe twice a day…. My showers are generally pretty short but I like taking an evening bath to relax. The trouble these days is I just moved in with my boyfriend and the tub in the apartment is old and the laminate is falling off of it and it never looks clean even if it is…. and it squicks me out so I’ve gone from someone who wants to bathe constantly to someone who doesn’t want to bathe at all because I can’t bear having to look at that awful tub.

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12 Heather B September 17, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I’m another one that hates showering. Well, not so much showering as hair washing. I have so much hair, and shower time is so boring. This is exactly why I now have an iPod dock in the bathroom. I keep the remote control in a zip top baggie near the shower. That way I can listen to music/podcasts/audiobooks while washing. It has definitely made my time in the shower so much better.
I do, however, love me a bath. At the end of a long stressful week, there’s very little that makes me feel as refreshed as a good book and a warm bath. Especially if it’s cold outside or I have muscle aches.

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13 Mandy September 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I always feel like I could be doing a million things besides standing in the shower. And then I have friends who will take full 20-30 minute showers. WTF! How do you not get bored?! I love Heather’s idea of the iPod dock in the bathroom. I may need to do that.

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14 Jacki September 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

At work we use Google Earth a lot to verify addresses, sq. ft. of buildings, etc. and a coworker told me he knew he needed a day off when, while using Street View to try and locate a property, saw a mail carrier on the sidewalk and thought, “I’ll ask him!” … before realizing … you can’t do that. :)

I actually love showering (except on the days I have to wash my hair – every other day, yuck) but this post reminded me of when, as a kid, I tried to read in the shower. I had a few books that I loved so much that when I started them I couldn’t stop even for hygiene. I took more than a few showers with one hand holding the book out of the water, one hand washing. Haha, ridiculous.

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15 Aj September 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I was JUST complaining about having to shower to R. I hate showers. And the older I get, the more I hate them. I have the whole process of soaping up, rinsing off, shampooing, conditionig, shaving…I’m tall, I have fantasies about how much faster I could shower with less skin to soap, rinse, and shave. This all takes precious precious time that I could be devoting to napping. And then! lotioning! blow-drying! flat-ironing! make up applying! It’s a wonder I’m clean ever.

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16 Annabelle September 17, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I love this post, because I’ve always been secretly disappointed by baths, as bizarre as that sounds. The idea sounds great – chill out by yourself (or not!) in some nice, hot relaxing water, shut out the rest of the world for a bit, take some me-time, read a book, etc.. But the reality is I can never actually get comfortable enough in the damn tub, and I just end up awkwardly sitting up in order to read a book or something, because I am not one of those people who’s content to just sit and do nothing, even if it’s just doing nothing to relax. Glad to know I’m not the only one. :P

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17 Heather B September 17, 2012 at 5:43 pm

The best bath pillow I ever had was a $3 beach ball I bought from Amazon. (Without it, the bathtub is not a comfortable place to chill.) I’m sure you could get them cheaper at Walmart or somewhere, but I live far enough out in the middle of nowhere that getting the UPS man to bring it was actually cheaper.

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18 Becca September 17, 2012 at 7:37 pm

What ARE they doing in there? I don’t hate taking showers, and usually take two a day (to wash my hair in the morning and rinse off after my workouts at night) but they’re very short. I just rather get in, clean up and get out, I don’t feel like doing anything else. At least we’re saving water :)

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19 Christina September 17, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I can’t help but think of Kramer when I read this.

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20 Rachel September 17, 2012 at 8:36 pm

You know, I have actually never seen an episode of Seinfeld (I know!!) so I honestly have no idea how to take this comment.

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21 Aj September 18, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I think she’s referring to the episode where Kramer decides he enjoys showering so much, he wants to live in his shower. He has others do his grocery shopping for him and has a garbage disposal installed in the shower drain. Very Kramer, very funny.

That you haven’t seen an episode of Seinfeld is like telling me you don’t breathe. As a NY Jew, I simply don’t understand. We may have to work past this…

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22 Christina September 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

I tried looking up a video clip, but I couldn’t find a good one. But the episode is “The Apology”.

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23 grace b September 17, 2012 at 8:36 pm

SO not a fan of showers either. I seriously despised them growing up.

The boyfriend and I shower together. I switched all my girly products over to clean and environmentally friendly ones about a year ago. So I only wash my hair a couple of times a month and I used Dr. Bronner’s during the 2-3 showers I take a week. I also um, rarely seem to have time to shave my legs lol.

So I think it’s awesome you are saving water by showering less and taking shorter showers–but have you thought about the products you are washing down the drain? Just a thought. Big fan of your blog! I am also a fellow transplant to Texas (in Austin)!

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24 Rachel's Mom September 17, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I hate taking showers, too. I am usually in and out in five minutes. There are some days when I just wish I could skip it, but the worry of smelling bad always wins.

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25 Melissa September 18, 2012 at 12:44 am

I do like baths and showers, but I’ve always loved to be in the water.

I can help with geography though. You (everyone) should check out the Plaid Avenger. He’s a geography professor at Virginia Tech and really entertaining. I used to go to his class even though I wasn’t in it because he was so entertaining. I also think his series where he explains the basic governing and economic models should be required for everyone. Then I can stop hearing people completely misuse socialism, facism, communism, etc.

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26 Mel September 18, 2012 at 12:52 am

Ditto, girl. I feel like I could honestly race you on who showers the least.

And, well.. you know how I feel about maps.

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27 deva by definition September 18, 2012 at 7:38 am

I, personally, love showers. I probably take too long in them. Over the weekend after we photographed our friends’ wedding, I loved how high the water pressure was in the hotel shower, and how hot I could run the water in there without feeling as guilty about it. I think I just enjoy the process of both getting clean but also how warm I am in the shower, ya know? When I was deep in my ED and was always freezing I used ot take my shower caddy into the dorm shower and just sit and steam in there for what felt like ages – it was sometimes the only way I could get warm.

And I love steamy hot showers when I am sick with a fever, too. But, then again, I’m weird and still like baths. I just rinse off first.

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28 Isha September 18, 2012 at 7:29 pm

This post came to mind when I was in the shower tonight, and these are the things I spent time on:

– washing my hair
– thinking about work/mind wandering
– shaving
– picking shedding hairs off of every part of my body. this takes up at least half the time, every time. I wish I were kidding.

That’s my average shower. It probably takes about 15 minutes; I’ve tried to change it but I just can’t! Sometimes when the water’s really steamy I just stand there for an extra 5. But not gonna lie, it would be really nice to be able to just hop in and out!

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