My Rules

I bet I don’t seem like a “rules girl,” but oh…I am.

Rule #1: Don’t Be Ridiculous

Rule #2: No Secret Crushes

Rule #3: Laugh Like You Mean It

Rule #4: Own Everything You Do

Rule #5: Don’t Be a Sea Witch

Rule #6: Spend Your Time Wisely

Rule #7: Chemistry is King; Rule #8: If a Guy Sleeps With You…and Then Sleeps With a Bunch of Other Girls…and Then Tells You About It Even Though He Knows You’re In Love With Him…and Then Says You’re in the Wrong for Being Upset…FORGET CHEMISTRY; Rule #9: Thou Shall Not Try to Date a New Guy Until Thou is Over the Last Guy and/or Sufficiently Badass Enough to Handle Rejection; Rule #10: Yes, Sometimes Guys are Assholes, but Sometimes Women are Assholes Too; Rule #11: Always Date Guys Who Want to be Dating; Rule #12: Sometimes Guys are Assholes and Sometimes Women are Assholes, But, Seriously, Everyone Was An Asshole in College; Rule #13: Your Soul Mate Does Not Spell It “R-E-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S” or “D-E-F-E-N-A-T-L-Y.”

Rule #14: Take Nail Polish Seriously or End Up in Debt

Rule #15: Love That Which Lets You Love It

Rule #16: Maybe It’s Your Personality

Rules #17-22: The Serious & Official Rules for Men

Rules #23-25: The Serious & Official Rules of Gifting

Rules #26-30: The Serious & Official Rules for Sharing Food

Rule #31: On Letting Others Own It

Rules #34-38: On Dog Ownership

Rule #39: Accept Your Success (or Lack Thereof) as Your Own Fault

Rules #40-46: The Serious & Official Rules of Engagement (That Have Nothing to do With Rings)

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Brenda November 2, 2011 at 7:55 pm

You were retweeted on Twitter so I had to check out your blog. From what I have read so far, you are hilarious. Great stuff and I can hardly wait until I get a little more time to read all your Rules and the rest of it. Thank you.


2 Crystal January 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Amazing!!! I love your rules… makes me want to make up some of my own or just write them out.


3 Rachel August 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Rachel, I absolutely love your blog! I just started reading it (thanks to the Birchbox link) and I cannot tell you how many times I am literally laughing out loud. There’s so much to relate to and I love how there is humor in every situation. If you havent already started, you really should consider writing a book!


Leave a Comment